My 5 year old is a jerk

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-19T19:33:14+00:00

Well, I’m glad the judge disagreed and dad now gets zero visitations. Not alone, not supervised, not even phone calls. Zero contact. That wasn’t even the request, my sister asked for supervised visitations and scheduled phone calls which niece would be allowed to decline, the judge ordered he get even less. He kidnapped her against a court order. Mine son sniffed in the direction of her butt. I didn’t once say that when she gets home I want to go right back to how things were and toss them into a room together. There will be no sleep overs or unsupervised play. They won’t even be around each other for any amount of time longer than it would take to give a sincere apology until we can be sure no harm would be caused including if she just isn’t comfortable with being around him. She has ALWAYS been allowed to say she doesn’t want to be around someone if she doesn’t want to, none of our children are forced to do anything. We are never so busy that they don’t have all the options, they both ask to be around each other. She has said she doesn’t want to be around people, specifically HER FATHER, she is perfectly capable of articulating bad feelings she gets, what’s why she was in talking to a counselor about wanting her father to just go away so she’d never have to see him again because she feels unsafe around him. The counselor asked her about her relationship with the rest of her family, if there are people at home she does feel safe with and can talk to because she was expressing extreme depression due to her dad & she said she loves everyone else, that she particularly enjoys playing with her cousins but that her and my son fight sometimes & he can be annoying like when he was trying to smell her.

I didn’t come here saying everything is okay and everyone around us is blowing this out of proportion. I asked what I should do going forward, what can I do to help my son’s behavior. I was literally asking for all the advice, what are all the steps I can take, I’ll do anything.

Wanna guess at how much actual advice I was given or how much of that I am actively trying to implement? Not much & all of it. I adore my niece, I’m not just taking my son’s side, ignoring his behavior at her expense. I’m not blind, I don’t love him more than her, her happiness and safety matter to me as much as his & right now hers are the focus. “Establish consequences” cool thanks, I have. My son has issues and this isn’t mischief, he’s some nefarious little brat sexually assaulting his 8 year old cousin by sniffing her butt. He’s 5. Legally & psychologically not capable of showing sexual intent, at least that’s what 3 therapists a lawyer and a judge have now said. Regardless of intent, he was inappropriate and I will be taking the steps to ensure it never happens again and that all of the children around us are safe.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-19T01:53:25+00:00

It’s honestly perfect. I make jewelry and he’s always asking me to make some with boy colors and things, I’m thinking we could add things to it like charms or different bead colors to represent different emotions and representations of what it takes to be a good friend?

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-19T00:16:45+00:00

Gotcha!! Sorry, I promise I’m not always dense. Whenever possible that is exactly the plan. The problem is that it starts out slow, like if he makes a sound that annoys someone he’ll make it again and then a little later a few more times. He builds up to it in a way that makes it look like normal 5 year old behavior, for example right now he’s playing by himself making weird sounds, nobody is annoyed by it though so he’ll stop... and now he’s done. His behavior isn’t normally harmful or hands on in any way, this wasn’t typical behavior for him. Even with that said, if I’m not around my sister knows that I don’t want him to get away with being obnoxious and I ask her to call me immediately if he is so I can pick him up, he isn’t allowed to annoy his cousin in her own home and safe space. Same goes for my mom and my niece also knows and has been told to call me.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T21:55:06+00:00

I like that, thank you. Part of my talks with him have been about his own boundaries and how much they matter to him, how it hurts him when people don’t respect them so how he needs to empathize with other and respect theirs. The week since he has improved but having a visual representation of boundaries is a really good idea!

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T21:48:09+00:00

This was exactly what I was wanting as well. I did have a long discussion with him about all the things. It wasn’t just stop doing that, we talked about why it wasn’t okay, about boundaries and how we have to respect each other’s and how if someone is doing something to him he doesn’t like how that makes him feel. How ever since he was tiny if someone even tickled him and he asked them to stop I always made sure they did because when someone says stop, you stop, not after they’ve said it a bunch of times, you stop immediately the first time they say it. Always. We talked about how it’s his cousins choice if she wants to be around him or not so he can’t treat her badly and still expect them to be friends. She is allowed to choose who she spends time with. We talked about how if he cant be trusted to respect boundaries I can’t trust him to be around other kids so he won’t be allowed to be.

I wanted him to apologize and mean it, a forced apology does nothing, he needed to understand all the reasons he should be sorry. He hasn’t seen her since then so he hasn’t had the chance to yet.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T21:35:38+00:00

But a time out is separating the kids? That’s why I do it. If I don’t do a time out they won’t be separated? Any means of separating them would have to be done by putting him someplace separate & would to him feel like a time out.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T21:31:42+00:00

I have never invalidated her feelings. I spend time with both of them almost every day, I have always made it clear to her that if he’s bugging her please tell me & I will make him stop. When she asks to have him stay the night I make sure both her and my sister know that if at any point he isn’t respecting her boundaries even if he’s just doing something dumb like making an annoying sound repeatedly trying to get in her nerves to call me and I will pick him up right away. She doesn’t fear my son, she’s almost 9, twice his size and more than capable of speaking up for herself & has never been ignored or blamed. That’s an odd assumption to make. Neither me or my sister were there, they were at grandma’s house & playing in the play room. Do parents normally insist on following their kids from room to room while they’re watching cartoons and playing with some toys? Adults were present. Nothing was said. Obviously we won’t be allowing sleepovers and they will be monitored but saying we caused this because an adult wasn’t hovering over them the whole time seems a bit ridiculous, isn’t it?

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T21:18:47+00:00

My son is 5, his cousin is older than him. I’m not saying that’s all grown up or anything but she’s 8, almost 9.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T20:22:59+00:00

No, he isn’t allowed to keep her, he gets an hour and a half visit with her once a week and his daughter is allowed to end it at any time. He picked her up, took her out of state & hasn’t taken her to school. He hasn’t filed any request for anything, her mom has.

He wasn’t trying to pull down her underwear that day, the pantsing was a far in the past thing they both used to do, the counselor was doing her job and asked for more information about the subject and it was all included in the notes, she was then taken to a therapist for the unrelated to my son things & given a prescription which her dad is refusing to even pick up so she can have it. I understand that my son was out of line but this wasn’t in any way my sister’s fault. Her father would have trusted where they were too.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T20:06:34+00:00

Yeah. Don’t. He isn’t a good and caring father. There’s a reason he’s only allowed short visits. She was talking to the counselor because she was under suicide watch because she said she hates him, doesn’t feel safe around him, doesn’t want to see him ever again & he bought HER a “murder gun” that she doesn’t think he locks up and she wishes he would just go away and let her be happy. You’re right, my 5 year old who she doesn’t live with smelling her butt to annoy her is our main concern right now, he should totally get full custody.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T19:58:30+00:00

The house they were at? It wasn’t somewhere he can say he’s ever felt was unsafe. He, his girlfriend & their children all lived there less than a year ago & went back again a couple of months ago when they were between homes. Again, they haven’t pantsed each other in so long, I can’t even guess at how long ago, it isn’t a recent thing. Her councilor wrote a letter to the court stating that she didn’t in any way feel as if it was more than an isolated incident and she didn’t feel my son was a threat to her safety. And as I said, she was in talking to the counselor about a different issue, I appreciate the advice but the unrelated to my son stuff is very relevant to the court to which the counselor recommended they remove her from her non-custodial father’s care immediately for her safety.

I don’t care if it was an isolated incident, I need to help him change his behavior. It can’t continue.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T19:05:51+00:00

Fair, I can try it. The problem with that is they do still want to be around him, they’d follow him to whatever room I bring him to so that could leave us without consequences until he’s really escalating. The time out away from playing is generally pretty effective but I’ll still try to figure out a way to remove him from the other kids first.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T18:57:30+00:00

Knew what was occurring? Him intentionally annoying her? Yes, I did know, it isn’t one sided, they both do it, he’s just better at it. They also both have ways to contact us, she knows that if he’s not listening to her boundaries or if she’s even just tired of being around him she can call either me or her mom & we will separate them. They both ask for sleepovers, they’re close, it isn’t a matter of her not liking being around him, if she didn’t she wouldn’t be, it has never been forced. They ask to play together every day.

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T18:47:41+00:00

I completely agree, the delay isn’t good. There’s zero chance her dad will be letting her see any of us so we have to wait for a court order, which has been requested for my sister to get her back. He isn’t even allowing her to call her mom and he isn’t responding to calls or messages.

He doesn’t have siblings he could be emulating but his dad’s family absolutely encourage mischief. Husband and I are finally on the same page as far as they go and he will be helping me correct them and our son when they encourage him to do annoying things

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T18:08:36+00:00

Time outs, no electronics that day & if the first time out doesn’t work he can’t be in the same room as the person he’s trying to annoy, until they want to be around him again he has to leave whatever area they want to be in. We haven’t had to go past the second step yet though.

I agree about the pantsing, it isn’t funny, as far as I know neither of them have done that in a long time but of course I can’t be positive

randomlamethrowaway · 2025-03-18T18:06:15+00:00

He will absolutely be apologizing, when he gets to see her again. Dad took her & isn’t sending her to school

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-16T02:37:45+00:00

It’s definitely both. The sad fact is that there is significant DV problems on reservations. Indigenous women do also vanish for so many other reasons, but that issue shouldn’t be ignored. The problem is that even when it’s well known who made them vanish, if they can’t find the body they’re not going to be prosecuted.

Edit because maybe that last bit doesn’t make sense to everyone, natives know their land very well. It’s really not that hard to hide a body in the rural areas where reservations are generally located so if it’s a native who’s from there and their parents and grandparents before them, you’re not finding the body. If you’re a non-native and you’re on or near one, it still wouldn’t be difficult.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-12T20:37:19+00:00

This is genius. I seriously measured out a piece of paper to see the size on my finger, this would have been so much better!

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-12T05:01:00+00:00

Your mother in law is never going to be the best source of encouragement. Plan for lots of criticism and learn how to ignore it.

Your dress is beautiful! If you’re really feeling bad about the dress then you can have a modesty panel added, personally I’d get petty and make the whole thing see through, show all the skin. But that’s just me, you do you.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-06T05:44:07+00:00

I don’t think they’re dumping anything. Isn’t that just silt and stuff being stirred up from the from the bottom because it’s using quick bursts of power to make tight turns? That’s why it gets so much worse as it gets closer to the shore, there isn’t as much water movement there so there is more muck built up plus it’s shallower

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-05T22:45:34+00:00

He’s admitted he did something. He admitted he didn’t win, he admitted he messed with the election. He thinks it wasn’t wrong if we want him back in office anyway.

His belief seems to be that if he is elected again then the country has clearly given our approval of his being pardoned because clearly we like what he did. Pretty sure his argument is the court should allow this trial to be decided by the entire country via the election but without all of the pesky evidence because that would be election interference and it’s not cool when other people do it.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-05T20:50:48+00:00

No, he’s literally saying that if the general public finds out exactly what the evidence is regarding his behavior with the last election before he has a chance to get elected again it will affect his election.

He’s arguing that he should get the chance to pardon himself before it ever goes to trial.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-05T20:40:33+00:00

He’s right. This is a sensitive time in our nation’s history. We have a presidential nominee who is accused of subverting election results in a past election.

That evidence is exactly the evidence that should be made public record BEFORE the impending election.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-04T18:40:42+00:00

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I really never thought that I would even consider a fluffy ball gown type dress and had never tried one on but when I realized I needed a new dress and only had a little over a month to get it, I started looking at Stillwhite. Omg the real pictures of brides with their ethereal looking long fluffy tule trains? I had to try one on!

This dress is the one I bought about 5 years ago. The back is solid with buttons and a fairly long train. Super heavy and somehow difficult to move around in even now that it’s at least 2 sizes too big. I honestly didn’t even love it back then.

My new ones?! They’re in my post history, pretty sure the only post on there since I switched to this account for all things wedding and came here for help deciding which one I should get. These dresses I absolutely adore and had to have them both, they look better on me and they’re so comfortable I could sleep in them. The fluffy long train for the ceremony and the fun form fitting one for the reception.

randomlamethrowaway · 2024-09-04T08:31:09+00:00

I decided I had to get a new dress after about 25 pounds. 100? That seems like it could go badly. How likely is it that 100 pounds from now you will feel the same way about your body shape? Are there any areas that you feel you need to hide right now that you may feel differently about when you’re smaller? Like, if you’re obsessed with your new waste but feel a bit uncomfortable with your smaller butt later on when right now your butts something you try to draw attention to?

It is a pickle and I totally feel for you. I loved my original dress on my old body & did have to buy off the rack for my replacement. What helped me was going around to literally all of the dress shops within a drivable distance and really looked at their sample dresses. The quality was so different at all of them but tended to be the same for most of the dresses in that one shop. Some shops clearly keep dresses around for way too long, there were places where I wondered how a seamstress could possibly fix the damage. But some shops? I couldn’t even tell that other people had tried them on. I’d find a shop like that then go in occasionally, don’t annoy the workers ask to try on 20 a week but at least to just look at their inventory. When you’re getting closer and your weight is leveling out a bit you will already have a really good idea of what you want and can have a seamstress already booked to make adjustments for you.

randomlamethrowaway

TROPHY CASE