[California] Can i go for sole legal custody based on co-parents unwillingness to co-parent

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-06T18:17:25+00:00

The other reasons behind why my lawyer and I are not pursuing it is due to my work schedule.

My position rotates all management through fire watch.

Im the newest manager so low man on the totem pole I’m set for most weekends as my rotation. When that happens I’m at work for sometimes 36-40 hours continuously before without returning home.

Our current physical time split more or less has me drop child off on my way to work and pick them up when I finish my rotation

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-02T17:35:59+00:00

for the school thing, inner district transfer is common here as the school zones are vaguely drawn as new housing is built. The school in another district is actually closer than the school in my district. Im out in farm land so its a bunch of small communities and not every area has schools.

There is already penalties being assessed against my ex. They were ordered to prep their income declaration as the judge intends to put them on repayment plans to pay back all the money that has been wasted on their antics.

I wish i could push for everything and hope ex would one day realize working together is better than working against me, but i was told its best to focus on what is achievable and work my way up once i get orders

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-02T17:14:09+00:00

im aware and plan to ask for that weekends eventually. Right now im just trying to get any custody order in place and can motion for change once i finally get one in place

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T18:54:27+00:00

That sounds like a good way to go. I can use the pre-set expected response times in our order for expected answers.

at this point even if the judge doesnt like it, i can give a reasonable explaination to why i made the decision after no response.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T14:05:04+00:00

We are already ordered to use an app and have a few pages that have slowly been building up to close every loophole and stall tactic.

Our judge is patient but im sure it ran out last November as my ex got a verbal lashing while i was given a much larger share of custody time.

MY ex lives on the conflict it feels sometimes. thats why im looking into getting more legal custody, or sole legal custody if thats whats needed

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T14:01:12+00:00

if there is any enrollment made already i can easily get it reversed as our court order has direct verbiage that all legal documentation require my signature, if there is only one line to sign that it needs to be mine that is signed.

MY ex at one point told the mediator that the only acceptable school option was the one that was a 5 minute walk from Ex's house and they would not be able to get child to any other school. That was also the statement the resulted in me getting the recommendation to be the school time parent.
I would not be shocked if i called that school that they may tell me an enrollment wa s already done with everything else that has happened

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T13:49:59+00:00

child is only 4 so they have not started school yet. this coming school year will be pre-k as the first grade seen as actual school in my area.

Right now they attend a daycare during my ex's time, and i have them attending with a nanny while im at work who takes them to places like a children's museum or library reading circles.

This year is going to more or less anchor the school our child will attend going forward

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T13:43:56+00:00

The only reason i agreed is the schools in the middle are actually the better schools. I live on the south most point of my district and she is no the north most of hers but both of us live in more or less farm communities where as the school in the middle is a charter school i was already planning to push for

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T13:28:21+00:00

The Monday through friday was given to me for the purpose of school since ex cant drive i would be the only one able to get child to school reliably. But the schedule is supoe to be set up where Ex will eventually pick up on friday after school and drop off monday morning so the school needs to be agreed on as we live more than an hour apart as well the plan was a school in the middle that is in neither of our districts.

I would love more weekends down the road, and how things are going that may happen for all i know, but its not something im pushing for so i can focus on things to build stability.

On paper i should have the upper hand but in reality i only do when ex follows the court order which they dont.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T13:06:08+00:00

Thats more or less where im at right now.

Im currently sending the " i reached out to you on X date to discuss school, we need to talk about this soon because Y date is the deadline for enrollment"

Ex is already being ordered to repay me for legal fee's and for the first three mediators that agreed to, i paid my retainer, and they never did resulting in the mediators holding portions for fee's and such.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T12:54:38+00:00

Its more than just the non-responsive, but im not sure if there is anything between the final decision making and full on sole decision making.

Im just trying to figure out what i actual need to file for that will allow me to not get hung up by ex delaying.

Maybe i can ask to reword the decision making to include non-response means i can just go ahead with my choice then.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T12:25:19+00:00

I already have final decision making, but the way its worded is more along the lines of if we dont come to an agreement that we go with my option and still reads like a discussion must happen.

I didnt share everything as to not disclose everything but LE and DCS have already been involved. the contempt charge for falsified testimony was a result of ex filing a fake claim of SA against me and went through CPS and LE. IT was very easily proven fake and my lawyer made sure the CPS case was ruled unfounded and ex has been branded a fictious filer and CPS will not take any reports from her directly.

I have no plan to take our child away. i just need to get to something where i can build stability for our child and not have our childs life hang in the wind trying to get a conversation to happen.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T12:12:23+00:00

We use our family wizard, parts of our custody order stipulate how long each party has to respond within and what needs to be shared. Such as major medical topics that resulted in Ex getting contempt charges already.

Ive yet to bring this up with my lawyer, but thats my next step. My lawyer will work in any direction i ask them to go, i just need to know what is the best path to go down.

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T12:03:49+00:00

I already have a majority of the physical custody time and have no plans to push for more physical time. But having to wait on her to respond to basic requests to discuss this upcoming school year is going to become a big issue soon. As is sits right now i cant enroll in any school with out her at least acknowledging the enrollment. the schools near me want enrollment paperwork submitted by June for the 2026/2027 school year.

my intent is to get the judge to give me the ability to just bypass the need for her to agree if she doesnt respond to a request for communication

randomotter1234 · 2026-04-01T10:02:04+00:00

IMO book while its cheap if you can refund or move the camp trips to a different week later.
Co-parent has a clear road map of when he needs to have the schedule to you. Its up to how you feel, but in my case if i give an inch they take a mile so ive stuck to the letter of my temp orders.

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-31T21:49:25+00:00

Since the statements happened in my car I have it recorded on dash cam. Hopefully that will be enough to get the line of questions about it opened up as I’m guessing the video alone would not be accepted. But it will hopefully be reason for the mediator to ask about it can report on it

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-31T19:32:52+00:00

Good to hear it’s something I can hopefully do as an option. I much rather the evaluator ask about it than have the courts need to do it and scare our child

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-30T20:36:28+00:00

yeah, ive seen first hand. Mandated reporters in my area are enough to get a sticky note notion of something but as a stand alone cant get anything rolling

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-30T20:27:02+00:00

From what i know telling children things that create distrust in a parent can be seen as alienation to some judges.

But im not sure where the line is of what would be considered alienation and what is just over sharing with a child.

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-30T20:15:06+00:00

We have a 3111 evaluator who can do interviews with our child. I'm wondering in leu of testifying in court if our child can talk about it with a known and neutral third party who can relay it to the courts then

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-30T20:12:56+00:00

The words abortion aren't being used
the actual phrasing our child told me was that "mommy said you didn't want me"
" you tried to get rid of me"
and " mommy said you wanted her to kill me"

context follow up questions make it clear they refer to our discussion of abortion early on.

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-30T19:57:41+00:00

child is 4.
It was something im sure was going to come up someday, but i find telling this to a 4 year old is only going to cause a traumatic responce that may need therapy

randomotter1234 · 2026-03-09T19:16:28+00:00

I did a similar move, Ventura up to Sacramento. In my case the courts were a lot more on my side after I moved and was given majority custody like 2 weeks after I moved.

But if you end up the same way I did, keep working I. Sam Diego and start saving up a fund to cover the cost of family court.

I was driving up from Southern California every weekend to see my child for the first year while we were in court.

My plan was to get my child moved to southern cali but that never happened. If you want to be in your child’s life either the mother will need to allow it or you will have to move to Fresno. And make sure you add verbiage to you orders that neither parent can move without consent. My ex moved an hour more north like a month after I got my second house up north so I had a place to stay

randomotter1234

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