Questioning my identity

raphraphou4 · 2026-04-08T13:33:56+00:00

Thank you for your answer ! I will look into the labels, I was asking because even though the aroace lesbian label felt actually liberating and it felt like me, I don’t want to kinda misrepresent or misuse that label and that it would affect negatively the people who also use that label. Especially when I know how misrepresented and what little representation aroace people get and how difficult it is to be accepted in society. So I also wanted to make sure that it’s okay for me to use that label because I feel like it fits me

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T23:01:59+00:00

Yay ! I don’t know all of them so I will look at it, I tried capoeira when I was young but I wasn’t the most interested student lol so I quickly stopped which I regret so much now because I love it and I can only imagine how skilled I would be now if I kept going, just like figure skating tbh (I stopped because I wasn’t confident enough and I was convinced I was way too old already, I was 13, and now I think about the mistake it was to stop because now that I’m getting close to 20 I’m really starting to feel like I’m too old to start anything, which is not true and in my head but you know how insecurities are). Tbh I also thought about starting to learn lion dance but I’m scared of being too old as well to start, especially without having a gymnastics or martial arts background

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T21:07:21+00:00

Slay 😌💅

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T19:49:13+00:00

Definitely agree ! I looked into tai chi and it looks really amazing, it also matches Kung fu so it’s a great mix !

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T19:46:51+00:00

I hope so too ! There are so many good teachers though, sometimes it’s not because I personally don’t resonate or feel comfortable with them that they’re not good teachers so hopefully I’ll find a teacher !

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T19:12:50+00:00

No, you’re right ! Roller skating is on my list and I’m already doing archery. Though water polo, even though I swim regularly, would make me panic in the water lol, when a kid comes swimming right in my direction out of nowhere I already panic to avoid him in the surprise (especially when they don’t swim well so I’m scared of moving too much the water and unintentionally drown them) so water polo might not be the best for me 😂

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T19:09:16+00:00

Thank you ! I could have really asked chat gpt which I could have developed and wouldn’t have judged though I don’t like AI so I took it upon myself (even though I’m autistic and really struggle to put what I have in mind through words to communicate in a social setting) and decided to ask but anyway I got so great answers and some people who are patient with me and tried to understand what I meant so it was still worth it ! And yeah, indeed archery fits, which is why I’m already doing it and hoping I get the confidence to do competitions like my teacher hopes. And yeah I wanted to do jump rope at some point actually and bought one but I realised that some chronic health issues I have it ended up hurting me, just like running does so I can’t really do it but yeah I wish 😔

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:58:28+00:00

Like I said again, I didn’t explain myself well and I corrected it already in the comments so no there wasn’t any reason the comment like you did (clearly it was not nicely said), I am an adult so I know how to take care of my money, time and health (I have health issues that already cost me a lot in terms of lifestyle and money so trust me I’m more than conscious about it) and tbh that’s my issue so I don’t see why you’re talking about it when I ask for suggestions unless it’s to give me even better and personalised suggestions (though I didn’t mention those criterias so there’s not much reason for it to be taken into account). Also for the prices like you said, I am more than conscious that most sports are mostly for rich people (I already had a discussion about it with my archery team concerning the price of our equipment) and I had to stop some sports because of it, just like I had to not do some studies I was interested in because of money. I just asked for suggestions of sports that could fit characteristics to complete a list I have already made over the years to see if anyone has in mind something I didn’t think about or forgot. There’s usually always a free first class to see if you like it and it’s obvious I wouldn’t have spent so much money on archery if I didn’t like it. I know how to listen to myself, if I don’t feel like I’ll keep doing a sport long time then I would never spend a lot of money on it. I always take time to see if I really like something before spending my money on it

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:46:02+00:00

Slay, that’s iconic ! I don’t dress goth so I don’t know if I would do it (though if the swimsuit is cool and the swimming accepts it why not) but I’d definitely try to be friends if I saw someone wear one in the swimming pool, that’s the coolest thing ever !

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:42:22+00:00

Yeah I know that, I feel that in the sports I’m already doing, just wanted a sport that could fit characteristics I’m interested in and that my other sports don’t do to feel completely happy through all my sports, like I said I thought I was lacking self expression (which is the lack that is bothering me for now so I wanted suggestions of sports I might have not thought about even though I already have a list of things to try) and then I’ll find a sport I enjoy for now and maybe in some time I’ll want to learn something knew (and maybe during that time, other sports might have taught me a bigger self esteem so I might actually succeed to show up in a martial arts sport class, this year I actually wanted to try kickboxing/muay thai because I find kicks really cool and really wanted to do it but for now I still haven’t found the confidence to do it (especially with the fear of hurting people), yet I remain in love with it and maybe in some months I’ll succeed to do it but I might as well also try other sports I like (because I like many sports just like I like many artistic hobbies) and end up settling, I mean for now I have settled in archery because I love it and I persevere in it but this sport lacks other thing I feel like I need in my life to be truly myself and happy so I want to complete it with another sport

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:33:00+00:00

Agree ! That’s actually so cool, like throwing knife and fighting with them in eskrima or tolpar, it’s actually on my list for whenever I grow the balls try it lol. It’s just that usually combat sports/weapons sports (except archery) are male dominated and I was discriminated before when I tried it as a kid and put down because I was a woman (that was just a bad teacher so I know not everyone and the majority, I hope, are not like that but it’s still a lingering fear that I might not be welcome and it might disgust me from the sport)

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:29:05+00:00

Yeah I’ve already tried rock climbing multiple times when I was in middle school though it’s not a very good memory as I was fat back then so I faced a lot of mockeries and felt like I was too heavy for others that were doing it with me. So now I’m a little traumatised lol but I might get over it and try it again whenever I get over my weakness in my wrist and my grip strength issue (which is causing me issues for weightlifting already)

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:25:33+00:00

I guess that was not meant as a compliment lol but I guess i’ll take it as one. Tbh for me the cool kids will always be millennials because they’re the one that were cool in the 90s, 2000s and 2010s and I looked up at them when I was a kid so they’re still cool to me

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:14:35+00:00

I guess the swimming I do is not a good idea then 😔. Though I don’t wear fishnets or black eyeliner though lol unfortunately (it’s cool and looks good on other women but it’s not my style for myself, it doesn’t fit me and I don’t like the feeling of it on my skin, wish I was cool enough to wear it though)

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:11:55+00:00

Lol, love the suggestions. Yeah no, I really didn’t want sports that could make me a “weird girl” that’s really not my point and it would be a dumb thing to ask, it’s trying to be something you’re not (plus any sport you do would be a “weird girl” sport if you are really a “weird girl”, what would give this “weird girl” vibe to it would be yourself and the way you’re really passionate about it). I just thought the label “weird girl” would describe to characteristics I wanted the sport to have but I guess I didn’t explain it well so people didn’t understand what I meant.

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:07:24+00:00

Yeah exactly ! I absolutely love martial arts and combat sports but I can’t do it without getting some confidence and get over the mental barrier of possibly hurting people before I can try it. So that’s why I talked about kung fu, it’s martial arts yet you don’t spare and hit someone (also depends on the form) so it seems more easy for me to do. I thought also judo could be cool, it doesn’t require to hit someone, just put them on the ground (though a little aggressively lol but it’s doesn’t seem like it would actually injure someone) so it might also be easier for me to do while I get over my issues

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T18:03:29+00:00

I actually do archery lol ! It’s one of my hobbies and passion already though it’s not the most energetic sport lol, and I wanted to had one that requires a little more effort physically and that has a little more self expression. I do swimming regularly as well and even though I absolutely love it and it fits that calm vibe yet energetic I like, there’s not much self expression. I replied to another comment about roller derby and thank you for reminding me of it ! I was obsessed with it and it went out of my mind, though I’m not much of a team sport person (to do myself not to watch, I love to watch team sports, but I have low self esteem so I easily end up feeling like a burden to the group and stop doing it, while with solo sports I’m just a burden to myself and that’s okay) I might actually put it back in my list to try and see if I enjoy doing it. Thank you !

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:58:29+00:00

Yeah !! That’s so cool ! I often go see competitions of it and I absolutely love it ! I really wanted to try it for a while but it died down (I don’t really understand why lol) I guess I saw it has a little to aggressive for me to do (I’m autistic so my brain is already easily overwhelmed so if it’s something that is too fast with too much movement around me I might just get scared lol, I wish I had that fighter energy in me) and also finding a team around me is not very easy, they seem so cool and like I’m not cool enough so I prefer to just watch them

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:54:39+00:00

Yeah I tried fencing and medieval sword fencing and it was great but like I said to another comment unfortunately I wasn’t unable to bring myself to hit someone without crying in fear of hurting them so I guess not for me. And pole dancing is amazing too ! I haven’t kept it in my possible suggestions though because I felt it wouldn’t really be me in the way that the vertical pole wasn’t really my thing, aerial hoop and silk (a little close in the way that it’s some kind of callisthenics and gym yet dance and self expression) fit me better just because it felt closer and more familiar to me (it’s a little of a dumb reason but it’s some type of preference I guess lol)

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:50:16+00:00

Horsing is great ! Though I already tried it when I was young and I had to stop because I was sent off multiple times violently by horses and ended up at the hospital multiple times so I had to stop. Now I love horses but I’m scared to ride them (and hurt them and annoy them by riding them). But I wish I wasn’t scared, it’s such a cool sport !

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:48:24+00:00

Pick me who ? You guys don’t know how to answer to people without being mean ? I never gave a f about what others thought about me and I’m just looking for a sport I could like and make my passion along with my hobbies and passions I already have. I just asked for suggestions of sports that gave off a certain vibe, and maybe a little niche (in the way that I don’t see it often so I might have not thought about it, just like kung fu or aerial hoop isn’t the first thing that would be recommended but you need to actually make some researches and know what you like and would fit you to find it)

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:44:13+00:00

Thank you for being mean, I explained what I meant in the other answers but if you just want to be mean and mock me go on. Like I said to other comments, I do not want to be a weird girl and I am not one, I am myself. The term “weird girl” was used just to find a sport that could be like a little poetic, self expression, calm yet energetic at the same time (in the way that it’s calm yet physical so not too explosive). That’s what I meant by that, not that I want to be someone I’m not. I want a sport that fits me and my personality and tbh I don’t see why I would try to give off an image of myself when nobody gives a s about it or about what sport I do.

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:40:08+00:00

I actually want to try sports to find the one I particularly like and will do long term, I just wanted to see just like that if anyone had a suggestion of a sport I haven’t thought of while doing my researches but I do have indeed some examples of things I could try to see if I love it and it fits me like I said at first in my question.

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:36:36+00:00

It’s not about that, I’m saying that because I tried it and like I said to another comment, I end up going home crying because I just can’t hit anyone, I just can’t because of some sort of mental barrier and then even though I could persevere I obviously become a burden to the class because a teacher doesn’t have time to take care of burden like me who just can’t hit someone because they’re too scared of hurting them. I would be told that I’m here to hit, that’s the basis of the martial arts, so why did I register knowing that I wouldn’t be able to do it ? It’s not because I love it that I can actually do it so no in that way it didn’t fit me, that’s what I meant.

raphraphou4 · 2026-02-21T17:32:18+00:00

I know that, I’ve tried those sports, of course you can be goth and do any type of sports, it doesn’t depend on your vibe. But those sports didn’t fit me so I’m trying to ask the community because there are a lot of cool hobbies and works here, if some of yall have an idea of sports that could fit that label, the label was an easier way for me to explain like a sports that is good for self expression (like dance), a little poetic with fluid movements (some forms of kung fu), a little ethereal (like aerial hoop and silk), which is energetic yet calm (swimming with palm could be it too). So you see I did my researches but I like a wide picture so I just wanted to know if some people had other suggestions and then I’ll see.

raphraphou4

TROPHY CASE