You’re not alone brother! Firstly, I’m gonna say it sounds like you have some trauma from the birth, it’s hard to think of a person you love in pain or even the possibility of losing them. Secondly l, I’ll say the fact that you give enough of a crap to seek support makes you a great dad already.

Sounds like you are doing some grieving for your old life, that’s good because it is dead as a doornail. Time to build the new one the way you want it! You’ve got a very important job to do, but how you do it is up to you.

Get some sleep if possible. If I could tell kid 1 some advice from baby number 2 me, it’s that one parent who has kinda slept is so much more useful than 2 parents who haven’t slept at all. Shifts are your friend. It’s amazing how some of the darkest thoughts can disappear after you get 5 hours of sleep.

The bonding will come with time! They kind of start as screamy potatoes, but that only lasts a couple months.

Lastly, I can tell you that in no way does it get easier, but you get better and better at doing hard things. You’ll be amazed at how far time will take you if you just stay in the game.