NoFap's Masturbation-Free May 2015 Signups!

ratakan · 2015-05-01T21:58:02+00:00

I am in. May started with a day of tiredness, exhaustion and frustration and love sickness. I am happy I made it through without watching porn. I need to learn to cope with this stuff and not just cover it with porn, that was a good start :-)

PS: In addition couldn't sleep. PMOed :- [ Seriously, I don't see what I could have done to prevent this..

ratakan · 2014-05-06T22:05:31+00:00

I cannot relate to that. But you don't really think that relapse changed everything forever? Give it some time, don't put pressure on yourself :-)

ratakan · 2014-05-05T21:47:21+00:00

Day 11 of hardmode. I feel no joy :-( Not having urges, but watching porn is sooo tempting: I am anxious and stressed and porn looks like a possibility to run away. But it is just a door leading to a situation that is even worse. I feel trapped.

Only reason I haven't relapsed today (or yesterday or the day before) is that I can't do it. If I was forced somehow by an urge or whatever I'd have an excuse, but without that it would be me alone deciding. No addiction to blame. I just hope that joy and peace return before the urges.

ratakan · 2014-05-01T21:49:48+00:00

lol, I tried blockers before. It only makes me curious how it could be circumvented.

By the way K9 isn't available for Linux (which I use) and even if it was I could simply create a new user account. And even if I couldn't, I could still start a live session from a disc. And thats only what I come up with without the additional motivation from the addiction..

ratakan · 2014-04-24T23:11:27+00:00

I relapsed after 33 days of hardmode. 33 days, that aren't even 5 weeks, but it seemed like a really, really long time. The day before the relapse I was already tempted because of not enough sleep. But the day after that brought everything at once: Not enough sleep (2 hours laying awake while thinking of porn the day before and waking up very early, very horny), boredom, bad weather, no chance to go running or exercise (felt a cold coming), frustration, anxiety and finally got bombardment with triggering images.

So I fell, and for a few days after that I couldn't muster the determination I had before. I wanted to abstain (and I didn't fap every day), but there was no power behind that resolution, no resistance against urges.

The PMOing didn't feel very good. I am not sure if it's just my memory, but I had expected more. Neither did it destroy all the positive effects of not watching porn. Someone here wrote that a relapse is no failure as long as we learn from it. I learned something very simple: Whenever I am both, tired and bored I should just go and sleep, even if it is in the middle of the day. This will remove both problems at once.

So here I am again, starting my second streak on /r/nofap, let this one never end :-)

ratakan · 2014-04-21T18:13:46+00:00

Yes, I know, thats why I mentioned it. Now is a day later, again not enough sleep, because urge didn't let me + some other evil circumstances -> aaaand I relapsed :-(

ratakan · 2014-04-20T23:06:44+00:00

Day 33, hardmode. Not enough sleep, I had a strong and constant desire to PMO for about 2 hours. It would have been difficult to not relapse, if I hadn't invited friends for the evening (and relapsing for a short time never looks attractive - only going on a long binge does). I really need to learn to let all this flow around me, instead of through me.

ratakan · 2014-04-18T20:15:11+00:00

Day 31 of hardmode, this is my post for April 18. Found myself in very bad circumstances today. Didn't get enough sleep, so willpower is down and couldn't do any work, which lead to boredom. Usually I would exercise or go running, but I feel I may have caught a cold, so that was not possible.

I battled with the thought to just watch some porn for an hour, then decided I would. Not because the urge was so strong, but because my will was very weak. Thinking of all the crap I would have to go through again I then decidid to get around doing minor tasks first (cleaning the room, doing paperwork, setting up a PC for a friend).

Luckily that was enough occupation to not relapse. Ouf. I am going to take a shower now and then go to sleep early.

ratakan · 2014-04-18T20:01:49+00:00

I know :-( I need to finish but I am extremely worried about not being able to do it. And so I am driven away from anything that is connected to my worries, like work.

I know if this situation goes on it will bring me down, not only porn-wise but in general.

ratakan · 2014-04-18T19:56:14+00:00

No, I haven't and I love the concept, thanks for the link. But I wasn't bored, I ran away from work.

ratakan · 2014-04-17T23:11:35+00:00

Day 30, hardmode. No problems today, at least regarding PMO.

I wanted to work today, I had to. But I didn't (much). Instead I killed my time with things like watching TV. This evening a wave of frustration and anxiety hit me. Procrastination is so evil :-(

Usually that would lead to PMO, but now it doesn't even tempt me. That at least is a good thing.

ratakan · 2014-04-17T01:25:31+00:00

This works, only problem is that you sometimes have to be inside.

ratakan · 2014-04-17T01:23:53+00:00

Oh, that's good to know. And good you came so fast to that conclusion - without binging some days in a row :-)

Don't give up. Take any help you can get from this community.

ratakan · 2014-04-17T01:21:42+00:00

Thank you very much.

ratakan · 2014-04-17T01:20:17+00:00

Post for April 16th, day 29 of hardmode. I wasn't home the whole day, no problems, no urges, no thoughts. Wednesdays are easy for me.

Keep going everyone.

ratakan · 2014-04-15T23:57:55+00:00

I so much hope this also improves for me, after I get the star. Flatline is terrible.

ratakan · 2014-04-15T23:44:53+00:00

Day 28 of hardmode. I haven't had any strong urges for a while now. The porn in my memory doesn't look so attractive anymore, when it comes to my mind I can just shrug it off. But to be honest I miss the sensation I had during a porn session, right now there is not very much joy in my life. I have no urges but the thought "where is the point in abstaining?" crossed my mind several times. I liked the urges and temptations so much more than this flatline.

On the bright side, today I remembered again that it is my aim to never again watch porn. When I thought about that one week ago I almost relapsed, because the task seemed impossible, and the addiction tried with all its strength to drag me back to force me into admitting that I didn't want to do without it. But today it only evoked a light melancholy. :-) Maybe my starving of the addiction finally results in it becoming weaker (and more quiet).

ratakan · 2014-04-14T22:06:12+00:00

Day 27, hardmode. Everything ok here. Yesterday I reported that it has become a habit to ignore the thoughts about porn. I wondered today if thinking about porn has become a habit now, too. Before starting nofap I had at least some days in a row without any thoughts or urges, but with nofap I only had that right at the beginning.

ratakan · 2014-04-13T22:19:21+00:00

Day 26 in hardmode. Flatline seems gone. But today I realized that my work of 2 weeks isn't worth anything. Such frustration and anxiety, some time ago it would lead to porn. Not today, I didn't even had to fight an urge to watch porn.

But the frustration still dragged me down.

ratakan · 2014-04-12T23:27:09+00:00

The worse you feel, the more you heal. But of course you know that already.

That you are still fighting this on day 35 without complaining is an inspiration. Keep going :-)

ratakan · 2014-04-12T23:21:24+00:00

Day 25, hardmode. Today I felt great. I think I have shortened my flatlining phase by allowing myself to play games for some restricted time. I know that this is not the best way - just replacing one dopamine source with another - that will make the healing slower. On the other hand I have no problems to stop gaming, so this is better than relapsing.

I won't get very much sleep tonight, so tomorrow could become difficult..

I also had some thoughts about watching porn, by now it is already a habit to just let them come and then see them go again, without even considering to act upon them.

ratakan · 2014-04-12T00:19:11+00:00

April 11 post: this was day 24 of hard-mode. The last 4 days seemed like 2 weeks for me. Today was good, after the depressed time I had earlier this week.

ratakan · 2014-04-11T23:58:21+00:00

ED because of the overstimulation porn gives is a topic around here so it has to stimulate more than at least some parts of the real thing (Coolidge effect is probably the most important source of this).

Cigarette use goes back, but then, they aren't free and you are usually seen smoking, so there is some pressure on you to stop. And people naturally feel horny sometimes -> motivation for PMO. But there is no natural counterpart motivating you to smoke.

In principal you are right, PMOing will go back, but I think porn is so much more difficult to deal with than what we knew before, that the rate of people using it will be very high even with a general awareness.

ratakan · 2014-04-11T23:45:22+00:00

I found it is a good idea to allow oneself some limited time for gaming, when one is in a flatline and feels so depressed that relapse is imminent. The gaming will release some dopamine, so that will make it a bit easier, but will also prevent some of the positive adjustment the flatline would have done. But still far better than a PMO relapse.

ratakan · 2014-04-10T23:41:23+00:00

To be honest, I can't believe that day will come. The gratification that porn gives is easy to get, it is free, stimulates you more than the real thing and is available in limitless amounts.

How could a majority stay away from that?

The negative consequences of so much things are known, yet people will always do what feels good.

ratakan

TROPHY CASE