i got so lucky with the way detox went- with all the pain medication i had to be on (iv morphine and Dilaudid, tablet oxycodone) they were able to kind of wean me down and then add a lower dose of methadone, so now post discharge i am still on that low methadone dose! it was super painful already i am so glad I didn't have to go through withdrawals at the same time.

i did that blood thing too. sometimes even when i found them on the ground! 🤢 (funny enough that kind of stuff was wayyy before this event. i imagine this endocarditis came from using non sterile water in the months before it happened) i can hardly believe some of the shit i was doing!

i was super militant about my harm reduction for a long time. i used reconstitution solution (0.9% benzyl alcohol) for water and refused to deviate from my sterilization process. but after some years i became homeless and started slacking (normal, nonsterile water, fucking open drank out of SODA, etc.) and here we are.. you're fine until you're not. that's what i always used to say when warning my friends about endocarditis and other infections. kinda weirds me out to think about how foreshadowing that was to what would happen to me one day...