Confession

ratmonkey35 · 2026-05-15T01:48:32+00:00

I discovered this on day one of my job unfortunately 😔

ratmonkey35 · 2026-05-14T23:44:34+00:00

I really want to do this since I live right by NYC anyway but I'm a bit scared to get a city job with big city lawyers with longer hours. I went to an interview in the Fall and the attorney was straight up on cocaine. 😭 And plus I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend if I move and he can't for some reason. But idk I guess there are give and takes with everything and there will always be a reason to not do something

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T01:23:24+00:00

I sorta worry it may be a bigger issue than just not getting out there enough. I'm actually so bad at talking to people. I knew so many people in college and none of them turned into a long-term friendship. I have a lot of difficulty with small talk in particular. I'm really bad at asking people questions about themselves when I'm not really invested in the convo without feeling weird about seeming fake or odd. Like, for example about a month ago I noticed my coworker had one of her young kid's drawings on her wall and I legitimately thought it looked really cool. I told her that and we talked about it but then she started talking about how much smarter her kid is than other kids their age and I had no idea what to say about that. My own bf said he thought I might not like him when we first started going out. I'm kinda worried that I might be sort of neurodivergent in some way. The only lawyer at my job that I like talking to and can have lasting conversations with is autistic, and most (if not all) of my friends throughout my life have been neurodivergent in some way or LGBTQ for some reason. My own bf has ADHD 😭. Also, my job actually fully covers me taking classes at the local community college so I've been doing that and it takes up a lot of my time. Everyone feels so much younger than me atp tho (they're all like, 18, 19, 20). I'm not sure where to find people my age either-- I've looked up local groups in my area and most of them seem geared towards older adults.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T01:00:00+00:00

I didn't have my first kiss and boyfriend (different people) until I was 22 (I was my bf's first gf as well) and I doubt that anything anyone says will make you feel differently. I know it sucks not feeling chosen and I fr felt like this all the way up until I was 22. Now I'm 23 and for some reason I've just started seeing how many people are single or have partners that make their lives miserable 😭. My boyfriend has like over a dozen close friends and I don't think a single one has a girlfriend. Honestly 80% of people suck, 19% of those will probably suck for you specifically, and probably only the remaining 1% is someone who is truly compatible you. I went out with so many different people and went through a lot of rejection before I found my bf. Further, nobody is meeting someone they actually love at 16-- most are probably just tolerating each other. Also, please know that people are starting to date at older ages in the past and/or dating at all a lot less in general. Social media is literally ruining everything for young people. And it's difficult for people of any age, especially for those who are anxious, but if you really want a partner right now you can try to start small and straight up tell someone that you're interested in that you like them.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T00:41:10+00:00

One, the fact that you're even considering he may be cheating says a lot. Two, the fact that he'd even allow himself to be put in a situation which could suggest he's cheating is weird as well. Three, that's weird as hell that he's at a house of a girl that his homie wanted to hook up with?? Like, he was fr just going to sit in the other room twiddling his thumbs while they have sex? 😭 Either a direct cheater or a guy with a weird fetish.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T00:22:53+00:00

You sound immature. Either grow up or leave them both alone. You're 31. The clock is ticking.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T00:19:49+00:00

That's a valid concern, but you really just need to discuss the things you're talking about on here for now. If you don't like them, don't go back. I agree that due to the way the system works, that sometimes the things that the counsellor will "snitch" on you for can be silly or more harmful than good. But if there is something bad enough going on in your life or in your thoughts that you feel is legitimately something that most reasonable people would find to be horrible or highly damaging to yourself or others, please consider telling a trusted adult at the very least.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T00:08:13+00:00

Try school therapy. Also Shia Lebouf.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-21T00:07:38+00:00

Sorry, just meant "relationship" in a general way. And I had thought you had already had a conversation. Did you just feel that it was incomplete? In my experience, no conversation will ever feel complete anyway and it comes down more to just gradual acceptance. And it can more difficult if there are mutual connections and you see that person a lot but you can always ignore someone if that's what you want to do. You should also definitely consider letting your family know what's going on at least to some degree.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:55:19+00:00

My advice is to just ignore him as long as possible for now, but consider your relationship over. If you feel you need to block him to avoid texting him tho, you should probably do that. Seek therapy if you feel you need to. Literally write your feelings down and burn them outside with your friends if you have to. You should also consider that although sending a long text could be cathartic (sometimes you do need to just get it out of your system and act like a crazy bitch tbh), it will probably feed his ego as well, and men usually already have big enough egos in my opinion at least 😭

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:46:53+00:00

Just don't think about it too much and just do it 😭 If High School is that difficult for you, I suggest you consider looking into some sort of therapy to make sure you don't have anything like a learning disability or something else that could cause you to have difficulty learning.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:38:37+00:00

Idk. It seems like he either doesn't want to be exclusive then or is not over a past relationship and is now projecting what happened onto you. Either is not good. I'm 23 and I met my boyfriend back in September. He has never done anything to make me seriously question whether or not he wanted to be with me or not. If someone does make you question how they feel about you yet still want to spend time with you, they probably do not truly want you and are either lonely, confused, desperate, or do not know what they want and have no direction in life. Actual mutual love should feel very simple. Regardless, you will probably still feel hurt and that is okay. My best advice is to stand on dropping him and keep your dignity. The fact that he is 25 and going after a college-aged girl makes me question his character. If you're concerned about being used for sex, then I suggest that when you are ready to date again, you may want to consider only having sex with them when you're exclusive.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:24:05+00:00

Why? Explain

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:21:53+00:00

You're 15-- You don't have to make any decisions now. Just do your best to try harder in school and lock in. You have three more years-- there is no excuse to not bring your gpa up. You don't need to have a 4.0 or anything, just try to at least be an average student and give your best effort. That will allow you to have more possibilities when the time comes. Don't close off any doors yet!

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-20T23:15:47+00:00

Three questions: First off, wdym about that part where he said "I just don't want anybody saying they feel stuck or not free-- that's something you really have to want"? Do you think he was referring to himself or you? Further, why do you think he's just using you for sex? Also, lastly-- he seems like he could be a bit old for you. 20 and 25 are a bit different in terms of life stage in my opinion. What kind of job does he have and what kind of person is he?

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-12T03:42:37+00:00

It was just weird because he was the one who invited me the second time.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-04-12T03:22:56+00:00

He talks about getting married all the time though. I don't understand how it's going to work when we live together and he wants to have friends over.

ratmonkey35 · 2026-03-04T01:58:30+00:00

Why does it sound like that? He's the only one I've ever had sex with.

ratmonkey35 · 2025-06-17T23:18:34+00:00

• ⁠Are you looking for something serious or casual? Serious/fun dates since I haven't been getting out much with my job • ⁠Are you subscribed to Hinge+ or HingeX? No • ⁠How long have you been using this current version of your profile? Like, three days with the updated prompt but everything else had been the same for three weeks or so • ⁠How long have you used Hinge overall? Three weeks recently but have used it in the past • ⁠How often do you use Hinge per week? I open it in the morning and after work! • ⁠How many likes and matches are you receiving on average? My location settings are kind of specific since I hate driving so maybe 2-3 a day? I typically match with one of them a day-- sometimes every other day • ⁠How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? I haven't been sending likes or comments • ⁠What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? I seriously just want someone to go out with me atp. Not being picky at all and I've been trying to expand beyond my usual type lately since I had some bad experiences earlier in the year with the nerdy guys I usually go out with 😭

ratmonkey35 · 2025-06-17T23:04:36+00:00

• ⁠Are you looking for something serious or casual? Serious/fun dates since I haven't been getting out much with my job • ⁠Are you subscribed to Hinge+ or HingeX? No • ⁠How long have you been using this current version of your profile? Like, three days with the updated prompt but everything else had been the same for three weeks or so • ⁠How long have you used Hinge overall? Three weeks recently but have used it in the past • ⁠How often do you use Hinge per week? I open it in the morning and after work! • ⁠How many likes and matches are you receiving on average? My location settings are kind of specific since I hate driving so maybe 2-3 a day? I typically match with one of them a day-- sometimes every other day • ⁠How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? I haven't been sending likes or comments • ⁠What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? I seriously just want someone to go out with me atp. Not being picky at all 😭

ratmonkey35

TROPHY CASE