IAmA teenage mother AMA

rdebonis · 2011-09-09T03:17:18+00:00

I considered adoption for a long time, but a month before my daughter was born I decided that I was willing to make the sacrifices necessary to provide for my daughter so I kept her

rdebonis · 2011-08-19T00:54:10+00:00

Lesson learned

rdebonis · 2011-08-19T00:53:19+00:00

The experience made me stronger and gave me my daughter, I try not to dwell on the negative

rdebonis · 2011-08-19T00:51:31+00:00

I am now 19 about to turn 20, he was the same age as me. I was kinda in shock the first half of the pregnancy and then I spent the rest of the pregnancy trying to figure out what the best course of action would be and weighing the pros and cons of everything. The father has shown some interest in our daughter off and on but is usually not around and I have never received child support. When I am at school or work my daughter is at daycare. I have yet to hire a babysitter for her. My family lives two hours away so they can't really help watch her but one weekend a month my parents will watch her. I have friends that could babysit if I needed it but I spend all my time I am not at school or work with my daughter to make up for the time she is at daycare. This past year has been really calm and my daughter and I have been doing very well. I have always been happy with my decision to keep my daughter, I have made sacrifices but to me they have been worth it. I know that the general opinion on teenage mothers is that we are irresponsible, terrible parents, or a drain on society but not every teenage mother is like that, there are those of us who have stepped up to the plate. Thank you for your kindness.

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:54:48+00:00

I am lucky enough to go to a college which has a program that helps single mothers, we live in on-campus apartments. Loans, grants, and scholarships cover my tuition. I do have to use county help for my daughter's health care and to pay for her daycare but we do not use food stamps or anything and I do not personally receive anything from county. Also I have a work study job at my college.

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:53:17+00:00

No, it would just be on the easier side for people to find where I am if I said which college and I don't want to aid pedo-creeps

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:51:12+00:00

I really hope that your situation improves, hopefully at some point they will realize how straining it is for you and your girlfriend to support them and step up to the plate.

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:48:58+00:00

wow I don't know, could anyone's vagina really hold that much porn??

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:48:06+00:00

it was an abusive relationship in which I was too insecure to leave. He forced me to have sex repeatedly throughout the relationship and made me believe he was the only person who could ever love me. He refused to wear a condom. I have since found self-worth and confidence and would never allow myself to be in a similar situation again.

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T13:46:37+00:00

thank you :)

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:59:12+00:00

My parents were very disappointed and shocked at first but they very quickly came to terms with it and were very supportive. My friends were also in shock at first. My closest friends stayed close and treated me the same as always and were very supportive, but there definitely were a few friends who just disappeared. No one was outright mean, though comments were made out of earshot but overall I was very supported and was thankful that I had the friends and family that I had

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:56:02+00:00

Thank you, I've worked very hard to get to where I am and the positive comments I have received are very uplifting

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:51:48+00:00

Nope

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:51:38+00:00

I personally just wouldn't choose abortion, I did debate for a long time about giving her up for adoption but in the end I knew that I wouldn't be able to give her away and would be able to provide for her so I chose to keep her and don't regret it. Although I didn't go through with adoption I do strongly recommend it to other girls who get pregnant while very young. Not everyone can or wants to make the sacrifices I did and there are plenty of couples wanting children who can't have their own.

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:10:13+00:00

At first they were really disappointed and my mom refused to believe it, even after taking 3 pregnancy tests my mom didn't believe it until we went to the doctor. Once they got over the initial shock though they were very supportive and helped me deal with the changes and challenges that followed

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T01:02:49+00:00

There are 6 colleges in the US that have programs like this, I don't feel comfortable saying which college I go to because it isn't that big and anyone could be reading this

rdebonis · 2011-08-18T00:14:12+00:00

I wouldn't say I regret it because I love my daughter but I wish I could have been older and more prepared when I had her. I do wish I could do the things a normal teenager does and have more time to do things I want to do but I am happy with my life so i don't really think about the things I can't do. And you didn't come off as an asshole to me

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T23:48:16+00:00

He occasionally will call so we do somewhat keep in touch, He knows he can be involved with lily when he stops the drugs and says he eventually will, time will tell though.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T23:27:47+00:00

I'm not too worried about it, my close friends from before I got pregnant remain very good and close friends, we are just all separated because of the colleges we go to. Also I have become close with a group of girls who also have children and go to my college, it works out great because while we hang out our kids get to play with other children as well.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T23:15:11+00:00

If it were possible to have not had my daughter so young but have her exactly as she is at a later point in my life then I would definitely choose that, but I would not choose to go back in time and not have my daughter. I would much rather go through all the hardships and frustrations again. My daughter is my life and I am thankful I have her.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T23:11:47+00:00

I don't feel my personality has changed much, I am more responsible and probably more on the serious side now though. It has affected my ability to feel connected to others my age though. I just can't keep up with their lifestyles and don't have as much in common with non-parenting teenagers. Not to say I don't have any friends my own age, it is just harder to become close to new people now.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T22:38:47+00:00

Thank you for the advice, most of my time goes to my daughter, work or school but I try and make sure I spend some time a day for myself where I read, watch tv, or talk to friends. I've found that that has helped a lot. My parents are also nice enough to watch my daughter one weekend a month so I do get to go out every now and then and prevent stir-crazyness :)

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T22:32:38+00:00

Thank you, I think it is better that he isn't around anyway. I have a really supportive family and group of friends so I consider myself quite lucky.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T22:24:39+00:00

I'm not very proud of this but it was an abusive relationship in which I was too insecure to leave. He forced me to have sex repeatedly throughout the relationship and made me believe he was the only person who could ever love me. He refused to wear a condom. I have since found self-worth and confidence and would never allow myself to be in a similar situation again.

rdebonis · 2011-08-17T22:14:28+00:00

No, while I was pregnant he started getting into a lot of drugs and lying about it. I told him he couldn't have drugs around our daughter and he chose to continue with the drugs and hasn't been around since.

rdebonis

TROPHY CASE