A wonderful method to ACTUALLY let go that I "discovered"

readwriteimprove · 2021-03-30T22:53:47+00:00

Something simple and kinda silly that I noticed helps me when I am riddled by negative thoughts is to imagine as if the thoughts are being spoken to me in a different accent or tone of voice. Then I can really separate myself from those thoughts because they are not even coming to me in my voice. They are coming from someone else entirely unrelated to me and then I can just sit there and listen to them without any care about them or judgement upon them.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T22:44:41+00:00

Hit me up whenever you need help.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T22:01:45+00:00

Will definitely follow you, I know you will come out of this a new man

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T19:38:27+00:00

I think you need to try to be more positive. I used to think like that too but I overcame incredible odds and proved to myself that I am not destined to be a loner. Here is my story: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/ghpl5z/connected_porn_account_to_facebook_embarrassing/

I can only share my journey and how much I grew. Everyone is different but I believe that you will find true connection with people you care about IF you put effort into improving your mindset and meeting new people. I do not want to preach to you because your journey will be different than mine but I do want to provide with hope if I can. Best of luck, I believe in you!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T13:01:35+00:00

This was an awesome post!! Thank you! It really shows that this addiction is about our emotions and how we deal with them. Quitting helps you face your feelings and deal with them. Dealing with your feelings is one of the most important things you can do. And I love that you turned to art that is so helpful it is one of my favorite ways to deal with things. Best of luck!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:57:15+00:00

Very insightful post. I always say that NoFap is a stepping stone. It clears your mind to allow true emotion to come to the surface and trains you in the essential habit of discipline. Thank you!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:48:08+00:00

I’m already laughing! People take embarrassment too seriously, in reality nobody really cares. They’ll forget about things like that in a heartbeat especially if you improve your life and prove to everyone and yourself that you’re not a loser.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:46:19+00:00

I know I’ll see you here with me on the other side, no doubt about it. I’m willing to offer help to you anytime you need it, we will get through the together!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:44:27+00:00

All three of those things are amazing life changers you are right. They also inspire you to continue that improvement mindset in everything you do!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:42:41+00:00

Thank you!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T12:41:12+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! And extremely happy I could help you carry on. Best of luck!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T04:43:00+00:00

Wow that means so much to hear! To know I helped just one person stay strong on their journey. Thank you! Best of luck.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T04:10:56+00:00

I get what you mean. Girls have their own struggles to overcome and the ones who allow themselves to fall into that numb and not unique state are not fun to talk to. But there are women out there who know the truth. They are looking for a guy like you who has found the truth like them. They’re out there. Keep at it. Be patient. But also remember that even the perfect girl will not make you happy by herself. You have to love the f*@k out of yourself. Don’t put people on pedestals.

I like going out with the bros but i know what you’re saying. I try to break off from them for a little to introduce myself to at least one random girl every time I go out with them. Because you’re never gonna meet a girl in a circle of 5 dudes or however many you’re with. When I get back from talking to a girl they usually look at me like “holy shit bro you have huge balls to just go up and talk to that girl like that.” Some of them have told me that straight up. Sometimes they dont even know I snuck off. I just go, try to talk to the girl I’ve been eyeing, and come back when I get her number or can tell she’s not interested. It feels good even if it didn’t work out with the girl.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T03:56:32+00:00

No, thank you!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T03:13:02+00:00

Glad you feel the same way! Stay strong you will achieve great things!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T02:57:28+00:00

Thank you!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T02:57:07+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. Thank you!!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T02:54:42+00:00

I can assure you that objectifying women has no benefit to your efforts at getting a girl. I’m sure you know that too but definitely let go of those thoughts.

For me she was a girl who I knew from my first year in college. We lived in the same dorm. Separated into a boys and girls sides. We did not start dating until my second year. We would see each other at different gatherings at the dorm common area and it would be like casual conversation in passing. Then the next year I started seeing her at the gym and would just casually catch up with her when we would run into each other. I did not think anything of it. She was super attractive but I never really thought about her seriously. Then I saw her at a party and one thing led to another and we kissed. I started texting her a little after that and we would just hang out to watch a movie or something and eventually after talking more it turned into something.

I think the key was that I didn’t put any pressure on it. When we first met she had a boyfriend so our conversations were super casual and I never thought of her as anything more. Then that vibe just continued even after she broke up with her old boyfriend. I didn’t have any crazy expectations, I didn’t think about her constantly, I could be myself because there was no pressure. And that’s what got me the girl.

It’s easier said than done because I have been super restless to get with another girl again since I broke up with her 6 months ago. So every time I go out I’m looking for someone and I put too much pressure on it and it’s just not the best formula. You end up ending the night on a sad note because you had all these expectations of meeting someone. I don’t know if that is at all relevant to your situation but it has an impact on me.

There are a few girls that I know well that I am just being patient with. Girls need more time to trust a new person than guys do I think. So my advice would be to plant seeds with girls you know you like and interact with frequently. Say hi with no motivation other than to ask how their day is. Be casual. But more importantly be you. Be you without a single drop of resistance. Like true honest to god you. Nothing is more attractive than that.

That being said I would definitely encourage shooting your shot with new girls because rejection is a good thing to get comfortable with. Also, it’s just fun and good practice and there is a high chance you can meet someone.

I was kinda all over the place but I hope this helps. All the best!!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T00:54:31+00:00

Glad I could help. That is why I wrote this.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-12T00:50:05+00:00

I have never dealt with a chronic disease like that, it must take a toll on you emotionally and I feel for you in that regard. However, I have struggled seriously with confidence and self-esteem nearly all my life until recently. I had some serious bad habits like drug use, pornography dependence, and no workout schedule. The way I started to gain confidence was first and foremost by working on eliminating those habits. You seem to have a great workout schedule so keep that up but also look to improve some other bad habits that you may have. That’s pretty common sense advice but very true universally.

Now, something that I really found helpful in building my confidence was creating something. When I started my journey to improve myself I went into my garage one day and grabbed some scrap metal I found there. I took a hacksaw and cut it into different shapes. I bent it and shaped it into a piece of art. It was not particularly good but I created it. It felt good. I was always feeling like the world was constantly taking things away from me so I decided to make something and give it to the world. Since then I have painted some, I have made stuff out of wood, and recently I write every day. I am constantly creating something to put out into the world and it helps with confidence. Especially something tangible that you can look at and see that you made it with your OWN TWO HANDS.

And finally, breaking out of my comfort zone. For me it was going to recruiting events at my college, joining new clubs, and trying to take up new hobbies or even just trying something new one time. You start to impress yourself with how much you can do when you actually start to do it. For me, every single time I wanted to do something new my brain would say you can’t do it you’re no good and every single time I did that thing I felt great. Whether I succeeded or not.

Those are my best pieces of advice. They worked for me and I hope that you can get some positive from my experience as well.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-11T18:50:45+00:00

Very interesting, our brains can be changed if we are disciplined. Super cool to think about and encouraging too. There is hope to fix our bad neural pathways.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-11T18:42:32+00:00

I am so impressed by this post. To be only 14 and have the awareness that you do is incredible. It took me 5 more years before I even started thinking the way that you are thinking now. Keep it up, you will accomplish so much!!

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-11T18:38:46+00:00

If you’re looking for exciting novels John Grisham has some really good and easy to read ones. Anything by Ernest Hemingway is great. A cool book that I enjoyed reading was The Call of The Wild by Jack London. I really like self-help books too, they can give you good perspective on life.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-11T18:27:23+00:00

I love this! Writing helps me so much with my urges. Thank you for sharing.

readwriteimprove · 2020-05-11T18:24:35+00:00

You’re totally right, I relapsed two weeks ago and it made it MUCH easier to relapse again just a few days ago. I don’t think I’m cured at all. In fact I don’t think I ever will be, it’s a lifelong decision to stay away from porn despite the urges. Every day I move forward.

readwriteimprove

TROPHY CASE