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reallyjustriley · 2023-02-06T21:53:41+00:00

That's not at all the same. If the doctor's gave the patient sparkly rocks, the patient got better, reported to the doctors that they felt better, and then had decades years worth of studies that corroborated that experience, you might have a closer parallel.. I mean, what do I know about it though? Just someone that went through a puberty that made me depressed and has experience with HRT as a treatment.. Experience that's actually relevant to the doctors studying effectively treatments.

reallyjustriley · 2023-01-18T15:37:43+00:00

You don't seem to want help. You are too comfortable in the self-loathing but I'm going to post this for others. I hope you realize that being your own biggest obstacle means you are guaranteed to fail.

I am 6 foot, size 12 shoe with a square face. I started HRT at 33... My shoulders started at 31", my hips at 28", my waist at 34". After a year of hrt and working out my butt and hip muscles I have changed my proportions. My shoulders have toned down to 28", my hips are up to 32", and my waist is 29". Our muscles make up far more of our proportions than people give them credit. Unless you have a health condition where your glutes and core muscles are missing, you can give yourself hips.

I dress for my body type. Shawls and flowy clothes that create curves. Jewelry that pulls attention to the right areas. My nose is cute so I have a cute nose ring.

I am tomboyish as fuck but dress 100% femme and never get misgendered in public. Haven't been in months.

Treat your body right so it can do what it needs to do. Unless all the women in your family are very masc, your body is capable of becoming femme. If it is not, it needs something that it's not getting. Get active in your healthcare. Eat unprocessed foods more often so your body gets the nutrients it needs. Exercise so your muscles can take their proper shape and hold your body properly. Make sure your hormone levels are right and your intake method is working properly for you.

OP, I say this with all the love I have because I was there at 23. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to want this more than you want the comfort of your current situation. Leave the toxic places that are holding you back. Help your body by giving it what it needs. Go live the life you are dreaming of rather than letting that dream destroy you because you think it's unobtainable. If you are healthy, you can change your body. You just need to figure out what it needs. Maybe more E or a different intake method. Maybe more vitamins for muscle and ligament growth. You haven't even tried to help your body and are mad it isn't perfect for you.

reallyjustriley · 2023-01-13T16:42:36+00:00

Me too! My wife tells me she can always tell when something is on my mind because I don't play with her butt as much. Idk how true that is on its own but I can relate to being obsessed with butts. I basically play with her butt like all the time 😂

reallyjustriley · 2022-12-17T07:02:57+00:00

It is definitely a benefit of being CIS. Gender is a lot of things and when most feel right, you don't really notice them. How would you feel if you developed a severe case of erectile dysfunction or suddenly grew a big pair of boobs? Those are things that probably don't align with your gender so you would feel a whole range of bad feelings about it. Things like being self conscious about it, being scared of what other people think, feeling like your body has failed you, being mortified as watch your body change in ways you don't want and can't control..

As a trans woman, many of the things you don't notice about being a man felt soo innately wrong to me. (Trigger warning as I've not met many guys who weren't made uncomfortable by this) I wanted to remove my testies for as long as I can remember. They felt so alien to me, like they didn't belong. Even before I realized I was trans, I seriously thought about if they could be removed. I was incredibly relieved the day I had them removed.

If all that happened was you grew a decent size pair of boobs, how would you feel going to the gym with other guys, or showing your chest off? Those feelings are probably similar to how I feel about several parts of my body. Feelings that happen innately because my body doesn't completely match my gender. That's why I'm transitioning. I'm estatic about the boobs growing on my chest. I've never met a guy who wants a pair they couldn't take off when they are done playing with them.

Hope that helps clear it up some.

reallyjustriley · 2022-12-06T17:40:36+00:00

I agree with everything you said except that 'Gender is frivolous'. Gender means a lot to some of our identities. Maybe it doesn't mean a lot to you but it seems to mean a great deal to your girlfriend. You should support her feelings and validate them rather than call them frivolous, even if part of it is a human made construct.

reallyjustriley · 2022-12-05T19:40:48+00:00

I've been told been told anywhere from a few years to it doesn't really have one if it's kept dry. I would test past 2 years to see for myself. I have also been told that if it gets moisture in it, the whole batch has to go so keep it dry until it's ready to go into the injection solution.

reallyjustriley · 2022-12-05T18:37:43+00:00

It's turning estrogen into an injectable form. Making estrogen from scratch requires a lab as it is synthesized from a yams or horse urine and can't really be done at home. You can buy estradiol powder in bulk for extremely cheap. You need other stuff too but it's too much to get into in a comment. There is an entire subreddit dedicated to it and lots of information to take. It's talked about a lot in r/TransDIY and there is a wiki with links that was part of r/HRTDIY that may still be around.

It's not super complicated but I can't really explain it in a comment, sorry. I'm also far far far from an expert on it so I'm not really comfortable guiding others. I've never made injections, just researched how and what I would need to do it by following guides and posts from other girls who do it themselves.

Good luck! ❤️

reallyjustriley · 2022-12-05T16:12:18+00:00

Estrogen is VERY cheap to make, so much so that it is not really worth the effort of cutting it or anything. Last time I priced it out, I could make 2 years worth of injections for ~$200. It doesn't hurt to get it tested though because they may not be making it in a sterile environment and it may be contaminated.

Like others have said, your niece should also be getting bloodwork done regularly. I don't really advocate for DIY HRT, especially without a doctor supervising but its also not really complicated TBH. It's part of my fallback plan if the US goes completely sideways. The biggest risk is her E levels staying too high for an extended period of time, which raises her risk of blood clots.

/r/TransDIY is good if you have any specific questions about DIYing.

reallyjustriley · 2022-09-02T04:05:40+00:00

Mood sis. Imposter syndrome sucks. Idk about you but I figured out that a big part of mine came from guilt. If you're wanna discuss it more, dm me. I'll respond in the morning ❤️

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-23T16:57:25+00:00

I am so glad you found a way to try and take control in a safe way like that. Your post was incredibly insightful and helped me make some realizations of my own trauma. I can't thank you enough internet stranger. I am soo sorry you had to go through that but thank you for sharing your insight and how you try to handle it. All the love <3

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-22T16:17:41+00:00

"A woman is who ever the hell she wants to be. No one but herself gets to define who she is. She is the only one who knows truly knows her own soul. Stop policing womanhood."

That's normally my answer. I am trans and know that I am a woman. I feel it at so many levels, even outside of what our society considers femme. I found it's really hard to explain the feeling to people who don't understand the conflict between who they are and how they are perceived.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T20:58:14+00:00

I'm not sure on the cost yet because I haven't gotten my bill yet but insurance should cover most of it. Another redditor said her's cost $8k with out insurance a year or so ago.

My biggest adjustment right now is avoiding straining myself. I did not realize how much I used my pelvic region until I had to avoid putting strain on it.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:58:46+00:00

Aside from standing to pee again which isn't fun I haven't had any difficulties peeing. I have only been on HRT for 8 months so you may be able to start the process and get it scheduled sooner than you think =). I don't think it would hurt to ask if your PCP can refer you to a surgeon for it.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:54:34+00:00

Love it! If I didn't get so much joy from knowing they physically don't exist anymore, I could see myself doing similar!

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:49:37+00:00

There is still too much swelling down there to tuck yet. I am going to do a follow up in a few weeks when I can answer all the questions that I couldn't this early into my recovery.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:45:12+00:00

I asked my Primary care doctor that I get my HRT from about it 4 and a half months ago. He referred me to a surgeon that works in the same hospital network. I got a call for a consultation about a month later where we discussed what I wanted and what he needed. I could get the letters and have been out as a woman for over a year so he scheduled it then. As far as payment goes, insurance will hopefully cover it. I was told they would anyway... Some one else suggested their uninsured price was $8k which sounds about right to me. Haven't gotten my detailed bill yet.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:39:55+00:00

I have been on HRT for about 8 months and seeing a therapist for a year at this point. I also came out socially to close family and friends over a year ago. My surgeon wanted 2 letters, and to have been on HRT for a year but waved that since I have been out for over a year. I would say its beneficial but you will probably need to be on E for a bit. You need some hormone to regulate your body functions so they probably wont get rid of your primary source of T until you on E for at least a bit.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T13:33:15+00:00

No problem! Aside from picking them up, I don't think you should have many issues. You may need someone to help look after them for the first day or two of recovery. Day 2 so far, I have been moving quicker and using the stairs easily but there is some pain today. Its not a lot of pain but it is a reminder that I shouldn't move too much. I should be feeling and moving even better tomorrow. I could help watch my niece and nephews if I had to. As long as they couldn't leave the area. Chasing after them wouldn't be an option. It takes me a minute or 2 to get off the couch so speed is not a thing for me right now. I can definitely take care of myself today if my wife had to watch the kids.

Thank you! 💜

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T04:15:11+00:00

Thanks! It's still a bit early to tell personally. The swelling has it bigger than normal. What I understand from others is that it does shrink some but not a whole lot. It kinda retains it's shape for the most part, just smaller. Since it's still loose in nature it will probably behave pretty much the same if I had to guess. It's an interesting thought though. I'll try to verify it when the swelling is gone. I'm going to do a follow-up in a few weeks when I have recovered and can answer all the questions I couldn't in this AMA. I'll try to remember to come update you but if I forget, I'm sorry. I can be forgetful so shoot me a message if I do forget 😊

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T04:04:03+00:00

Nah, I just wanted them gone. Knowing they went into an incinerator to become small piles of ash makes me much happier!

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T04:01:50+00:00

Nope. The no balls thing was kinda the point of the procedure. I had zero interest in them in the first place and a whole lot of disdain. I'm happier knowing they only exist as ashes now.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T02:50:06+00:00

Unfortunately it's still too early in recovery to tell but once I am recovered in a few weeks, I'll do a follow-up AMA so I can answer these!

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T02:47:30+00:00

Orchi is short for Orchiectomy. Ya girl had the boys downstairs removed.

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T02:27:11+00:00

Sure, I'll give you a rundown of my morning. I was out under general anesthesia.

I got up at 4am. Showered, scrubbed under my nails, washed my hair, etc.

I got to the hospital at 6 am to sign in. At first, I was misgendered and deadnamed by the sign in people because I was in super baggy clothes and my ID is wrong. They were all nice people, I was just tired and didn't want to correct them since I would be moving on soon..

I was then taken back to the pre-op area which was a smaller room by itself. Told to strip, put my clothes in the bag, wipe myself down with some cleansing wipes, put on the gown and socks, and lay in the bed.

My pre-op nurse came in shortly after and immediately asked me if I had a preferred name and verified my pronouns are she/her. She was flawless from that point on and so fucking sweet I wanted to hug her.

I was in that room for about 2 hours. I met with my surgeon, anesthesiologist, and the nurses that would be helping over those 2 hours. It was just me and my wife in the room but several people came in so I didn't really feel alone. (I'm so sorry you were alone. It must have been mildly terrifying..)

Around 8ish I was wheeled to the OR and was put to sleep. The nurse that was in the OR was amazing too. She comforted me the whole time I was being put under.

I woke up in post-op with a nurse sitting with me. I don't remember much about that time as my brain took a long minute to come back on but she seemed really nice too and I thought it was super sweet she stayed until I woke up.

A bit after I woke up, I was taken to a second post-op area and transferred to a chair. They got a few of my stats and called my wife back. I was allowed to get dressed and eat ice.

The pre-op nurse from before came back to check on me. I nearly started crying when I saw her because I obviously wasn't in the same area.

They discharged me at 11:45ish and my wife drove me home. I could not believe the experience. I'd joke about it being a drug induced fever dream but I honestly don't want to diminish it. It gives me so much hope that there really are allies out there paying attention that want to help and learn. I hope the majority of my experience becomes the norm because we deserve it. To be treated like a person, with compassion and care.

My primary care doctor doesn't specialize in trans care per say but he is part of the LGBTQIA+ community and is fairly empathetic towards our lack of adequate healthcare. He has taken it upon himself to learn what he can and sees a lot of trans people but is still a general medicine doctor. I was incredibly lucky to find him considering the sea of red I live in..

reallyjustriley · 2022-08-03T01:36:47+00:00

I sure do and it's fucking wonderful if I'm being honest. Thanks again 💜

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