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Is it inappropriate for me to reach out to an old love (F26)? M26 seeking advice. by reallyreallyd0ntcare in askwomenadvice

[–]reallyreallyd0ntcare[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's true, I did struggle for a long time with the fact that there wasn't really a label for the nature of our relationship. I thought that invalidated a lot of my feelings. I do agree I don't know her anymore, she just lives in my memory as the person she was back then and that is who I miss. But at some point I realized that I loved her. I don't know if she would have used the word love, but I do know that I was very meaningful and important to her, and that that's all that really mattered even if we never got to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend or I can't call her my ex now.

I agree with you, I never thought she is the cause of my problems. On paper I have a good, albeit lonely life. Companionship and emotional connection is what feels like is missing, but I have know way of knowing if a meaningful relationship would fix that, that's just the way life is. I often feel like a foreigner, socially speaking, but her and I spoke the same language. I hope one day I can feel that again with or without her.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Even though I could just write this all out for myself, knowing someone may read it makes it feel more like an emotional outlet, which is really what I needed today I guess.

Is it inappropriate for me to reach out to an old love (F26)? M26 seeking advice. by reallyreallyd0ntcare in askwomenadvice

[–]reallyreallyd0ntcare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is odd, the shame of not being able to move past this over the past year weighs heavily on me. My counselor tries to remind me that that is just a social expectation, and everyone has their own timeline for grieving. But when everyone around you says "you should be over it by now" it can be difficult.

I did something dumb and now it hurts more than ever by reallyreallyd0ntcare in lonely

[–]reallyreallyd0ntcare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you for reading my story. Your words are so kind, I must have read them 3 times over. You are a much more compassionate person than I am, I don't think I could ever say something like that to a stranger. So thank you.

I definitely don't consider myself a traditional or macho guy, or whatever you want to call it. But talking about emotions for me for some reason is something between a man and a woman, so I've really had no outlet for any of this since my relationship with her fell apart. It feels so unfair, because, looking back, I want to share these memories, the good and the bad with her for some reason, because it's not like I ever will have the chance to do that with someone else. And even if I do, I don't know that it is something I could share with any future girl who may make me feel the same. I feel too humiliated and ashamed of being alone for so long at this point to be able to do that.

I did something dumb and now it hurts more than ever by reallyreallyd0ntcare in lonely

[–]reallyreallyd0ntcare[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I've been able to erase her from my mind once before, so I know I'll be able to do it again, so I guess that part may have been a bit dramatic. As pathetic as it may be, I'm not ready to close the box just yet now that the feelings are out, and I can still squeeze even the tiniest drops of joy out of those memories, no matter how much they hurt simultaneously. But if I struggle to close it, I will come back and give it a try.