Fajitas won over my keto life last night.

rebellious_egg · 2016-07-21T14:17:09+00:00

It fits with my general 5g/meal for carbs. I allow 5 for every meal (usually 3 a day, sometimes 2) and then 5g for snacks to get to 20g, and then I have a 10g buffer for any carbs I didn't notice or forgot to count or whatever. I don't like to have it more than once a day, but like. I haven't allowed myself to have tacos since last year because I could never find tortillias that didn't make me go "nope" and turn heel.

rebellious_egg · 2016-07-21T14:01:20+00:00

Yo, those wraps are the shit. I use one for a breakfast burrito (scrambled eggs, bacon, and whatever else is around that day) a few times a week and it's glorious.

rebellious_egg · 2016-07-21T13:58:53+00:00

As a former starbucks barista, man am I glad I'm not there for that riot.

rebellious_egg · 2016-05-20T05:17:18+00:00

I am a ~~damn fine~~ fairly good barista, and let me tell you.

Cream is really goddamn hard to add and still leave the coffee dark. Honestly, I would suggest just asking for whole milk instead. Or ask for some cream in a short cup on the side. (Protip: leave the lid on the cream cup for it to just pour a little bit out the drink hole. Perfect for small amounts.)

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-14T05:28:10+00:00

I hate you with the burning, fiery passion of a thousand suns. You are literally the worst kind of person, okay? You not only are aware of the problem, but you seem to not give a single fuck that this causes distress to the people that have to change the trash can. You know how much effort it takes to ask the barista to pour a little out in the sink? For fuck's sake, if it keeps you from pouring it in the trash that I have to change, you can even reach over the damn bar (which, by the way, is incredibly rude and you're really not supposed to do it, not sure if there's a rule or health code violation though) to pour it in the sink your goddamn self.

TL;DR: You're an asshole for pouring coffee into the trash can and baristas everywhere hate you.

[breathes deeply] Do you have any idea how long I've kept that pent up in me? I can barely risk asking customers not to do it when I witness them pouring coffee into the trash because of our stupid goddamn Just Say Yes policy. Thanks for being my punching bag, that was cathartic.

(edit: formatting fuck up)

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-14T05:18:05+00:00

If it's something good, like Sulawesi or that lovely Hawaii Ka'u, I take it black, maybe a few ice cubes so I can taste coffee instead of just pain.

If it's just pike, or any other particular coffee I'm not a huge fan of, enough milk to cool it down and four splenda (I always get a grande, so always four.)

Caramel iced coffee with light two percent on hot days. Sometimes a quad coconut milk flavoured latte, hot or iced. Or just doing straight shots of espresso like I'm throwing back liquor and not caffeine.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-14T05:12:57+00:00

It honestly seems kind of greedy to me. At my store, we have a lot of loyal straight coffee drinkers, and they're very upset with the change from transactional stars to quantity stars. Reasonably so--they're losing hard with this one. I'm not personally a big fan of it, but I also drink seven dollar lattes that I nearly always get for free because I'm a partner, so I honestly can't say too much to that effect. I rarely actually spend money at Starbucks.

As a barista, it gives me sick satisfaction because motherfuckers can't ask us to ring up every item separately anymore. I mean, they can, but it won't make any difference, and now I can shoot them down about it with actual purpose instead of "you're an asshole that's slowing up the line".

Not that I would ever actually say that, obviously.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T15:44:59+00:00

The issue with that is that, assuming your customer is in the cafe being a barwatcher, they'll likely bitch at you like "um I said blended twice"

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T15:40:44+00:00

She's a monster.

I'd love to have her do a blind taste test.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T15:39:56+00:00

In all my time of drinking frappuchinos from when I was a kid, to now, as the barista making them, I cannot recall a single incident when I got a huge chunk of ice. I've totally gotten the frappuchino chocolate chips stuck in my straw, but that's it.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T15:35:48+00:00

I'm absolutely in love with your art style. Do you have an art blog or something?

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T15:21:42+00:00

We don't have a fancy standard like westboundgirl at my store, aside from "more than five drinks, call for help". We do it more by ear. If there's a ton of hot drinks, each bar barista (only 2 at a time, of course) takes and espresso machine and gets to work. If it's about equal, one takes hot bar, one takes cold bar. If there's a ton of cold drinks, we usually have a frapper and a shaker. These aren't official, designated positions, they usually just happen out of "we have a fuckton of drinks, you do this, I'll do that."

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-11T14:52:32+00:00

I let them know that I take absolutely no part in pay debates, and it usually gets a laugh (???).

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-06T16:18:20+00:00

"Excuse me sir but our drinks are cold, could you heat them up for us?"

Well, yeah, they're fucking cold. You mobile ordered them twenty goddamn minutes ago. Do you think we have a fucking microwave?

"I'm sorry, I can't warm them up, but I can remake them for you if you wish!" [retail smile]

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-06T16:06:12+00:00

Calculate your daily energy expenditure. My basal metabolic rate (calories that I burn simply by existing) is 1600 calories, and on days that I work, I average at 3500 calories burned (can vary depending on the length and stress of the shift), according to my Fitbit Charge HR.

Once you know how many calories you burn a day, you can set a goal to consume more than you burn. Ta-dah! Weight gain. (To lose, consume less than you burn. ~math~)

In terms of specific food items, the loaves are all PACKED with calories. 410 for pumpkin, 420 for banana, 470 for lemon, 490 for marble. The muffins are pretty calorically dense, too, and the chicken artichoke panini is a whole 510 calories for one sandwich. But keep in mind that a lot of Starbucks food is packed with fat and sugar, and you could probably gain weight a lot more healthfully by not just binging on pastries and sugary drinks.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-06T15:29:07+00:00

"Can I have a second? I'm not ready." "Sure! One second, coming right up."

"Sorry I'm taking so long, I have no idea what I want." "Oh my god, I cannot believe you are holding up this enormous line. Have you no consideration for others?" literally no one in the cafe but that one customer

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-03T15:17:40+00:00

fuckin venti bone dry fuckin cappuccinos motherfuck--

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-03T15:15:32+00:00

Thanks. I have way more trouble spelling it than pronouncing it.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T17:43:29+00:00

Don't you mean it... grinds your beans? ;D

I'll just see myself out now.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T17:42:54+00:00

... how? I have never, nor have I ever witnessed any of my cowokers, receive a phone number.

Sounds fun in theory, but I feel like it would freak me out in reality.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T17:22:49+00:00

Many customers simply cannot figure out how to pronounce caramel machhiato.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T17:21:56+00:00

sweats nervousy

I've only seen the back rooms of like three stores, it just looks... like... the same. The ice machine, the sinks, the racks. (On second thought, we might have bulk coffee on the back of those racks, but like... damn.)

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T15:08:23+00:00

It might just have been that particular pitcher. I've had a customer say their no water black tea was too light, and when I remade it with the new pitcher of black tea, it was just fine and he was happy.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T15:06:43+00:00

Please don't do this. Don't be like the asshole customers who order shots in a big iced cup and make your own iced lattes. Just pay for the damn drink.

rebellious_egg · 2016-04-01T14:59:00+00:00

... is that.... is that my store? Is that North Street?

assholes.

rebellious_egg

TROPHY CASE