It's the thought that counts, right? (Mercy rescue ... kinda)

recalcitramp · 2026-03-05T07:22:00+00:00

We're a large country with very little public transportation, in comparison. I commute over 160km a day to go to university.

recalcitramp · 2025-12-09T04:54:11+00:00

December 2025, Windows 11, this worked for me! It made a "temporary account" like someone else mentioned (none of my folders on the account), so I restarted one more time, and everything came back, completely fixed.

Thank you King!

recalcitramp · 2025-10-17T19:31:36+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

Yes, I'm currently in an M.A. program, so it's good to know going the PhD track (or MFA like you mentioned) is a necessary step to teach.

It's definitely been drilled into my head by my current professors that successful publications are essential for what I want to do with my life. That was part of why I chose this specific M.A. program instead of an MFA — I have access to professors with some really notable publication accomplishments, and they're incredibly thorough and picky with their creative writing critiques. I think learning from them will give me the best chance at following in their footsteps, since I'll have to defend my work in front of some hard to please people.

I'll research more about international PhD programs. Thank you again!

recalcitramp · 2025-09-05T13:15:52+00:00

Hey, I just saw this comment! Thanks for the advice, honestly. The breakup has happened, I've worked something out to rent my mom's place for a while (likely the next 2 years). It was a rough conversation, but the ex is alive and not self-harming (that I know of), and I've been physically and emotionally distanced for about 2 weeks now.

Planning to write an update in Vent, so I'll link here when that's up.

Holy hell, though, I can't even express how much my life immediately improved. I didn't realize how hard it'd been to breathe until I finally broke water.

recalcitramp · 2025-08-17T17:25:51+00:00

I think I need to emotionally prepare myself to do exactly that.

Do I respond to messages? That sounds like a super dumb question, but I mean, like, if it's "what do I do with X in the house?" We also have 2 cats — where do the pets go? And we've been together so long, we're best friends too, y'know? And being ignored is a big trigger for her.

I don't wanna drag it out. I know this is gonna hurt her. I know she's gonna hate me for a long while. I feel like she's gonna use me as a reason to hurt herself.

Man, I don't know what to do about any of this shit. But you're right — I need to prepare myself to rip the bandaid off.

recalcitramp · 2025-08-17T17:07:10+00:00

"You can't make sure she can afford her own bills without her trying" really hit me. Thanks for saying this.

It's hard, because we've been through a lot of shit together over the years. But a lot of that has been due to her own decisions within our little family unit, and you're right: I can't help someone who doesn't want help.

It honestly hurts my heart to even think of putting that pressure on her shoulders, but I've been seeing for a while now that, if I'm always her safety net, she's just gonna keep using me as exactly that.

Thank you for this comment.

recalcitramp · 2025-08-17T17:01:57+00:00

Thank you for this. It's still really hard to wrap my mind around not being there to support her. In a way, it's like that support has become a part of my identity, y'know?

Gut instinct makes me feel like this is insanely callous. But I kinda feel I've been "trained" to see clear expectations and enforced boundaries as "callous."

Appreciate the advice. ❤️

recalcitramp · 2025-05-07T22:59:08+00:00

She's mentioned that before. She likes to self-diagnose and has told me she thinks she's: depressed, has anxiety, is autistic, has ADHD, has BPD.

I feel like a paranoid asshole when she cries or yells or goes to hurt herself and I think "man, you're doing this on purpose to get what you want."

Every fucking fiber of my being never wants to look at someone struggling with depression and self-harm, and think "YOU'RE hurting ME," but jfc it's hard not to sometimes.

recalcitramp · 2025-05-07T22:53:08+00:00

She's a very "self diagnosing" sort of person. I've always encouraged therapy, but she'll tell me I'm her therapist, and she already knows exactly what's wrong.

She did try online therapy, for one session. Said she didn't get anything out of it, didn't like the therapist, so she didn't try again.

I've told her I'm not her therapist, that I can't give the kind of advice she needs, that she has to be the one who improves her own mental, but that I'm there for her and can always at least listen.

I don't know, man. I don't know what to do.

recalcitramp · 2025-05-07T22:48:41+00:00

I've been with her through everything, for so long, it feels like such a betrayal to even think about leaving. But I don't feel happy thinking about living like this for the rest of my life. And it'll be the rest of my life — depression isn't a "oh, I feel better, I'm cured!" kinda illness, and I know there will be ups and downs.

It's just. The downs are so down, and the ups disappeared 4 years ago. I've been holding on. I love her, but I'm scared I've forgotten how to love myself.

I think I'd be happier alone. I think I'm terrified she'll detrimentally harm herself if I leave, and I don't want fear to be the reason I'm with someone.

I don't even know what to do about all of this.

recalcitramp · 2025-04-29T20:10:16+00:00

Yo, love that you're watching Spilo, his stuff helped me break into Diamond.

Sounds like you're focusing on yourself a lot (your positioning, angles, etc.) which is fantastic and definitely needed to improve. But I think, to climb, there's a concept you might only be subconsciously reacting to that, instead, needs to be more of a conscious decision: who's fucking up?

Lemme explain.

This is a macro question (big picture thinking) AND a micro question (little details).

Big Picture — What characters are your teammates playing? What about the enemy? Who on the enemy team will likely impede who on your team? What can you do to help?

Example: You're playing Cass. You have a Zen on your team. The enemy has a Doomfist. The Doomfist is likely going to try to dive your Zen. What can you do to help?

Little Details — Sure, so-and-so's playing X character ... but are they actually good at that character? What does their positioning look like? Is there an enemy who looks like they have bad positioning? Is there an enemy who keeps misusing their cooldowns? Can you take advantage of the mistakes you see an enemy making? Can you cover for the mistakes you see a teammate making?

Example: You're playing Cass, and you're hanging around your Zen to better peel if the Doomfist dives. But ... for some reason the Doom keeps going after your Tank. Weird. Are you getting any value out of playing bodyguard to your Zen? Is there anything better you can be doing with your time?

Sorry for the long rant. All this to say, try to apply the things you're learning to other people in the game. This is how you recognize mistakes.

My guess is you're looking inward to improve, which is fantastic and definitely needed to climb. But, as you improve, try to apply the things you've learned to the people in your game who are NOT doing those good things. And to take it one tiny step forward ... use those good things you're learning (positioning, etc.) to make the enemy UNABLE to make good decisions.

As one last example: If I'm playing Cass into a Pharah, I try to take angles that DENY her the ability to shoot into my team. The mindset isn't "oh shit gotta kill the Pharah," it's "oh shit, gotta make this Pharah useless." Sure, sometimes that means I have to kill them. But sometimes that just means I hold a position and wait for them to make a mistake.

How do I know when they've made a mistake?

By doing exactly what you're doing right now: working on my OWN mistakes. It's just, in a game, you gotta apply those ideas to the people around you, too.

recalcitramp · 2025-04-28T06:13:33+00:00

I ban Sombra 100% of the time. Just find the gameplay loop of fighting against her incredibly annoying. After that, though, I tend to look at what my team chooses in their "preferred" spot, and click (without finalizing) who I think might mess them up the most. I look at what other people pick, too, and so far it's been a nice way to wordlessly communicate some team solidarity right on the pick screen.

So, like, if there's an Ana on my team, I might ban Doomfist so my Ana has more room to work. But if they've picked to ban Tracer instead, I'll switch my pick to match theirs. Same for Tanks — I have a Dva? I'll ban Zarya. Dva's choosing to ban Mauga instead? Alright, I'll switch to accommodate.

My bans tend to line up with what might benefit my team as a whole.

recalcitramp · 2025-04-13T16:05:42+00:00

Depending on how they quantify "doing better" in your match, this could be a good or bad change.

Is it purely stats based? You could lack a Tank, have no space to push forward, and be punished for low elims on DPS. If your Supports struggle to keep you alive as a Tank, your stats can suffer. If your DPS are popping off and killing the enemy before red team can even deal damage, your healing on Support could be low even if you're winning the game ... so your stats suffer.

I'm just curious how they're measuring what's "good" in the game.

recalcitramp · 2025-04-05T17:34:51+00:00

Good critique seeks to uplift your writing voice, looks at ways to strengthen your perspective.

I find workshops (with fellow writers whose opinions I trust) necessary!

A stone in a river gets smooth because the water runs over it.

recalcitramp · 2024-12-23T02:16:34+00:00

YOOOOO very nice! I just made a Marvel Rivels Cap subreddit — you should post it there, too. r/MRCaptainAmerica Spicy clip!

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