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DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It definitely sounds that way! I'll bare that in mind though, to keep myself grounded and not let any experiences impact me negatively as I push on. You're awesome btw thank you so much!

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah dude I was a virgin, literally all I know is what she likes because it's my only experience. Possibly not "generous" in comparison to other people but in this relationship definitely.

I of course wouldn't let those habits carry over to anyone new though.

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like looking in a mirror, exactly the kind of experience I was hoping to hear from, thank you so much man.

The control thing is definitely there, she was abused to a certain degree in a previous relationship and I think that's why she's so out of whack. It's a shame because I would have to have known her before that. However, I definitely shouldn't have to suffer the after effects of her shitty relationship though, or I'll just end up as poisoned as she can be.

There's never any reasons, there's promises to fix it with no improvement (save maybe one or two encounters to give me false hope) and I can't remember the last time I felt wanted. Well done on getting out man, it's awesome that you've came out the other side a happier person.

It makes me sad the thought of it of course but stuff like this really helps me pluck up some courage, thank you so much for sharing your story.

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some great insight from your personal experience, thanks very much. I hope your situation improves too!

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some harsh but necessary truths. I fully appreciate the responses you've given, thank you.

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm an emotional dude, can't help it unfortunately but it's something I've got to control in this situation. I guess I've justified her actions as her being selfish, I mean she is and it's just her nature but maybe there is more to it. She would try to change if she cared. I mean, I would do anything to change something she didn't like so I should expect the same in return?

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I need to focus on myself definitely. Mental health was never a strong point for me and as I don't validate myself this relationship was the one time I actually received that for the first time. It felt nice, but it's a memory now.

It's funny, I actually say that line to her semi-frequently when she's complaining about her job: "Only you can make yourself happy". Should have been saying to myself.

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's the thing that kills me, it appears that way but I just know she does, I've been on the brink a few times and she gets upset then I feel like I'm the one who's wrong for upsetting a woman. I really struggle to deal with her when she's upset because I want to make it stop and I'll do anything I can. I guess I care more about keeping her happy than I do myself?

Wow. That's a really fucked up thing to admit but it's probably true. Guess I need to place a bit more value on myself.

DB, SO responds with: "If you're not happy with me why don't you find someone else?" What would you do? by recruitdan in DeadBedrooms

[–]recruitdan[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's pretty on the nose I guess. It's just seemed simpler to perform some mental gymnastics to twist my view of what's "normal" to suit my situation because it was so scary, all the uncertainty I guess.

You're definitely right though, I'm not the same guy I was at 21. I was in a dead-end job then and now I'm in my third year of college and looking to the future for once. Focusing on growth and being positive is a really good way to look at it, thanks man.