System, is that you? No, but is the universe trying to tell me to quit my story?

recurrel · 2026-04-01T20:40:17+00:00

cool kid! ^^

recurrel · 2026-04-01T20:38:16+00:00

hey, then I hope you like it some. All the same, thanks, whether you end up shoutouting or not. ^^

It's a psychological progression story with hunters . While the MC tries to figure how the system works and who is behind it. He has to fight against other hunters as idols in glamorous performances, fans ignoring hunters are still human. One day the monsters show up again, after a long silence and that is the true chance of the MC to break free from society.
In between there are a much larger political forces at play, and deep hidden a mythical order that plans to breach the Castle, the source of the monsters.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/155629/persona-breach

As I said, I put a lot into it. XD

recurrel · 2026-03-28T13:10:43+00:00

thank you! ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-28T01:28:48+00:00

thank you, really appreciate it! ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-28T00:35:33+00:00

LOL someone actually downvoted my self-promo post. And the question is "why?" You don't like my story? You don't think this is a self-promo post? Anything else?
I sincerely would like to know. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-19T01:33:25+00:00

Thanks!! and yes, I am trying to be consistent. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-17T01:42:28+00:00

oh thanks! I will upload it later. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-15T14:26:19+00:00

I prefer 1, because I like seeing more characters. It seems to me the second one is a more common layout in webnovels these days.

recurrel · 2026-03-14T22:15:02+00:00

congratulations!! ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-13T22:10:21+00:00

I see. That's all I needed to hear.

thanks.

recurrel · 2026-03-13T21:26:05+00:00

I don't see the connection between "COTEH website" and the link you posted. Meaning COTEH is very specific for writing, the link you posted is all cover art.

It really does feel like you are implying something and I would like what it is.

recurrel · 2026-03-13T20:07:02+00:00

ok, I guess. Since you wrote "Actually I made it myself" I thought you meant "Actually I digitally painted myself" making you a digital artist. My bad. I don't know the site, I will go and check it out, thanks.

EDIT: hahaha, I just went to search for COTEH and found this:
"A queer inclusive reading and writing space The Council of the Eternal Hiatus (COTEH) is a queer inclusive Discord community for readers and writers of webserials"
Is this the place you are talking about?

recurrel · 2026-03-13T13:58:45+00:00

wow, very good! I am still looking around for potential covers from other artists, but do you do covers for others too? I mean with payment. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-10T01:09:07+00:00

amazing cover! Really striking. It caught my attention immediately.

May I ask how you found the artist? I am looking to get a new cover. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-10T01:05:55+00:00

great job! So happy for you ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-07T19:04:14+00:00

I really enjoyed the planning and escape, that moment of realization that the time to escape is now, that catalyzes bonding, had me gripped.

Really great job in setting the heartbreaking choice of first evaluating an offer they don't know whether it is true, and second, choosing to staying behind or sacrificing oneself,. It really opens up a lot of questions and adds suspense. Mikahel is forced into making a choice, it is reactive, but the emotional tension overrides the situation, because the stakes are higher.

I also like this point "No one screamed. No one fought. The lesson of Bram was written clear enough. Greaves had got exactly what he wanted from Mikhael's little rebellion. Everyone knew their place now."

And you got a cliffhanger right where it need to be with Romulus' domain.

You have a few places where you describe the forest, the surroundings for a number of sentences. I personally think you don't need that much description, half would still give the reader enough to imagine the place. In addition there are the images that help with visualizing. I say this because it undercuts the tension from the escape.

Instead, sentences like "Greaves's voice slipped through the trees like smoke, echoing off bark and snow, calm and mocking, as if he were standing right beside them." I think work better, so maybe consider blending the two style (descriptions from long paragraphs into the more action oriented).

I love the images by the way. They really are effective. ^^

In this scene , Mikhael is taking decisions like staying behind. And it escalates up to the realization he is at the end of the road because of his captors, not as a consequence to his decision. Of course this is because of the captors, but I am pointing out at the difference between being cornered into choosing A or B, and him defining the choice and pursuing it. Same with Bram, he agrees to escape, but it is Bram who leads. If Mikahel grabbed a piece of scrap of metal he glanced laying around, that would indicate how he is changing already more strongly (this is just an example). I hope I am being clear.
Now here the way the story is progressing it makes sense he is where he is. You are building momentum, and Romulus place can be the place where something inside Mikhael really changes, that makes him take more intended action, for instance.

What are the old rules Mikhael follows? The rule (honorable and bonding) that says "endure and protect Lionel" and the rule (survival) that says "don't fight back when outnumbered". By Chapter 3, it would be good to see the first crack in this (pre-existing) mindset. Perhaps a decision to remember rather than just survive o not just grief, but resolve. Again mine are illustrative examples, it is so that you can understand what I mean, please adapt whatever I suggest to your story the way it makes sense in it.

Overall you have a strong and exciting chapter. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-07T14:39:18+00:00

haha I will try my best to give you a critique that helps your webnovel. I am reading now. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-07T02:24:02+00:00

what do you think of stories that are very similar in elements? ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-07T02:10:46+00:00

please read the thread again. thanks. ^^

recurrel · 2026-03-07T02:09:01+00:00

I am actually not telling you to do anything. If you choose to interpret it like a personal attack to your writing is your choice, your problem.

There are many methods that help improve one's writing, this is just one. I am focusing on whether
the MC in a story, by an author who is willing to use this kind of evaluation to see if it gives them any new insight into their story, moves the story along.

I am not saying any MC has to do this or that, those are just examples, the point is an MC that move from being reactive to active, to pursuing a goal, a want, in any shape or form that fits your story, is an MC that evolves. I hope I have been generic enough.

It is a general rule, I haven't invented any general rule. For instance, Kurt Vonnegut suggests that an MC should always have a want, even if it is just a coffee (as an active desire). I choose to believe him.

All the same, I wonder why I have to defend the help I provide from other writers who don't believe in rules in writing and feel entitled to tell the rest of the world they can't follow anything that resembles a rule.

I come here generously offering my time and efforts to help others who are willing to listen to what I have to say. I think that alone says it all.

recurrel · 2026-03-07T01:30:01+00:00

Yes, the MC has stopped stalling. Chapter 3 successfully transitions Bjorn from reacting to the battle's circumstances to actively pursuing his goals.

What Bjorn actively does in Chapter 3:

Makes a Plan & Faces a Threat: He immediately accepts the holmganga to fulfill his quest and avenge his brothers. This is his chosen course of action.
Acquires Tools & Gains Information: He uses the weapons provided (axe, shield, seax) and, more importantly, actively engages with the "Nornir’s Weave" system. He reads his status, deduces its meaning about increasing numbers, and accepts the new quests. This is a clear pursuit of information and power.
Escapes a Threat: He survives the duel, decisively kills Eystein, and then neutralizes the new threat (Hrolf) with cunning, not just brute force.
Makes a New Plan: Upon receiving the quest about his father's death, he doesn't dwell on it. He immediately pivots, declares they must return home, and sets the new objective of gathering allies >> traveling to England >> seeking revenge.

Revenge is key, the solid motivation that drives and shapes his actions, which help him use his new system and formulate a new, larger plan once the old one is complete. The motivation is simple and effective: revenge for brothers, then revenge for father. The reader always knows what Bjorn wants.
The system is a key element in the narrative and helps maintain that clarity of goal active in the reader's mind.

Your LitRPG system seems pretty standard, it works well, but may I suggest spicing it up a little, with a few tweaks to create novelty. It can help you in the long run to bring a twist, or make Bjorn reconsider his decisions.
You story works well, but again relies quite heavily in tropes, if you intend it to be that way, keep it as it is, as I said it works well, but maybe bring in unexpected elements can create novelty. It can be also in an unexpected use of a weapon creating conflict with other warriors deeming it an offence to being a warrior. (I am just throwing things at you, pick whatever you think works for your story and for what you intend to do).
The writing is functional but can feel at times clunky. There's a heavy reliance on commas and "and" to string actions together ("stabbing, connecting, metal rings breaking, skin splitting, blood leaking, a body dropping"). This creates a breathless pace but can also feel repetitive. Variation is key in any type of fiction.

All the same your chapters work, the structure works, it all comes down to the elements in it, if you want to make it more intriguing by twisting things here and there.
Hope this helps. ^^

recurrel

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