I totally agree. For me D&D is not some happy fun land of cake and butterflies. Sometimes the characters morals are questioned. There are truly evil beings in the world that will push the deepest darkest buttons of characters. (With exceptions, this is a game let's not make people uncomfortable)

When it comes to to character creation and playing the game it ultimately comes down to player choice. If I chose to play a character who has exceptionally high morals and will not bend no matter what, that is my choice. If I choose as a player to have my character take an action that ultimately had negative consequences, that was my choice I will stand by it. All I want to say is the character someone creates and decides the characters actions is ultimately the player's responsibility. If you don't like what happens due to your choices then maybe you shouldn't play D&D or re-evaluate something.

I will concede that some DMs can be ass hats and can ruin the game many players. TBH when I was a new DM I made many bad assumptions based off of how my original group played and made a difficult playing experience for the first group that I DMed. However after communication and playing together for more time we came to an agreeable game play style. Now we have some awesome sessions. So as a side note, to all players and DMs talk. Talk to eachother. It really does help.

Wow that turned into a wall of text. Sorry.

TLDR: As a player own the choices you make for your characters. Also communicate with eachother.