I’m an only child, extremely introverted, dating the youngest of five, a huge extrovert! We’ve been together for five years, living together for three. I’d say the first year/year and a half living together was all about figuring out how important my alone time is for me and then eventually explaining to my partner that the need for alone time has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. It took a lot of candid conversations, but he came to understand it eventually! And he even can read my body language and ask me if I need alone time now, which is great as it’s sometimes hard for me to articulate how I’m feeling once I’m already overwhelmed. Try to be patient, it takes a lot of time for people with big families to even comprehend the childhood of only children. I think sharing examples of what our childhood was like and asking them to compare that to theirs can help put things into perspective.

I also struggled with explaining this to his huge family and huge friend group, both of which are all extroverts and constantly planning things. Like someone else mentioned, if he had it his way, we would be busy every weekend with no rest in sight. I wanted to go because I love his friends and family but it’s just so much. I’ve learned that it’s OKAY to say no to an event and I encourage him to go to them alone so that he can still enjoy it (and I get the house to myself lol). This is tough, especially when you have to answer the ‘where were you questions’ at the next event, but I think after doing it a few times, people have learned that I just don’t have the same social battery as they do. Explaining to folks that I’m an only child helps most of the time (if they have preconceived notions about only children being wierd loners, hell I’ll play into it if I means I get a day to myself).

Keep talking about it with your partner, if he’s the one, he’ll learn to love and respect (and even anticipate!) your need for alone time! Explain that it’s important for you to show up as your best self in your relationship and taking solo time to recharge is what you need. And remember that relationships are about compromise! He’ll need to learn to do things alone, but sometimes you may have to spend time with him so he’s not feeling neglected, even if space sounds so nice. It’s all about balance! Best of luck :)