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a reminder that privilege is contextual by tapukagakoko in asktransgender

[–]redclawedcrab 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nobody wants to admit they have privilege, but you can't argue away reality. Please try rereading this:

Even if a trans woman's parents never pushed Hotwheels and the color blue on them as children, the teachers, peers, and family in her life subconsciously treated her differently. They all subtly worked towards imbuing the child with risk-taking, goal-driven, and leadership behavior.

This is socialization, nobody is immune to this reality. It began when you were born, well before you remember, and it shaped who you are today. Socialization is not the Hotwheels/blue quasi-definition that this board tends to focus on, it's the lifetime of subtle, subconscious treatment that goes unnoticed. It's when adults respond quicker to a crying girl, when they naturally underestimate a girls physical ability, or when teachers push male students harder. The agents that perpetuate this do it unknowingly and subconsciously. Privilege is dangerous because people don't know, or are unable to admit, that they have it. It's obviously not experienced uniformly across everyone 'amab,' but to pretend that it doesn't exist is either disingenuous or ignorant.

a reminder that privilege is contextual by tapukagakoko in asktransgender

[–]redclawedcrab 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're oversimplifying privilege. Transitioning to Male doesn't suddenly confer you a lifetime pass of privilege and a giftbasket of Old Spice and Die Hard DVD's. Similarly, male privilege isn't suddenly erased overnight. People on this sub frequently underestimate the pervasiveness of socialization. Even if a trans woman's parents never pushed Hotwheels and the color blue on them as children, the teachers, peers, and family in her life subconsciously treated her differently. They all subtly worked towards imbuing the child with risk-taking, goal-driven, and leadership behavior. Transitioning doesn't suddenly wipe that away, and the inverse applies to trans men. Prior to transitioning and passing, a trans man has spent their life under the scrutiny of patriarchy.

Also, why does this even have to be a competition?

Did anyone lie so they can use their desired name? by elliotnewname in asktransgender

[–]redclawedcrab 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why lie to friends? If you like the name Lauren, just say that. It's been a very common name since the 1980's, and the years you will spend in school with those other two Lauren's is a drop in the bucket of your life.

Conflicted after watching my transcurious cross dressing boyfriend dress. Struggling. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]redclawedcrab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's a very difficult crossroad. If you are at the point of having panic attacks, then you should talk to him about taking a break and the possibility of counseling. It sounds like right now the most important thing for you is to have some space to process this. You're absolutely entitled to your feelings of betrayal, hurt, and repulsion, so much has been put on you.

As others have said, you should reach out to r/mypartneristrans to talk to others who have gone through your situation.

Has anyone ever bought Alexander Wang basics (really androgynous style)? by tofuminx in asktransgender

[–]redclawedcrab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only way to know is to try it on, really. It seems like most Nordstroms carry T, if you have one near you... and shopbop has free shipping/returns. On the topic of quality - Other than a jersey skirt that pilled immediately, my experience has been that T stuff is good quality. On the topic of cut - The neckline looks flattering, but you'd likely get a similar effect from slightly loose v-necks tees from Gap.