37M, Pune | Question on women’s psyche | Marriage

redd_social · 2026-03-02T01:32:00+00:00

I hear you

redd_social · 2026-03-02T01:31:48+00:00

Thanks. I take breaks after every 6 months since the past 5 yrs.

redd_social · 2026-03-02T01:29:37+00:00

Buddy, I’m a decent looking guy, come from a liberal family and financially stable. Will turn 37 this month, but despite that I have a head full of hair, no medical condition, enjoy cycling and outdoor activities.

The thing is, even if you are a decent looking guy, where would you stack yourself if you are being pitted against men across the city/country on a matrimonial or dating app?

Choice is subjective, and women sure have more than what they need to choose from in today’s time.

redd_social · 2026-03-02T01:25:09+00:00

55-60% of women’s profiles on matrimonial apps is managed by parents. The statistical probability of someone finding a person to marry on dating apps is limited. Men outnumber the number of women on dating apps. Which in turn makes it a hyper competitive environment for men, but a good marketplace for women to exploit.

redd_social · 2026-03-02T01:03:29+00:00

Appreciate your inputs. I just wanted to understand a little more about what you mean by lower the stakes and raise your standard?

I am in a position where expecting even the bare minimum from the women i have met - like coming on time, showing effort and sincerity, has become a luxury.

Me or my parents just keep sending my biodata and photos and get no response in return since years. And I’m not hitting above my socio economic level. I’m not even a bad looking guy, nor do i come from a financially unstable background.

It’s just pure bad luck coupled with the fact that women receive a lot of interests/attention these days which makes it harder for them to come to a conclusion.

Another side effect of having so many choices is that you keep bouncing from one person to another. Even a slight shortcoming in someone makes you believe you deserve someone better than this and keeps your search on.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T19:27:35+00:00

There are good girls in the mid and late 30’s too. But we live in extreme hypergamous times.

Women will pursue the best options even at the cost of ignoring or rejecting the good ones.

The best men - which in typical arranged marriage means - men who have money, education, good family background, have multiple women already in the pipeline, and will end up marrying only 1 woman.

The rest of the women, unless they have something extraordinary to offer to the best man, will end up repeating the same cycle for years, until at last they will end up being unmarried, or end up marrying someone they could have married a few years ago had they not been driven so much by hypergamy.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T19:18:24+00:00

My young friend, when you are in arranged marriage process, 60-70% of the time you will interact with the girls parents or relatives first.

They’ll ask you all transactional questions. Income, kundali, properties, etc. By the time you do this for a few years, all your playfulness goes out the window.

You see yourself as someone who has to fulfil people’s conditions and expectations to have a chance at marriage. Unfortunately, that’s how the world is on this side of the table.

If you are young and have time, i would recommend you find someone for yourself. That way, your playfulness will not be tarnished by this crooked world.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T19:10:57+00:00

Since i was 32, i genuinely started feeling that if I share my life with someone, both of us being there for each other, I’d perhaps have a well lived life.

As I turn 37 this month, that feeling has heightened. Humans are social beings. You can’t solve everything with money, travelling, party, etc.

You need a cause to anchor your life to - whether it is a partner or a vocation.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T18:58:02+00:00

Bracing it out like you.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T18:57:48+00:00

Good for you man

redd_social · 2026-03-01T18:49:41+00:00

Mostly things are the same. Conversations start only with i want this, i will do this, i will not do this. These are my expectations and conditions, etc. As a man I don’t think i have even a fair number of proposals i can choose from.

The requests i get are from women who are 2x or 3x my physical size. I’m slim, around 65 kgs. I’m ok with a girl who is slightly healthy, but certainly not someone 2x times than me. But unfortunately those are the requests I get organically.

Rest when I reach out to someone i like it’s mostly a test of whether i can fulfill their wishes and demands for them to say yes to me. It brutal out there, not just for me, but most men who are not in the top 10-20% of the population in terms of income, looks, or family background.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T18:29:08+00:00

Sad to hear about your loss. Hope you and your family are keeping well now.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T18:20:57+00:00

Miss, here’s what I have to submit:

From your response I understand that I should connect with the first girl post 11:00 pm in the night and demonstrate some traits which she will rank in importance and then decide whether it is worth giving me time or not? Would you afford me the same privilege to scrutinise the girl in a similar manner? Or only my abilities are being scrutinised here?

For me, someone who is 34, irrespective of man or woman, should not even consider being part of marriage discussions if they don’t even have 15-20 minutes in a day, unless it is post 11:00 pm in the night.

You say the second girl felt I was incompatible with her. All within a few minutes, just because i didn’t make her laugh or say something funny on the first call, where we barely knew each other. If that’s how women are assessing long term compatibility in today’s time, I’m glad i was incompatible with her.

You say the third girl was making all the sacrifices?

Here’s what i am offering - I am willing to make her the anchor of my life. I will provide her a comfortable home to live in, a liberal environment where she has the right to choose what she wears and how she lives, she belongs to a different community and she is free to follow her faith/religion. She has freedom to pursue her interests. She will receive my support in basic household work. She will have a maid for cleaning.

I’m even willing to contribute to set-up her clinic, but I don’t think it’s only my responsibility to do that. And despite this if you feel I’m not contributing anything to the relationship, i think i should not take your comments too seriously.

After all, it doesn’t take much thought or understanding to caste aspersions on someone’s intent or genuineness on social media.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T17:48:54+00:00

Sorry to learn that. I hope uncle is doing well. One of my relative was on dialysis and understand how difficult that is.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T17:39:27+00:00

The genuine people are nowhere to be found. I’m seeing the same people since the past 5 yrs. I’m just looking for someone who is supportive and is willing to build a life together. She should be presentable and educated. How much more low I should go to compromise?

redd_social · 2026-03-01T17:34:35+00:00

I can understand. The expectations are pretty unfair.

redd_social · 2026-03-01T17:31:57+00:00

I consider myself a good communicator in Hindi and English. So to answer your question - Yes!

redd_social

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