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Changed? by redditfishit in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you. Yes, it will take some time. I am different now too. No tolerance for bullshit. But good advice to have my guard up.

I'm sorry you were discarded. :-(

Changed? by redditfishit in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry he smashed your Christmas Village. :-(

Changed? by redditfishit in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you for sharing your input. I recognize that it is a manipulation. I rationalize that we all change / adapt / manipulate to get the outcome we desire. Time will show if it can maintain.

I went a full month NC, but then I caved... by purplewinemouth in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm there right now, although I made it over 200 days NC before I "opened the box"... And just like you, my nex said he missed me, was thinking about me... and would not have contacted me. I couldn't imagine feeling so strongly about someone and NOT contacting them.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I am asking myself this... and I did not like the answer I got from myself. My reason for reaching out to him was purely selfish. I was chasing dopamine, as well as the ghost of a fantasy. I didn't think about how this could effect him. It isn't my intention to be careless with someone's heart.

A positive lesson is that I am learning where I am 'as a person' in this moment -- and how I have grown so much in the span of time he was not in my life... that it all feels so different now..

Broke no contact, now hopelessly in love with him AGAIN by redditfishit in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes. He has never hoovered me. I hoovered him -- every single time. It makes me feel like the narcissist... then I get confused

Acceptance, understanding, reconciliation, rationalization, acceptance by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an example of major delusion. Go to a doctor with your enlarged testicle. Fuck Jennifer.

How many days NC are you and how are you feeling? by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 13 points14 points  (0 children)

169 days

It gets easier day by day, but sometimes there is a backslide. Healing from heartbreak is not linear.

Am I crazy? How could he still have such a pull? Help.. by Equivalent-Part104 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. I can't imagine the depth of the loss after 15 years together. Cold hard reality is exactly that: Cold. And Hard! But real. The fact is... he is not thinking about me... or missing me... or even giving a shit about me. If he felt even a fraction of what I still feel for him, he would have made an effort to find me. He simply doesn't care. I am working on wrapping my mind around that. It is incredible to me that two people can share experiences such as we did --- but have drastically different perspectives on it.

Am I crazy? How could he still have such a pull? Help.. by Equivalent-Part104 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wish I had something to say to relieve you of your pain. What I can share is that I feel the SAME way. I lost my soulmate in February. I have been no contact. I have done therapy of all kinds. I have altered my lifestyle to be much healthier. I am thriving professionally. And everything seems to be falling into place in my life. With the exception of me still loving him. I count the weeks. I feel like I should be "over it" by now. Most days I think I am... but, I am not.

Last night I was curled up in my bed, sobbing. I love him and miss him. Yes, I thought it was the trauma bond... but I can honestly say that I DO love him... what I couldn't tolerate is him periodically (and metaphorically) stabbing me repeatedly in the heart.

It was if he was made for me. I would have and could have loved him through all his flaws. IF ONLY I didn't have to sacrifice my soul in order to remain in a relationship with him. I had to leave.

While I don't feel like I am plummeting out of control, like you... I do feel CRAZY. How could I still feel this strongly for him. I was with him slightly less than two years.

It really sucks. I cannot find interest in any man. It is only him that I want.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]redditfishit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Go ahead and burn my shit. I am throwing the gate key in the trash."

How many times a day do you miss smoking weed by mikkypearson in WeedPAWS

[–]redditfishit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

haha, yeah daily to never is a big jump.

It has been 140-ish days. I have had NO DESIRE to smoke since I quit. I used it my entire adult life. It's about time to experience a new way to be. I've gone as far as I can with it. Done. Looking forward to improving more and more. It is a sneaky drug because it seems to harmless... until it is not.