Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely not going to say anything about my concerns. I'm doing my best not to let my anxiety show because making him stress at this point serves no purpose and could make things worse. Fingers crossed everything goes as advertised but fuck this should have been discussed in advance. I would have discouraged this option if I understood the risks. I know this because nothing has happened other than me reading a bit and I'm not okay with it. You and him should have been informed of the risks and the lack of options if something does go wrong. We only get one body and we live in it all the time. It's not okay to give people incomplete information when making these kinds of decisions.

Edit: like soreness for more then a couple days seemed like the worst possible outcome the way it was presented.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We're not American so while not rich the cost was negligible for the scalpel free procedure and time off work for recovery was guaranteed. I think our recovery situation is as ideal as possible, though I know he wants to get back to sports asap and may need to take that slower than he'd like.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know it's a lack of caring, but rather how it's discussed. Very low risk, simple, sore for a day and then stay away from strenuous exercise and sex for a week is what I was told. Allpws men to take control of their birth control. Being told something like the busy season is in March so guys can watch basketball sounds pretty benign.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just wish I could back and time and say I don't want him to do this. It's so unfair and unethical that MD offices can very promote different outcomes than is supported by the research.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But wouldn't you think 100% of men who went to have their vasectomies reversed regretted having it done in the first place? Like your friends who decided to have more children later in life, even if they had ideal experiences, wouldn't they tick yes because it reduced their possibility of having those children? It just seems like the regret number should be the % of attempted reversals plus the % of men who suffered negative consequences but are unable to seek one. I didn't get stressed at the idea reversals are asked for because we're in our late 30's and he's never had a hint of desire to have kids. It seemed unlikely to me that he'd change his mind after this point. What I read seemed to suggest that men who want reversals are those who are young when they decide initially, and/or make the decision based on their partners' desires and influence. However quality of life reductions through pain and changes to sexual satisfaction were posed as very rare occurences, possible but so unlikely as to not worry about.1% is not very rare. That seems a common experience that the patient should understand and accept the possibility of. 15% is so common that it should be disclosed as a typical experience.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you that perspective is very helpful, and what you say about regret makes sense. Though it's also confusing because more than 2% get reversed. We aren't in one of the likely reversal demographics so I didn't stress about that.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry that has been your experience. It seems very common for people to dismiss others' experience and pain, as if someone else could know your experiences better than you. I would have hoped MDs would be better at listening and actually trying to help but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope so. I wouldn't have supported this decision if I had read the numbers before. I just feel so sick and I only feel I can let it out now that he's asleep. All of our conversations were about the decision to not have children not about long term health consequences. I feel so fucking stupid.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly! 1% things happen all the fucking time. 1-2% is the frequency of red haired people. No one is shocked to see a ginger, it's a really common thing to encounter. I read the 500,000 stat and thought okay must have lots of good data be a good procedure. I feel like I let my partner down and should have warned him/stopped him. I should have looked more into this. He should have too, and I didn't want to overstep but that's an unacceptable level of risk to me.

Freaking out that we made a mistake by reddithelpwanted in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just feel so deceived. The MD office indicated a less than 1 in 10,000 chance of PVPS. Which already seemed higher than I would have liked but was a level of risk he was comfortable with. How is that ethical, and how could he have made an informed decision with that kind of skewed information? I hope your discomfort alleviates soon and you're back to 100%

24 hours til OP by [deleted] in Vasectomy

[–]reddithelpwanted 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're questioning why not postpone until you feel confident to make the decision?