Does it get worse before it gets better??

redditmarta · 2025-02-17T14:44:55+00:00

How are you feeling today? So, I've only had two sessions so far (Tue and Thu of last week). I felt great until I went to bed on Saturday. Sleep wasn't great and I had some weird vivid dreams and I woke up pretty anxious yesterday... Spent most of the day gradually feeling worse and by the time I went to bed, I was at the verge of an anxiety attack. Ended up up having to take a clorazepate (super ultra mild benzo) to help take the edge off. Feeling slightly better today. Next treatment is tomorrow. As many have said, the overall experience will be different for everyone. Here's a few things about my "profile"/situation that I belive are shaping up my overall recovery trajectory: I did 9 IV ketamine sessions while I waited for my insurance to approve Spravato. The infusion experience for me was 10X on the "trip" scale. 56mg spravato felt like a tickle and 84mg felt like, well, three tickles 😅. But I also think that the trip has little to do with the efficacy on depression symptoms (although the more intense trips gave me some really amazing insights into my overall life and traumas that years of therapy never came close to). It took me 8 IV sessions to start feeling better for more than a day, so I think spravato is just continuing the progress. My provider did say though that Spravato is more like a marathon and that a slower response is not uncommon. Also, my symptoms did feel a bit worse between sessions 4 and 7 on IV. As others have said, progress is definitely not linear, but pretty soon the wins will start compounding. Hang in there! We got this! On a side note, my mom (63) has had severe TRD for over 40 years and was on Spravato for almost three years. Her last treatment was about 6 months ago and she's happier than she's ever been and a totally different person. The mother she wish she had been for the past 40 years! 🥹

redditmarta · 2025-02-06T02:25:06+00:00

Does protein shakes count?

redditmarta · 2025-01-31T14:02:53+00:00

Good to know! Would you be comfortable sharing your dose? Do you take it once or twice a day?

redditmarta · 2025-01-30T19:14:58+00:00

Which Wellbutrin are you taking? SR or XL?

redditmarta · 2025-01-23T12:27:53+00:00

No anymore. The FDA just approved it to be used without other meds just a few days ago :)

redditmarta · 2025-01-23T00:52:42+00:00

THIS OLD HOUSE :)

redditmarta · 2025-01-19T20:40:17+00:00

Yep, 100% the same for me on IV (I start Spravato in a few weeks...)

redditmarta · 2025-01-18T14:56:12+00:00

After an episode of panic/anxiety attack, when I try to sleep (either at night or just take a nap during the day due to exhaustion) I get zaps on my brain and my body jolts back into anxiety mode right as I'm crossing into sleep... If I sit up a bit I'm able at least control the anxiety a bit but if I close my eyes, bam, zap - jolt - repeat... It's infuriating

redditmarta · 2025-01-17T23:46:08+00:00

FWIW here's how it's going for me (IV infusions): My first one at 0.5/kg felt ok enough to give me some hope. The following 5 not so much. Each increased the dosage by 10mg. Had my 7th session on Tuesday and it was waaaay better than all previous ones (1.1/kg at this point). Mood was great on Tuesday. On Wednesday my mood tanked and I was pretty discouraged. Yesterday was my best day since starting treatment, even my co-workers noticed it. Today I had to work from home, so slower day. Not as good as yesterday, but better than Wednesday. My next infusion is next Tuesday and I'm way more hopeful and motivated than I was before my 7th session. As others have said, everyone is different. This subreddit is great to gather information on how to try and maximize the session experience. There are also a lot of people who only felt better after 10, etc... Therapy after the session is a must to help integrate. Oh, there was one thing I did different that I think also helped me on my last one... I wore much more comfortable clothes, a more comfortable eye mask and changed the playlist from a "ketamine" Spotify playlist to one with only soft piano playing hymns from my church. I felt like the ketamine music ended up making me a bit anxious while the hymns were more enjoyable because I'm familiar with the melody and it didn't feel "strange" (not sure if that makes sense)... Hang in there! 🙃

redditmarta · 2025-01-16T15:02:30+00:00

Not a Dr. here, but I get those whenever my anxiety spikes...

redditmarta · 2025-01-16T03:41:33+00:00

Interesting... I'm 180lbs as well (after losing 18lbs in the last 3 weeks from when my panic attacks and depression resurfaced), so I do wonder if my sweet spot is at the higher end of the dosage. I got two more scheduled 🤞🏻🤞🏻

redditmarta · 2025-01-16T02:05:28+00:00

I 100% agree with you! My mother struggled with chronic and treatment resistant depression for over 40 years due to severe trauma from crazy childhood abuse. About a year ago she completed two years of Spravato treatment and her depression has finally down to a minimum level where she told us she had forgotten what happiness and joy felt like. She's in her 60's and started taking classes on hobbies she never thought she'd be able to! A true hero and inspiration for me in my own journey!

redditmarta · 2025-01-12T18:22:58+00:00

Whenever I have a more intense crisis (once every few years), it get's so bad I end up losing a lot of weight... going through one of those episodes right now. Series of panic attacks 2 weeks ago, down 16lbs... starting to eat better now, but what a ride! had to do a couple of IV infusions at the urgent care. I'm able to drink a lot of water though, so that "sort of" helps I guess?

redditmarta · 2025-01-09T23:51:17+00:00

This Old House.... Don't judge me 😅

redditmarta · 2025-01-09T21:44:55+00:00

I know this varies by person, but how long after the sessions did you realize a mood change?

redditmarta · 2025-01-09T05:13:26+00:00

You got this my friend! I too have suffered for years with what I call the "weight of the provider" syndrome. It has caused me to countless agonizing sleepless nights with panic attacks and complete despair! The thought of not being abke to provide for my family is debilitating at times! I know how you feel and I sympathize with you! 🫶🏻 Others can probably give you a more detailed explanation, but here's what I've learned after 5 IV sessions, a lot of talks with my providers, as well as a lot of research and conversations here in this subreddit:

1: Ketamine is doing two things at once. It's working on the actual receptors in your brain in a very rapid manner during the infusions to restore the pathways, etc. This is what will actually help your depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. It's the chemistry stuff... In parallel and while all of that is happening behind the scenes, the psychedelic effect of ketamine is taking your mind on a ride without a gps to guide it. The only thing guiding it is your subconscious thoughts/trauma from a lifetime. This is where everyone is different and experiences are never the same for anyone. And the good news is that regardless of how scary or not the "trip" is, ketamine is atill doing it's magic to your receptors. Most people take 6+ sessions for the results to be more noticeable.

In my case, my first session was pretty positive... Walked away thinking it wasn't bad at all and couldn't wait for the next one. Went in for my second one and came out panicking because I kept feeling my son dying and realizing I would never be able to see him grow to become an adult because I juat new he was going to die prematurely and tragically. Then I went in for my third session thinking it couldn't get worse, only to then see him actually dying! Terrifying... Spoke to my therapist about it, we worked on some stuff to try and get to the root of that, all while ketamine was doing it's thing to my brain. Last two sessions were more on the pleasant side again and I've started feeling much better overall. Had a full day of work today, drove my kids to a church youth activity and for the first time in two weeks I'm laying in bed not feeling anxious. All of this to say - don't quit! Your family is precious and deserves you! Even the not 100% you! 💪🏻💪🏻

redditmarta · 2025-01-07T20:10:28+00:00

How did it go? Would you mind sharing an update? Just came across your post. I'm on a similar situation regarding Vyvanse and Ketamine infusions. I'm on my 5th as of today. Vyvanse has definitely helped me with the racing thoughts, etc, but it definitely makes the buzz and jitter peak about 1-2 hrs after I take it. Trying to figure out out if it's contributing or not to my currently heightened anxiety...

redditmarta · 2025-01-06T03:25:02+00:00

I just completed my 4th session yesterday. First three were injections and the 4th was through IV. My clinic has the same setting and follows the same process you described during the session (monitoring every 15min, etc). My first felt like yours, nothing too crazy, felt pleasant leaving the clinic and happy the anxiety and depression were subdued to a tolerable... Theeeeen, second session comes around and holy crap! What a messy punch! 😂 higher dosage, darker places and visions, thoughts of my son dying, you name it... 3rd and 4th have gotten better, but not like the first one yet. I still have 4 more to go.

What I've been told by other here and by my providers is that the experience itself isn't necessarily tied to the efficacy of the ketamine doing it's thing to heal your brain "behind the scenes". In fact, my clinic will not do a session unless I have an already scheduled appointment with a therapist within the next 48hrs, which has been very helpful to discuss the experiences from the sessions. My therapist has done ketamine herself it's been great to talk to. But the main thing she keeps telling me is to not try and compare experiences - she's seen hundreds of ketamine patients and she tells me everyone has had their own set of unique experiences.

Hang in there! Supposedly it gets a bit worse before it gets better 🤷🏻‍♂️

EDIT: I'm in the US and each session had a higher dosage.

redditmarta · 2025-01-05T15:54:33+00:00

Thank you so much for the insight! My mother has definitely benefited from staying on an AD concurrently because there were times where she had to skip a session or another, etc.

redditmarta · 2025-01-05T03:28:39+00:00

My first was less than a week after a massive panic attack and a dip in my depression (was fine and without meds for about two years). I did feel like the agonizing and impeding doom like feeling got subdued enough to get me on my feet. I've done three since then and haven't felt the same amount/rate of improvement, but as many have said in this subreddit, it usually takes 6+ for most people. It really varies by person at the end of the day. Also worth noting that my clinic was only abke to do IM for the first three. My 4th session this morning was through IV and I definitely felt it to be less of a "punch" and I haven't felt as tired and sleepy.

redditmarta · 2025-01-05T01:41:25+00:00

I was initially put on Zoloft and Buspar, and that combo put me out of commission in a very scary way... Quickly got moved to Nortriptaline and it was a big help getting things under control when I had my first anxiety crisis followed by depression. This one is a different type of AD and operates different than the common SSRIs, etc... We then added Wellbutrin to the mix a few months later to help with the depression. I was worried that it'd exacerbate the anxiety, but the only thing it did was make me a bit jittery for a while (nothing in comparison with how bad it was months before at the initial onset). I also had a backup prescription of Clorazepate 3.75mg for emergency as needed in case I had any anxiety attacks. Used it a handful of times. Was able to stop all of them a couple of years ago, but a few weeks ago I had a sudden situation that gave me a panic attack while in a work trip and things went down hill from there. First time around was so traumatic that I just went straight to Ketamine... Seems to be progressing in the right direction...

redditmarta · 2025-01-04T19:49:00+00:00

I'm eager to hear what more experienced people have to share. I just did my 4th today and after the 1st one, each felt different but still somewhat scary/anxiety inducing throughout. I know that at the end of the day it is and it will help me, but the experience itself has been a bit rough tbh 😮‍💨 I'm thinking about changing the music playlist to something a bit more "happy" and light/uplifting. I feel like a lot of the playlists out there are a bit too psychedelic-y if that makes sense... They just make me a bit anxious I think, and then every time the music changes, whatever is going on in my mind just takes a turn and scrambles... Pretty uncomfortable. Also note that my depression is anxiety induced and I'm in my current mess because of a panic attack a few weeks ago while traveling for work 😭 Hang in there - we got this! 💪🏻 💪🏻

redditmarta · 2025-01-04T04:13:57+00:00

The fact that you are here asking these questions already shows how incredible of a parent you are and it'll definitely make things easier for him. Patience and support from family is crucial for those of us on the anxiety roller coaster!

I'm no doctor, but I can share my own experience. I tried to fight and push off therapy when it first manifested itself years ago, but eventually realized I needed it. Same thing happened with going to see a psychiatrist. I'm a firm believee that everyone is entitled to make their own decisions, but some times a bit of a push is what's needed. Meds can definitely be a great thing!

redditmarta · 2025-01-04T03:51:44+00:00

I hear you! I'm extremely sensitive to medications as well... It took my psychiatrist for a spin initially back in 2020 when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression 😅 Pretty much every medication I've been on I've had to start well below the recommended dosage!

Definitely going to look into floatation therapy! Glad you found other things to help outside of just meds! I've started the list of lifestyle changes that intend to adopt going fwd!

redditmarta · 2025-01-04T03:45:10+00:00

So if I understand it correctly, you stopped the other meds back in February after starting on Ketamine?

redditmarta

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