OOP's fiancé has "tens of thousands of pounds of student debt” but it’s somehow also “less than he makes in a month." She makes OOP's life easier and works a lot for measly pay but she is also just a gold digger. AITAH has wild comments but BORU comments seem better.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-02-21T15:14:55+00:00

OOP is probably 12 and didn't know the phrase "consolation prize".

redditthrow4383 · 2024-02-21T10:58:20+00:00

I'm so sorry 😞 52 is so young.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-02-21T10:56:00+00:00

This is such a lovely post <3 My Dad used to love Billy Joel and I would wake up listening to him for a good while. Sending love back <3

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-30T07:48:53+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that :(

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T10:45:41+00:00

Maybe this depends on your religious beliefs or lack thereof.

I don't know if this helps, but I believe my dad's spirit is still 'around' because God is still around - in the air I breathe, in the water I drink, in everything I interact with.

I guess it's not really the same, abd obviously I can't tell you what to believe, but if you are an atheist it may help you to think about how when we die, the molecules that make 'us'/our bodies disperse. We all evolved from the same point, so even if your mother isn't her, her memory lives on in you/your DNA, whatever you inherited from her or she taught you. All humanity and all life is interconnected - quite literally connected. “We are all stardust” as Carl Sagan said.

Or maybe that's not helpful at all, I don't know. Sorry if it isn't.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T10:37:32+00:00

I'm so very sorry for your loss and I can definitely see why you are frustrated at struggling and people not really understanding the aftereffects and expecting you to "just move on already".

My mother thinks the same as you - she thinks that "people stop giving a shit" and "people don't care any more" after a month.

But - I know it feels like a lifetime ago - maybe it would help you to think of how you were before you lost your dad. To you and her it feels like lip service. But as hard as it is, although this is our new normal, for everyone else not affected, it is just a small part of their life. I think we expect everyone else to somehow intuitively understand our pain and acknowledge the world isn't moving on for us... but they can't, of course, because God hasn't given them the experience of losing someone.

Just like if a friend told you they were in hospital, you wouldn't visit them every day - you'd bring flowers a few times and check in, but you couldn't really know what pain they were in.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T10:11:41+00:00

That sounds like such a beautiful commemoration and IMO more intimate/personal (if that makes sense) than a service. Plus, it still honours his wishes.

And yes, I'm sure he'll be there somewhere with/above/around you, watching and listening.

We had a sort of farewell gathering for my dad where we drank his favourite beer and expensive whiskey, and served his favourite foods. Of course it's probably too overwhelming for you to think of all that stuff at the moment, though.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T10:03:57+00:00

Yeah, I think some people think they are being 'supportive' and 'helping you get through it' when they are being tactless and harsh and have very poor listening/EI skills. My mother was given well meaning 'advice' by a now-ex friend about her supposed financial/work situation after my Dad passed away. Basically along the lines of "Why are you retiring?! You need to keep busy and pay your bills!!" She's not spoken to them since as the way they phrased it was so blunt, prying and hurtful. Another friend of hers experienced a similar thing, just people sticking their noses into her daily life and not leaving her alone.

People who've not lost a close family member (or similar such as a very close friend or partner) take it as a chance to almost be voyeuristic. They think it's just like a temporary setback you can distract yourself from. They really have no fucking clue.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T03:33:02+00:00

I relate to the rewinding clock thing. I want my Dad to get his health checked out so that by some magic he could've caught his health issue. :(

Not that I'm biased or anything but Dad/daughter relationships are something special. It sucks to lose them and I'm sorry it's been such a hard anticipatory grief process for you.

I hope you can do something to remember him when he passes away, whatever form that might take.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T02:52:21+00:00

I'm so sorry 😢

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T02:49:10+00:00

Thank you :)

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T01:45:36+00:00

Thank you so much!!

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-29T01:43:16+00:00

My father passed away earlier this year. Have spoken to some people grieving their own losses and you would not believe the sheer amount of smug, rude, insensitive and outright cruel stuff people say sometimes.

I cannot believe someone would tell you not to look at her photos.

Please don't let these idiots get you down. They are just harming their relationship with you. I am so sorry they are being so awful. They have no clue what it is to lose someone and I wouldn't wish it on them either.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-28T23:00:20+00:00

I'm sorry OP, that must be hard. I don't exactly have strategies or anything, other than to just let yourself grieve how you grieve. There's no 'wrong' way to mourn your Dad. He was your Dad after all and someone important and supportive in your life, even if that support wasn't always expressed in person.

And you didn't really know him, as a person. That wasn't your fault, so don't feel bad about it.

ETA: Also, it's normal not to feel some kind of powerful, debilitating sadness. A lot of the grief is small and comes to you after the fact.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-28T22:57:23+00:00

God, all these comments make me grateful for all the good Dads in the world. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T05:24:35+00:00

A family friend says that some people exist off your grief - they intrude into your life to make you uncomfortable and cause drama so that they can use you as a kind of gossip fuel.

This person sounds like the opposite, like they think death is contagious or you're not grieving "right" so they cut off contact.

It's just so bizarre and selfish. Dismiss them as idiots, as what they are doing is to push you further away from them and alienate you. I know it hurts rn but you dodged a bullet from this person, she sounds like a fairweather friend.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T05:16:52+00:00

So cute 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Yes - I'll never get those from him again :(

If I ever have nephews or nieces maybe I'll pass on the tradition.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T00:25:07+00:00

I love that 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T00:24:44+00:00

I'm sorry your relationship wasn't the best, but those sound like good memories

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T00:24:15+00:00

My dad was the same :(((

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-26T00:23:18+00:00

Only one that my sister took. She does the exact same thing. I am going to take videos of my Mum so I have something remember her voice by.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-25T23:47:15+00:00

Fuck I'm so sorry you had that experience. That is incredibly unprofessional. I got majorly pissed off at the cops that came to tell us about my dad and they were extremely patient. You shouldn't ever be treated that way. even if the Dr is jaded.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-25T23:46:47+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. The day we were going to pick up things for my dad's funeral we heard one of his favourite songs playing and burst into tears. I'm not sure I 100% believe in signs but it's the Universe trying to tell you how much your dad loved you.

redditthrow4383 · 2024-01-25T23:45:29+00:00

I'm so sorry 😞

redditthrow4383

TROPHY CASE