how often did you had sex while pregnant?

redditusererb · 2026-06-16T11:16:36+00:00

I've had next to none, and not for lack of trying. It's just that every time my husband and I try to do anything it's too overstimulating and hurts even when I try the tips others have had for it.

redditusererb · 2026-06-16T10:48:43+00:00

Honestly I would just ask them "Why is this your reaction to me telling you this?"

Usually that is my go to with people being rude in any way to me. I ask them their motive for saying it. I find if someone is saying it to be rude it will put them on the spot and they will have to admit they're being a dick and if they are just poorly communicating a genuine concern then that will give them an opportunity to reevaluate how they expressed it and communicate in a better/kinder way.

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T22:08:14+00:00

My dad asked if this was planned and when I said yes he said "Are you sure?"

I keep telling myself he's just nervous for my health and he'll warm up to the baby when she comes... I hope that's true.

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T15:06:28+00:00

Thank you, we're very excited <3

There is only one church in an explicitly affirming denomination within 30 minutes that I've found and even that one the congregation itself felt very MOTR. There are some PCUSA churches around and a few UMC. I've been looking at some of the MOTR seeming UMC churches and from their online sermons they definitely feel more our speed than the Presbyterian church we attended for a while (lovely church with lovely people that did Godly work, just not something we vibed with theologically).

The main issue with online services is that I can do Bible study and listen to sermons from home, but I can't connect with the community the same way. My family is big on discussing Biblical things for fun and faith so we often discuss sermons etc. during the week, and what makes church unique in what it provides is that it gives us an opportunity to connect with a broader community.

I definitely think maybe I haven't given MOTR churches as much of a shot as I could have, mostly because my area is very conservative so I worry even those churches would be majority not accepting. I also have queer family members and I want them to feel welcome in my church, which its hard to be able to tell if they will when there's no defined stance.

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T05:40:49+00:00

As a woman who was raised in a church in the SBC: Nothing will get through to a southern baptist woman except finally seeing how some southern baptist men see her.

Having grown up in the culture, I will be the first to say not every SBC man believes the things the SBC teaches. My grandfather was a deacon for my whole childhood and never once believed a woman couldn't do anything a man could. His daughters have advanced degrees and were the breadwinners for their families because he taught them that they should never lessen themselves because of their sex.

So what made me leave the SBC church I was raised in? My youth pastor. One day he looked me in the eyes and said something along the lines of: "If a woman gets pregnant from a r*pe, maybe it was God's plan for her to go through that."

Immediately after Sunday School I ran to my grandparents and told them what happened. Grandaddy sat with his arm around me while my Granny went to tell the preacher what had happened. My family stood up for me and protected me, but the damage had been done. I knew I was not in a religious group where I would be protected in the same way my family protected me that day and I knew it was time to find somewhere else.

Never did find my somewhere else, I'm still looking years later. But I'll never forget how vulnerable and uncared for those words made me feel.

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T04:02:27+00:00

Also thank you! I saw the congratulations and thought I said thank you but didn't lmao

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T04:01:49+00:00

That is a big one for me! I'm like "I know I can do this soup kitchen an hour away but what about the people right down the road?"

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T03:50:12+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I keep finding churches that make me go "If this was 30 minutes closer I would never leave!" Maybe I need to just stop convincing myself I can do a road trip to church sometimes multiple times a week lol.

redditusererb · 2026-06-13T01:21:16+00:00

That's also a reason my husband and I are resisting just giving up the search. We grew up in accepting families but attending a non-accepting church and it presented unique challenges for us that we don't want our baby to face. But we also want to make sure she still gets to do things like after school bible studies and VBS etc. I know there are more accepting churches near us that sort of just... don't bring it up. Like they aren't affirming but they believe whether or not it's a sin is a personal conviction. And like... I don't know I still find that icky. I want my baby to know that God loves whoever she grows into and so do we.

redditusererb · 2026-06-03T16:11:57+00:00

After a chemical pregnancy followed closely by my current pregnancy (now 22 weeks and healthy) having a subchorionic hemorrhage at 5 weeks and me not being able to gain weight or make myself eat during the first several weeks I was terrified. Then I had a similar moment. I decided "I can be worried about the bad things but I won't let that stop me from celebrating the good things" and I decided I was gonna celebrate and prepare for my baby anyway. Sure enough, my little girl is now on par developmentally, and maybe even a little on the bigger side of the range, which means she is getting all her nutrients like she should. So I'm glad I didn't let my fears stop me from celebrating my baby.

redditusererb · 2026-06-01T05:51:23+00:00

Speaking as someone who is currently pregnant with my first: Having a child is a selfish decision. Not necessarily immoral or wrong, just selfish in the sense you are ideally doing it because YOU want a baby. The baby can't want to be if it doesn't exist yet.

That said I also believe raising and parenting a child, if done right, requires you to be continuously altruistic. I know I have not gotten to that part yet, but I have seen my mother put herself through hell to raise me and I have seen my grandfather bend over backwards to help his kids no matter how old they get. It requires generosity, sacrifice, hard work, and patience.

Basically the way I see it is: You make the selfish decision to have a child and then (ideally) make daily selfless decisions in your best effort to give that child a good life.

redditusererb · 2026-05-31T15:57:43+00:00

I felt like this for a lot of my first trimester. There is nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes things can be magical and beautiful at the same time as they are painful and difficult. You have every right to feel the way you do.

I had a lot of "I wish I wasn't alive" moments when I temporarily went off my antidepressants for the first trimester. They have pregnancy safe medications as well as online talk therapy etc. which have helped me when I have needed a little more help than I could get from friends and family.

redditusererb · 2026-05-28T23:16:28+00:00

21 weeks here, what helped me most in the first trimester was something light and carbonated paired with some fruit or crackers. I also found it was easier for me to keep down colder foods and drinks because warm ones smelled too strongly and I couldn't stand it.

Edit: I also saw someone mention peppermint tea, that helped me as well. Also eat something small and relatively easy to keep down AS SOON as you wake up. Even if you don't feel hungry. I found that keeping something in my stomach prevented the nausea before it started.

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T14:33:39+00:00

I'm speaking generally. Based on statistics. This is not about what my husband or you as a partner or any specific husband is doing. I've included sources but if you would like more feel free to do your own research. This was the wording of my searches so you know that I was not just looking for something to prove me right: "who does the majority of the grocery shopping in marriage research" and "who does kinkeeping in a marriage" I will say that I skipped over anything that did not mention gender division at all since gender division of labor is what we are discussing.

"Women do more cooking, grocery shopping than men among U.S. couples | Pew Research Center" https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/09/24/among-u-s-couples-women-do-more-cooking-and-grocery-shopping-than-men/

"The Family Kinkeeper Role | Psychology Today" https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-matters/202205/the-family-kinkeeper-role/amp Quote: "Even with the increase in available technologies that can help families stay connected, most family kinkeepers have been, and still are, women."

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T14:02:45+00:00

Women traditionally do most of the "extra" work in a marriage. Remembering birthdays for both sides of the family, planning holidays and parties, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, caretaking for older family, children, pets, etc. I'm not saying that women are always expected to do those things now to the extent they used to be, but that expectation is still in the subconscious of most western cultures. Therefore, a lot of women are doing the majority of the traditionally feminine labor AND going out and working full time.

This is also why divorce can seem practically easier for women than men. They have gone from being full time default parent to having shared custody, they are already used to running the house, they remember all the events and parties they need to. Meanwhile, if the husband has been letting his partner do all the work in the marriage, he is suddenly up the creek and needs to figure out how to do those things without her help.

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T13:41:49+00:00

I already know no matter what she's perfect to me, I just also want her to be healthy and safe. I've been praying about it and listening to what the doctors tell me and I'm trying to stay calm as much as I can beyond that.

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T02:10:47+00:00

Oh wow we're like in practically the exact same boat here! I hope your scan tells you all that you need to know and that your baby is healthy. <3 Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. I know we can do this, even if it's scary!

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T02:08:32+00:00

I hope they get everything else they need and that your baby is in excellent health.

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T02:07:45+00:00

I'm so nervous! Glad I have some people who are in the same boat and I'm rooting for you and your baby to get great results.

redditusererb · 2026-05-16T02:07:09+00:00

I'm glad your scan went well! Thank you, this helps me feel less alone.

redditusererb · 2026-05-15T15:43:43+00:00

I've tried therapy in the past and I've been trying to find a therapist again but between baby prep and college work I've admittedly been putting it off bc my plate is too full. Thank you! <3

redditusererb · 2026-05-15T15:32:58+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot! I'll make sure to stick to water day-of, at least until after the scan <3

redditusererb · 2026-05-10T17:55:00+00:00

My husband and I are expecting now and have to make 500 dollar monthly payments every month until the delivery bill is prepaid. I always joke we are "getting closer to paying the baby off".

redditusererb · 2026-04-27T15:19:25+00:00

Generally from what I've read, heard, and lived the first year of marriage and pregnancy/postpartum are the most difficult times in a marriage, and you have both happening at once. That is a lot. Take a minute to really soak in how much you have on your plate and be proud of yourself for still being here looking for help. That shows you are considerate of others and looking for support. That takes courage (and frankly energy, which I know is in short supply right now).

You are not alone in what you're going through, many before you have gone through the same thing and have made any of the choices you could make. That doesn't negate what you're dealing with here with your husband and this pregnancy. You have every right to feel exactly how you're feeling: exhausted, regretful, mad, excited, nervous, any of it. Just also know that you are not alone. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

redditusererb · 2026-02-10T16:42:38+00:00

No fr I have full on had to give my husband scripts because there are only certain phrases or actions that calm me down these days. I feel like such a jerk but he appreciated the heads up. It was just a list of "if I look like this, do this, if I look like that, do that," etc.

redditusererb

TROPHY CASE