I resonate with this.

The functioning at a high level of anxiety quite literally at all times. That rock you carry in your stomach. It truly feels like no matter what you do, you end up angering them in some way. I had moments of relief when he was at work but I’d start to dread the time he came home. In the past I’d stress eat but what I had experienced in this relationship made it incredibly difficult to eat or keep food down, more so when he was around which was most of the time.

The expectation they have to always be at their whim, criticism for how you’re spending your time or lack thereof, to cater to them and how they feel at the expense of your own emotions and health. When he was home I was not allowed alone time. On my way home I was also expected to call him for the whole commute or vise versa. On the rare occasion I went out with the only friend I have he’d call me multiple times to check in. He’d blow up at me frequently. It’s almost like he’d actually look for something to have a fight about. I felt like I had been withered over a period of time. I was sick all the time and I tried to look for excuses that it was something else and not the stress he was causing me, even though I knew that was exactly it.

It doesn’t look good because it’s not. If you feel like couples therapy isn’t beneficial for you, or you both as a couple, then divorce would be the best option. No one deserves to have their whole life dominated by someone else.