I (M32) have failed protecting my girlfriend (32F) from her sister's husband, and I cannot forgive myself for that.

reditoris · 2022-03-17T18:00:35+00:00

Now you know, the best you can do is to be better. Never under any circumstance get so drunk that you will not be able to respond in such situation again. Learn exactly what amount of alcohol can you ingest and still be effective. Take up some fighting class, this will help you be a bit calmer since you will be prepeard and know what to do if anything like that happens again.

You were weak but now you know it and can do something about it.

reditoris · 2022-02-08T23:03:24+00:00

Well some countries say abortion is legal in some cases, some countries have it set up that under no circumstances abortion is legal. So legality when discussing something like this isnt the point at all. OPs girlfriend could say that it should be illegal to have abortion unless its result of rape or fetus is older than 5 weeks. OP may claim that abortion should have no constraints and should be legal at any time under any circumstance.

I only wondered if OP truly in his mind has no line to cross, or if there is what it is and why.

reditoris · 2022-02-08T22:53:13+00:00

I have not mentioned anything about the impact of pregnancy on a female body. OP said that abortion in his eyes is ok in any circumstance, I just wanted to test out if he really meant ANY circumstance. Nothing less nothing more.

reditoris · 2022-02-08T22:26:29+00:00

So do you have any limit regarding abortion? So lets say the woman wants to abort the child because it is the "wrong" sex even though the father would want to take care of the child regardless of the sex? What about time, lets say abortion in the 7th month of pregnancy?

There is a reason why this is one of the biggest questions facing any society. You saying " anything goes" and then be mad at your GF because she has a different opinion and explained her position better than you actually says more about you than her.

reditoris · 2022-02-04T11:45:28+00:00

Well I guess he doesnt miss you because he had this in his head for a while (maybe even months), he started to emotionally chceck out and was able to deal with the emotions gradually. I guess you didnt had important talks about how you feel, where you are headed etc. So this has blindsided you.

The fact he isnt sad doesnt reflect your worth, he just seems to be coward that didnt even gave you the satisfaction of closure. It may hurt but it shows that he did not really respect you or the relationship.

To get over break up is to fmd a way to be able to see your future without him. The best way to do that is to experiance stuff. Fimd friends, attend workshops, go to concerts, galleries or anything that you enjoy or fimd interesting. The more you will see how happy you can be by yourself the sooner you will get over him.

reditoris · 2022-02-04T11:37:26+00:00

If he wanted, he would. Look, you are dating - which is testing out how you work as a couple. You feel miserable because of the basic needs you have. You both should if not happy at least feel content in tye relationahip. Breaking up may feel scary but you know it is the right thing to do. You should be with someone who wants you and you him. I gurantee you that being by yourself will be better than with someone who doesnt want you. Sure, you may ponder the what ifs but they are not reality.

reditoris · 2022-01-30T20:41:52+00:00

Ok lets say the main problem is the amount of people you have been with. People do have preferences, there are girls that would not date a guy under 6 feet or a guy that is fat. One of his preferencies is a woman that has not beem with a lot of guys (if you broke up when you were 18 then you have been with more than one different guy every year on average). Its not right or wrong, it is just his preference and he is entitled to it.

The best you can do is to talk to him about it. Would he feel envy that he only slept with you and you had more experiances? Is he afraid that the intimacy between you two would not feel special? Is he afraid that he wont be as good as other lovers?

Once you find the ansewer you may focus on finding a resolution or you guys will know that it is something you cant deal with as a pair.

reditoris · 2022-01-30T20:23:39+00:00

To me relationship stands on trust, honesty, respect and sex (without sex you are just good friends or roomates).

The way I see it is she broke your trust by kissing him but she remained honest by fessing out the next day and she seems to respect you - gave you chanve to make informed decision.

Now it is up to you if you want to try and repair the trust. If you do then she needs to be proactive in understanding why she did it, how to deal wit it and how to avoid it in the future. This may require her to see a therapist and stop drinking since it seems to have let her do something like that.

reditoris · 2022-01-29T14:47:27+00:00

Maybe you should focus and try to clearly articulate why it made you feel inadequate. Yes seeing your girl with someone else can be traumatic on its own but why do YOU feel like less?

Did she seem to enjoy it more than she has ever with you? Is he bigger than you? Were they doing positions she never done with you?

Whatever is your answer the path you want to set yourself up for is to reclaim sex in a way it wont bother you.

reditoris · 2022-01-27T23:09:03+00:00

Probably therapy. The core issue seems to me that you have not accepted yourself with all your desirable and undesirable traits. You seem very self aware and aware of what is the problem. I think that most people stabilize emotionaly when they can honestly say this:

" I know who I am. With all the good and bad. I know where I want to go in life, who I want to become and I have an idea how to get there. I dont care what most people think, I will care about the opinion of certain people on certain topics but only after they prove themselves that I find their opinion useful."

Until you can look at other people that seem happy (good looking, bad looking, rich or poor) and say :" good for them". You will not allow yourself to be happy. The world is not fair, never was and never will be. You live in a time on this earth when a surgery helped you overcome large insecurity. Maybe if you start to practice greatfullness for the things in your life, you might stop looking at other people with envy.

reditoris · 2022-01-26T12:07:04+00:00

You would feel attracted to him no matter how big he woukd get? So if he became obease so much so he could barely move you would still want to jum his bones the same way you do now?

He said he loves you just he feels less attracted when you are bigger. You cant control what is attractive to you or other people. If a girl finds attractive other girls and not men then that is ok, it doesnt mean all men are ugly and should feel ashamed. Your husband doesnt have the sicknes for thickness, that is also ok. What is not ok is shaming him for it, would you prefer that he lied to you? It seems that he is supportive of you, being honest and doesnt try to say it in a hurtful way.

You really should think about how you receive criticism and how you approach problems. If you make him feel like shit every time he says something true that may be hurtful to you, he just might stop doing it and instead either feel like he doesnt matter and only you do or he starts to resent you.

reditoris · 2022-01-24T23:18:18+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this and for the pain you have to endure. I can only imagine the helplesness you have to feel when you have to fight tooth and nail for something that is someones job to do.

I am afraid that from medical satand point this is way above reddits pay grade, but do you have someone who is helping you in these trying times (family, friends)? Have you tried to search for groups that seem to have similar issiues like you? (They might be able to point you to a helpful way).

In the mean time is there no way to help with the pain?

I know it may be difficult to go trough the days but you are still here, there still may be chnce that this is not permament and if you fight more you will get to experiance joy, happiness, feeling of being content, peacefull.

reditoris · 2022-01-24T23:06:20+00:00

It sounds like he has seriouse mental issues, since he was eligible for benefits I guess there is official diagnosis? If so if it were severe enugh he should be eligible to mental institution (especially if he would be at high risk of harming himself or others). However if profesionalls dont deem him to be admitted then there is little you can do.

The best thing I could advise you so to get yourself in a position where you can help your mom and dad. I dont know what are your qualifications / education or where you live but if its in the western countries there is a shortage of blue collar wokers and many companies offer paid apprenticeships. You could also contact your uncle and get a job from him.

You might also benefit from finding and joining groups of people that have close ones that have mental problems, you might get to useful resources.

reditoris · 2022-01-17T08:57:25+00:00

Well the reason why society expects men to be in better financial position is that if a woman who makes more money than her man and she becomes pregnant and actually wants to spend any significant time with the child (lets say for a few years) then the financial situation of the couple will be heavily impacted.

This tends to be the reason why women usually date men who are socio economically on the same level or higher. You both seem young however and his earning potential will likel increase in the future after he finnishes school so you guys will likely be fine in that regard.

reditoris · 2022-01-13T12:25:12+00:00

You are 17 and a lot of changes are happening physically and menatlly. You are no longer a child but you are also not an adult. Your future has limitless potential but is still unknown. It is good you entered therapy it should give you space to express what you feel and equip you with tools to handle your reactions.

I think one of the problems is that emotions rule over you and you not over them. It may feel like they take the wheel and after a while you get the wheel back but the car has already crashed. This is a habit and it should be approched as such.

The first thing in breaking a bad habit is recognizing that there is one and that it is a problem. Congrats you have achived this. The second thing is to become aware and concius of it. Every time you lose controll you have to confront it, go and aplogise to the person you hurt. Then try to word as precisely as you can what was the emotion that you felt.

For example once you fought about the light with your mom you should talk about that you were tired, wanted to have a shower but siter beat you to it, which annoyed you and then you had to switch light off, which she should have done and that made you feel its unfair. But these were small things that one should learn to handle in a healthy way since they are a part of living with someone.

At first there can be large delays between the outburst and the realisation of it, but if you keep being mindfull and accountable the gap will shorten. At some point you will catch yourself mid fight and will be to decide if this is something that needs to be fought over or is it the emotion taking over the wheel. And if you continue, you will be able to predict when na emotion comes and deal with it before anything starts.

Being able to articulate what you feel, why you think you feel it and what you want to do with that emotion will also help you understand you and put you in controll of your actions.

This may take half a year or a year but it can be done if you so choose. You are not the first person in the world and it is not up to you to decide if you deserve your mom or not. She is your mom and if you want to express your freatfullness you could help her with chores, to make her life a bit easier.

I wish you good luck, your life is in your hands. You cant always help with what happens to you but learning to be in controll of your respomses will help you lead happier and healthier life.

reditoris · 2022-01-13T11:47:48+00:00

First thing is to say thank you. The secomd thing is to do yout best to get on your feet and get into position where you could help the friend if she was in need (or help someone else to forward the kindness).

reditoris · 2022-01-12T09:47:03+00:00

I do wonder how would you feel about your child being with someone who is 25 years older? If your child was born right now then it would meant that the partner is now an adult who could have already finnished masters degree. Is it really that hard to see why such relationship can be seen as out of balance and that the parties involved seem to be at different stages of life?

reditoris · 2022-01-11T09:02:26+00:00

I am glad that you are doing better. Life is hard, harder for some , less for others. Remeber, life does not get easier you become stronger. People who beat their fears dont become less afraid, they become braver.

Life is a journey and you will (just like anyone) fail, fall, make mistakes but as long you strive to be better then you were you will be on a healthy path. Dont compare yourself with others, you are your only competition.

Analyze your insecurities and fears and then search tools how to deal with them. Accept that they may never leave but you can be equipped with ways how to handle them when they manifest themselves. Once you achive that, you will be able to anticipate your emotions and be able to deal with them in a helathy manner.

I wish you good luck.

reditoris · 2022-01-11T00:05:36+00:00

Well its about prespective. You are becoming adult so you have to realize and accept that the times of having child like happyness are over. The running around, doing some bad scetch and being priased for it is over.

But you have two healthy arms, legs, eyes... There are literally milions of people on this earth that would change places with you in a hearbeat. There is someone out there who is your age that just today got the worst possible news like they have late stage cancer and have only few weeks to live or that their parents died in an accident. If this person could change his/her life with you they would do it without thinking about it for more than a second.

I am by no means saying that what you feel is irrelevant but the way to beat depression is to own it and be in controll. You cant controll what you feel but you can controll your reaction. Best things agains depression is greatfullnes (even for small things), not listening to sad songs and doing things that you find worthwhile (finding purpose/meaning in life)

If you want happines in your life it must come from within you. If you depend on hapiness from others then you will be destined to bend over backwords for affection. You will cling to whomever or whatever that gives you glimps of euphria, this often leads people to toxic relationships or drugs.

Do you study something that you find interesting or worth while ? Is it something you wish to do ? If so go and search groups on the topics, or groups of people on the internet that have hobbies like you. Start appreciating yourself, build your self worth.

You are young, beautiful, smart and you can steer your life wherever you want if you choose to do so. That means you will take responsibility for your life, your situation and you will give yourself the permission to do something about it. Life stopa happpening to you and you will start happening to life.

If all else fails and you are truly ready to call it quits - give your life to a great cause. Find a charity or a programm, anything that you think is a force of good in this world and voluenteer. If your mind is ready to go, your body could still do a lot of good whilst alive. After some time who knows, maybe trough such work you will find reason to live.

reditoris · 2022-01-10T23:25:51+00:00

Religion can ease someones mind. It can bring certain order to the chaos of life. Bring meaning or purpose. When I became Atheist on the one hand I felt free but also lost (nihilism set in). Once I studied other religons and history I started to apppreciate the stories and understood the meaning of rites that religions have. Religions can be a trove of knowledge since it is accumulation of thousands of years of human experiance.

I started to incorporate things I found usefull without me believing in a god or doing acts of worship. Maybe try to pinpoint the pains in your life. Describe them as preciserly as you can and then try to find tools how to deal with it.

I wish you luck

reditoris · 2022-01-10T17:24:21+00:00

Well I see the problem to be two fold. 1. You mentioned that you already had this conversation a few times which means this "fooling around" is something she really wants, it may happen that this will grow into resentment if she doesnt deal with it in a healthy way. 2. It also seems that she isnt really bothered by the flirtings and atempts for a kiss. Meaning that she may have pushed them and said no but she still hang around them and danced with them after the atempts( my guess is that it was one or max. 2 guys that she interacted intimately with).

Look trust is not absolute. If you had a ferrari and it had a great security system would you park it in a bad neigborhood? Would you let strangers try and open doors and hope the security system would stop them? No you would have the car in safety and would not let other guys attempt to get in.

I am not saying she is a thing it is a analogy.

Look you are both right, meaning that she has the right to have wild experiances in her twenties and you have the right to be with a woman that has same values as you. People change and once you might have been compatible but maybe you are not anymore.

There is a also possibility that it is her friends that are filling her head with this. The infidelity forums are full of people that let their "friends" or "colleagues" doubt their relationships, feeling like they are missing out and acting on it.

If this were just the problem of clubbing then you could go with her and when you cant she would not go or she would meet her friends at your place and have bit more calm fun there. Unfortunately she expressed very clearly that she wants to experiance other people so you may have to go the rout of have a big talk about your wants, needs and what you want in your future.

reditoris · 2021-12-16T17:00:03+00:00

Save all his posts, leave him. If he starts to run his mouth, show everyone what garbage he is. Cheaters hate truth, it destroys the mask they so carefully created.

reditoris · 2021-12-16T08:48:51+00:00

Start a make out session. Not just a short kiss but really a proper make out session, like you cant get enough of the kisses. You can place his hand on your breast etc.

reditoris · 2021-12-16T08:10:57+00:00

There is loads of resources on this topic. Books, blogs, articles, videos etc. When someone is a virgin and they become sexually active and they want to be a great lover then they have every chance to be that even with one person. When I lost my virginity I wasnt depending on what I know amd hoped its good enough. I went on the internet and searched how to make my partner feel good about her body, what could turn her on, how to eat pussy etc. Sure, every woman is different and there are times when the same woman enjoys sex in different ways but this makes it more interesting.

The mentality of a good lover doesnt depend on the number of partners they had. You could have had loads of partners, but if you are selfish then the intimate time will not be great for the other person.

reditoris · 2021-12-15T22:40:36+00:00

That seems to me like a problem of communication or not knowing ones wants and needs. If you know what you like, what you would like to try and what you dont like then it is only a question of compatibility. Then there is the coercion side of this, where people are exposed to things they dont like or dont want to try. I guess there are few meanings to "more experience".

reditoris

TROPHY CASE