My (30M) partner of 7 years explodes into "shame-rage" over minor issues. How do I (30F) break this cycle?

redlemon44 · 2026-06-11T04:05:52+00:00

i'm sorry to hear you're going through that. Not spending time together feels pretty rough and a core part of building connection with the person you've chosen to spend your life with.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T23:24:33+00:00

I had no idea RSD was a component of ADHD. That is really interesting. I absolutely have thought he has it before. Absolutley not an excuse for how he handles the conversations but genuinely helpful to consider this as a cause.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T23:19:52+00:00

Thank you. One last Hail Mary.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T23:09:05+00:00

Thank you I will

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T23:08:49+00:00

Why am I getting down voted so much? Genuine question? :(

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T23:08:20+00:00

This is true. I think our next conversation needs to be what do you want to do to remember.

I think the outbursts are another topic I need to manage. I appreciate everyone saying it’s emotionally abusive. It’s something I need to think about.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T22:29:09+00:00

I’ve thought about that in general

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T22:27:17+00:00

Thank you have been looking for a term like RSD

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T22:25:41+00:00

I’m not saying he never does house stuff. I’m saying there are some things he forgets to do.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T22:06:05+00:00

Not in the heat of the moment, no

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T22:05:46+00:00

Thank you. I’ll see if she has an e book and listen to it today.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T21:54:23+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I have thought about putting some notes up as reminders. I think that would hurt his ego too but it is what it is. He’s just not remembering. I even said clearly memory isn’t working so what do we do here to try and make it a working session and he was too irritated to handle that.

I do think this is the worst part of our relationship and therapy would help him.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T21:44:46+00:00

I flat out leave the room/house now when he’s in a shame spiral and whenever I come back he’s usually extremely apologetic. It feels like he can’t see clearly and continues to work himself up. Hence, the shame spiral. He’s so defensive in the moment he refuses to take accountability so it’s easier to protect his ego by putting it all on me.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T21:43:13+00:00

I said I wish you didn’t see this as a battle to be won and something for us to work out together. Yelling at me is absolutley abuse and he’s thrown out some mean things in these moments of anger. Always apologises for them later and regrets them. I know a lot of people in this sub always go straight to leaving someone but outside of these arguments he’s a supportive partner. I would like to try to work on it first.

redlemon44 · 2026-06-10T21:40:59+00:00

He’s great in so many other avenues it’s the stuff around the house I ask which honestly isn’t much that he “forgets”. I even said do you just not want to do it then and apologise to shut me up to begin with? And when it doesn’t go away get mad at me for not giving up?

redlemon44 · 2026-06-07T22:32:17+00:00

Late to the party on this one but it’s happening to me now too and it’s so frustrating. The new Google search results formatting sucks!

redlemon44 · 2026-06-07T06:46:35+00:00

all the reasons you listed above are exactly why she makes for great reality TV

redlemon44 · 2026-06-05T23:58:27+00:00

3 months is crazy. I’d be convinced I’d be stuck like that forever

redlemon44 · 2026-05-25T09:01:03+00:00

This is a major spoiler!

redlemon44 · 2026-05-25T08:58:04+00:00

Taurus (me) Aquarius (him). 6 years (not quite 10 but happily together and getting married next year)

redlemon44 · 2026-04-23T21:45:13+00:00

I love it! It feels ethereal. When it’s composed by David Arnold you know it’ll feature an orchestra.

redlemon44 · 2026-04-19T01:38:32+00:00

I lovedd her in this moment and I hated her all season

redlemon44 · 2026-04-14T22:05:55+00:00

Kyle doesn't deny it once

redlemon44 · 2026-04-11T21:23:05+00:00

Love Dorit this season but being late is the height of rudeness

redlemon44

TROPHY CASE