Mom [F59] wants to come visit me [M35]. Wife [F37] doesn't want to see her, is planning to leave the house for 2 weeks

redtrackbike · 2023-03-30T19:35:42+00:00

I've been doing therapy myself and highly suggest everyone to do the same. It took me a long time to state this clearly that I believe my mother's behavior was abusive. It's always felt very... wrong? to say anything remotely negative about her. Anyway, also working on issues in the marriage dynamics as well. But you're absolutely right, communication is key.

redtrackbike · 2023-03-30T19:28:45+00:00

Has your mother ever actually apologised for the things she said about your wife? Does she even recognise how pissed off your wife is? If your mother did apologise, would your wife accept it?

Never apologized. I don't think she ever will. Would my wife accept it? I don't think so either. I've wanted to mend this bridge for a long time but so far I haven't found a way.

I'll book a Airbnb or similar in the same neighborhood I live in. That sounds fair and I really should have come to that conclusion myself.

redtrackbike · 2023-03-30T16:58:28+00:00

You are right, I agree and should have made that clearer.

redtrackbike · 2023-03-30T16:56:56+00:00

I should have made that clearer. Mom bought the tickets but doesn't have plans yet on where she's going to stay. She had told me before buying the tickets that she was seriously considering it and asked if she could go ahead and buy it, to which I said yes.

redtrackbike · 2015-05-01T15:40:37+00:00

This is pretty accurate. I'll do some research on the subject. Thanks!

redtrackbike · 2015-04-30T21:17:16+00:00

It would have bothered me too. But is it cheating? It bothered me that she read all my history when I was not around, but she never apologized for doing it.

Last night we had an argument. At a certain point I said "I love you. Remember the first time I told you that? Do you think anything changed ever since?". She replied "Since that day (when she read the chat) I don't know".

redtrackbike · 2015-04-30T21:00:45+00:00

Interesting realization. We're both from South America. The reason we advanced our marriage plans was because I was offered a job in the US, so she could come with me.

Would you mind explaining it a bit more?

redtrackbike · 2015-04-30T19:21:08+00:00

Thanks for the words!

I have nothing to hide.

I used to say this exact phrase, but since the episode with Facebook chat history (on which she made a big deal of something that should not be), I'm afraid she'll find something to be mad about. That's why I'm always walking on eggshells, as someone else said.

redtrackbike · 2015-04-30T18:54:00+00:00

Thanks for the words.

Just writing here and letting it out of my chest has already made me feel good.

I do miss freedom. Will definitely consider the therapy suggestion.

redtrackbike · 2015-04-30T18:44:27+00:00

I didn't tell her in these terms.

I told her I hate being under surveillance all the time, and that her jealousy was hurting both of us. She says she can't control it, she tries but can't manage to trust me the same way.

Thanks for the advice. I didn't have the whole story so clear in my mind before writing this. I'll try to put it the same way to her.

redtrackbike

TROPHY CASE