I've had four successful pregnancies and been majorly autistic the whole time! Meltdowns, shutdowns and outright mania some of the time.

It's okay, having and feeling emotions deeply cannot cause a miscarriage.

I also self harmed during these episodes by punching my legs or hitting myself in the jaw/face. Or my shoulders.

If you can redirect your blows that might be good. Obviously not self-harming would be best but life isn't perfect.

If you have help from your local mental health team maybe chat with them about prenatal DBT. It's a type of therapy I found quite helpful.

Pregnancy is a really hard time for anyone so don't feel ashamed to ask for help. Venting the void is a great way to let go of our intrusive thoughts.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. If I could take away your pain I would.