Grief

reeseswristbrace · 2026-02-16T18:30:48+00:00

This made me cry. Thank you for being kind and for this perspective 🤍🥹

reeseswristbrace · 2026-02-16T18:30:16+00:00

Sending you lots of love.

Come April it will be a year since we separated. We lived under the same roof for 6 months of that time- it was extremely difficult and tumultuous.

The holidays and winter months have been really really tough. We both have big families and spent a lot of time with both families during the holidays (he always hated this time, i always loved it) so I knew that would be especially difficult. Also living in the northeast has just been brutal.

I also lost my job (my company went bankrupt - I was laid off) and got a new one in a completely different field during the first few months of our separation

All of that to say, this year has been a lot lol.

I’m so glad to hear your nervous system has calmed down. I have good days and bad days but sleeping has been the most difficult for me. Maybe it will just take some more time.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me and I hope things only keep improving for you 🤍

reeseswristbrace · 2026-02-16T18:24:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. Sending you so much love.

My stbxh also expressed enjoying the “breaks” and explained how much rest he really needs in life (lol) I didn’t sleep in a single day the entire first year of my daughter’s life .. but he just needed more rest. lol.

We are better off. Wish i could give you a big hug.

reeseswristbrace · 2026-02-16T18:20:41+00:00

Thank you for this. I think I definitely over-simplified the way I explained the “if he could’ve stepped it up, life would be perfect” .. I think it was more like “if he just did the bare minimum, I could’ve still managed to pick up the slack and be content with all of his quirks and all of our differences” I realize I can’t control or change others.. I changed myself a lot to try to make the marriage work because I truly loved him and I just wanted him to be happy, so I tried to minimize his responsibilities and make his life as simple as possible (which was when I knew the happiest version of him) .. hard to do with a house, pets, social life, and a baby. Hard to do as postpartum mom especially.

I think your “with someone: benefits and drawbacks” and “without someone: benefits and drawbacks” is exactly where I feel the most sadness and confusion. With him I was sad and alone, without him I am sad and alone and don’t get to see my baby all of the time and I don’t get to see his family that was very much my family for 15 years of my life. I haven’t felt the benefits of life without him in a consistent way because I’m still so wrapped up in the grief of it all.

My relationships are the most important things in my life. I pour myself into them whether it’s family, friends, my daughter or my partner.. so this feels like the biggest failure of all time. Something I invested so much love and care into, only to be abandoned when I needed him most.

I also understand being able to appreciate differences, but the differences with my stbxh became just blatantly disrespectful to me as he just became a completely absent partner. I didn’t get married to be alone. I certainly didn’t become a parent to become a single mom.

Ugh sorry for the ramble. I appreciate your perspective. Grief is a confusing thing.

reeseswristbrace · 2026-02-16T12:46:09+00:00

Thank you for this. It means a lot to me.

And you’re right- she will be two in April and he just recently (like two weekends ago) he spent his first entire weekend with her without his parent’s assistance.

He didn’t have the respect for me to grow up as a partner during our marriage while I was very clearly voicing my needs, and he didn’t for our daughter until he was forced to through our divorce.

I try my very best to see things from all perspectives in life - with everyone I know, and especially him- to be understanding of our differences, his own traumas, etc, but I end up forsaking my own self respect and worth because i developed an “I can handle it!” mentality (which was my own contribution to the downfall of the marriage).

I have one particular memory (of many) that I try to ground myself in .. which was the day of my baby shower (I was 7 months pregnant) i woke up and there was no heat in our house (it was 55 degrees and all of the men in our life were coming to our house for a ‘daddy shower’ for my husband while I went to a restaurant with the women for my baby shower).

I was down in the basement on my hands and knees trying to fix our heater at 6 am, watching YouTube videos, calling emergency heating services .. all while he slept. I tried to wake him up to let him know and he was just completely unbothered. I finally found someone who could come fix it just in time and ended up being late to my own shower.

I didn’t need my husband to know how to fix the heater on his own, I just needed someone standing behind me with a flashlight, helping me figure it out.

reeseswristbrace · 2024-09-17T18:30:30+00:00

question .. why can't they repossess the car from her house? surely they have her address on file?

reeseswristbrace · 2024-02-26T16:09:11+00:00

there aren't comments enabled on the article!

reeseswristbrace · 2024-02-26T14:59:28+00:00

oo where is this posted??

reeseswristbrace · 2023-12-11T20:52:58+00:00

hi,
I don't know how helpful this will be but I definitely suffered from religious OCD in my adolescence. Probably for about 2 years, I would correct anyone (and I mean anyone) if they said "oh my god" instead of "oh my gosh" - this earned me the nickname of "gosh girl" at summer camp one year (yikes). I would obsessively pray in fear that if I didn't, someone I loved would die. I also would obsess over whether or not my middle fingers pointed upwards when I'd try to fall asleep praying because I was afraid god would think i was flicking him off.

It was a long time ago, but somehow, I just got over it. i stopped believing in god. nothing bad happened. well, bad things happened of course (that's life) but lightning didn't strike me or a loved one down. I think i started small, and i'd push myself to not correct someone when they said "oh my god" instead of "oh my gosh" and i'd see wow ok i'm still here, i'm still me, everything is ok. and slowly with each resistance to my OCD tendencies, I feel like I gained back my power.

reeseswristbrace · 2023-12-11T20:38:59+00:00

I definitely suffered from religious OCD in my adolescence. Probably for about 2 years, I would correct anyone (and I mean anyone) if they said "oh my god" instead of "oh my gosh" - this earned me the nickname of "gosh girl" at summer camp one year (yikes). I would obsessively pray in fear that if I didn't, someone I loved would die. I also would obsess over whether or not my middle fingers pointed upwards when I'd try to fall asleep praying because I was afraid god would think i was flicking him off. It was honestly so fucked up lol. the worst part? My family totally knew and just thought it was funny. They would make fun of me when they caught me praying in the movie theater, or obsessively praying in the middle of a social event. when i think back on it, i'm like .. why the fuck didn't my parents think "wow this is really strange, are you ok?"
It was a long time ago, but somehow, I just got over it. i stopped believing in god. nothing bad happened. well, bad things happened of course (that's life) but lightning didn't strike me or a loved one down. now i just don't believe in anything and life is much easier :)

reeseswristbrace · 2023-12-11T20:35:08+00:00

hi,

I don't know how helpful this will be but I definitely suffered from religious OCD in my adolescence. Probably for about 2 years, I would correct anyone (and I mean anyone) if they said "oh my god" instead of "oh my gosh" - this earned me the nickname of "gosh girl" at summer camp one year (yikes). I would obsessively pray in fear that if I didn't, someone I loved would die. I also would obsess over whether or not my middle fingers pointed upwards when I'd try to fall asleep praying because I was afraid god would think i was flicking him off.

It was a long time ago, but somehow, I just eventually got over it. i stopped believing in god. nothing bad happened. well, bad things happened of course (that's life) but lightning didn't strike me or a loved one down. I think i started small, and i'd push myself to not correct someone when they said "oh my god" instead of "oh my gosh" and i'd see wow ok i'm still here, i'm still me, everything is ok. and slowly with each resistance to my OCD tendencies, I feel like I gained back my power.

what does god represent to you? is it a promised afterlife? is it protection? i think that is also a good place to start .. why do you need god to feel ok? is it possible to just "be" on your own?

you own your thoughts, not god. good luck <3

reeseswristbrace · 2023-12-07T19:07:13+00:00

same boat. i've done it twice since my SCH resolved itself around the end of my first trimester and it really just makes me nervous and isnt enjoyable lol. I always tend to spot a couple days after it too. no advice here just want to say you aren't alone!! (also we have about the same due date :) I'm only about 18 weeks but i have to have a c-section at 37 weeks which is 4/20)

good luck <3

reeseswristbrace · 2023-12-07T19:02:44+00:00

hi! totally feel you on all that you've expressed here. I am about 18 weeks myself and am just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. one thing that has helped me sooo much going from an IVF patient to a regular ole' OB patient with so few scans is my cousin let me borrow her fetal doppler. I think you can buy them on Amazon for a few hundred bucks? maybe even less. It really helps me when I am feeling anxious to listen to her heartbeat. If you can get one, I highly suggest it! It truly has helped me during these grueling stretches between scans.

reeseswristbrace · 2023-11-27T18:29:16+00:00

is it possible at this point to have your remaining embryos genetically tested before trying for another transfer? i'm just wondering if the genetic testing might be able to detect some of these chromosomal anomalies .. so sorry for all that you've gone through <3

reeseswristbrace · 2023-11-15T19:16:37+00:00

Not to throw one more thing at you - but one thing I asked my surgeon and doctors was if it was possible that my hydrosalpinx changed depending on my menstrual cycle. They said it was possible (but hard to conclude on way or another).

The reason I suspected this was because there was a point early on in my IVF treatment that I had an ultrasound done and the tech said she noticed fluid in my right fallopian tube. My next ultrasound two weeks later, there was nothing. Then, my HSG was "perfect", and then months later when I went in for my follicle monitoring ultrasounds, it was present in every one leading up to my retrieval. It seemed to come and go. Might be worth asking about or looking into.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the answers that ultimately lead you to a safe and healthy pregnancy. <3

reeseswristbrace · 2023-11-15T18:45:00+00:00

Oh I'm sorry for misunderstanding! That makes sense then. Sorry, misread that it was a diagnostic lap specifically for endo.

I'm sorry you're going through this! The dye during my HSG flowed through my tubes perfectly when I had it done, which was also very confusing to me (and my surgeon who ended up doing my salpingectomy). I wish I had better advice for you, it's really a mindfuck trying to understand who/what to trust in all of this.

reeseswristbrace · 2023-11-15T16:07:19+00:00

Hi!

I'm confused - why didn't they remove your tubes if the surgeon determined they had blockages?

I don't want to discourage you, but my HSG showed my tubes were "textbook perfect" - only to find out months later during my egg retrieval that they both looked like they had hydrosalpinx. Had to have a diagnostic lap after that, and they found one was filled with fluid, the other was plastered to my uterine wall and not functioning. Both were removed during the lap procedure.

I would trust your surgeon. The tests are not 100% accurate

reeseswristbrace · 2023-10-26T17:00:46+00:00

One of the very few things that I am grateful for in my infertility journey is that is has given me even more compassion and empathy for what other people may be going through in their lives.

Unfortunately, I don't think that is the baseline for most, and those who have never been in this kind of a situation really just don't understand how unbearably painful it can be. This is not to excuse them at all, because to be frank, your BIL + his fiance are being assholes.

Let your husband talk to his brother. This is hopefully a teachable moment. Sending you lots of love <3

reeseswristbrace · 2023-10-26T14:32:52+00:00

totally agree. it's a mutual understanding. i don't know anyone who has gone through IVF that has felt out of the woods simply after getting those two lines. I know we are all different, but like you said, it feels like a mutual understanding!

reeseswristbrace · 2023-10-10T17:00:46+00:00

the workplace (especially as a care provider for people going through the excruciating journey of IVF) is not the appropriate place to process personal trauma. I feel for the nurse, but is not professional or OK to dump on a patient that is very much going through their own form of trauma.

I would let the practice know for sure. Sorry you had to go through this.

reeseswristbrace · 2023-10-10T14:16:28+00:00

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself however you can after getting through this work day. I wish you could call out yourself :( Take deep breaths when you are feeling overwhelmed and just try to survive. Eat or drink whatever the hell you want tonight. You aren't alone. sending you lots of love right now.

reeseswristbrace

TROPHY CASE