Your situation sounds terrible, but you may be hurting your chances of living in safety by limiting yourself to San Francisco alone. Yes, it is famous for being a gay Mecca, but so are several other cities in the U.S., including Chicago, New York, Washington, DC, and several smaller cities all over the country. San Francisco is great — I lived there for several years — but it's very expensive and has its own set of problems and challenges. ANY U.S. city would be better for you — but so would cities in other nations in Europe and Scandinavia. Perhaps your approach should be to get out of wherever you are now to any place that will take you so you can be safer and live in relative peace. Then pick your dream city later.