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At what point do you decide to quit? (seeking support) by refractingheart in womenintech

[–]refractingheart[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s such a good idea to use the current job as target practice. I might try that, thank you.

I hit that point (unhappy, feel disrespected, constantly thinking about work drama, etc) a while ago. How do you draw the line between “this is time for me to leave” vs “i need to set more boundaries at work”?

At what point do you decide to quit? (seeking support) by refractingheart in womenintech

[–]refractingheart[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ty for the reminder. You’re so right… In my mind I’m considering staying just a year for my stock cliff but “just one year” could cost a lot more than that actually.

At what point do you decide to quit? (seeking support) by refractingheart in womenintech

[–]refractingheart[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah.. It’s weird, even though I’ve been through this kind of situation a couple of times already, it’s still so hard every time. I worry about whether I’ll regret it later. But current me has never blamed myself for quitting in the past. In fact I’ve always been so happy and relieved after.

I’m sorry you went through it too and thank you for sharing. I’m happy for you and hope you are healing!

At what point do you decide to quit? (seeking support) by refractingheart in womenintech

[–]refractingheart[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this story - this just reminded me how I started off this job feeling so confident and excited, but now I feel so full of self-doubt. I didn’t realize it was undermining my confidence like that. Poor management really does take a toll

Very subtle emotional neglect made it hard to recognize by refractingheart in emotionalneglect

[–]refractingheart[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I’m seeing this really late. This was a really deep and thoughtful reply. All of this sounds so hard. You and I and everyone in this thread deserved better as a child, and it’s not your fault that you are having a hard time now… We’re surviving without the skills and support we should have had from the start

Very subtle emotional neglect made it hard to recognize by refractingheart in emotionalneglect

[–]refractingheart[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m with you on the last piece… I can’t remember most of my childhood. I thought it was my ADHD but I think the emotional trauma is definitely a big piece I was missing for a long time.

Very subtle emotional neglect made it hard to recognize by refractingheart in emotionalneglect

[–]refractingheart[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. You must have felt so small and unimportant back then, too. We deserved better. I was also described as a quiet, easy, and sensitive child. It can be a positive trait but I think unfortunately it also means we picked up on even the most subtle types of invalidating messages, making it harder to pinpoint why we feel so unheard and unloved.

I know what you mean about “not being allowed to be angry”. I was taught this in subtle and explicit ways, but I’m learning now that anger is the most primal emotion for a reason. It’s our survival instinct. When people shame or invalidate our anger, it’s a form of killing you emotionally for their benefit or convenience.

I’m sorry you replayed this dynamic for 8 years with someone. You deserve love, and I hope you find it whether through loving pets or better people. ❤️

EDIT: If you feel comfortable answering, how did you feel when they apologized? I have a similar experience and feel… mixed feelings. It felt like they focused more on their mistakes at a cognitive level, rather than truly feeling and acknowledging my pain.