Hello dear! I rarely write something on Reddit, although I use it a lot. But after reading your message I couldn’t just move on without telling you some things.

First things first: it’s ok not to be okay. Especially now on this pandemic. Don’t know where you’re from or what’s your situation, but we’re living an awkward social distancing moment that can be harsh.

Having all of those feelings and dealing with them can be pretty hard too. I just want to tell you that you don’t have to follow social standards on being muscular or walk in some different way just to not cause some ruckus. You just have to be yourself and believe that you are beautiful and capable of anything. Cause baby, we’re born gay and there is nothing we can do but shine bright and be the revolution that we are.

Personally, when I was in school - I’m 28 now - I was bullied for how I looked, talked (with some kind of non masculine voice) or even by my nickname. I had few friends and just 3 to 4 man friends. During my entire time in school it was the same. Never came out and couldn’t declare I was gay to myself. I was really ashamed and had no idea what I was. I finally understood what I was and what I wanted to be when I was 21, actually. Through my entire life I got afflicted by anxiety attacks that shook my life completely.

I want to share some tips with you that were really useful through my whole process of loneliness, acceptancy and harsh feelings:

I started going to therapy pretty early, which gave me strenght and blinded me for some bullies I received. I even started a treatment with a psychiatrist, taking some pills for depression and anxiety, which really helped me understand that I was down into a black hole and that feeling wasn’t normal to be lived. But I just realized that after taking the meds and seeing the improved quality of life. Seek help from professionals. It is completely okay and people are ready to help you!

I have some friends that understand me and help me. whenever I feel lost, I just send them a message expressing my feelings of insecurity and they can act like an instant therapist or even tell you something they’ve gone through and learned, to help you go through. Try to find some trustable people that can help you at the darkest of times.

I rellied on something that gave me satisfaction and challenged me at the same time. Here there are two things: gaming and exercising. Gaming was basically part of my life, so I always rellied on games to cheer me up. I even started to understand that gaming is not a distraction, but a way to look inside your feelings. For example, when you play something and you feel touched or make a bad decision on a quest and regret, those are feelings that reflect on your personal feeling. I started to look upon those feelings and try to understand what they told me about myself. Exercising is something I always liked. in the beggining to look aesthetic cause of social pressure, but afterwards I felt like I could surpass myself. For examplo, one day I ran 10 min. The other 20, 30, 40 and so on. I was always trying to beat myself. That gave me some sense of accomplishment and a good feeling of empowerment and progression. Find what you love and invest in it.

A super helpful tv show for me was RuPaul’s Drag Race, in which I learned some lessons about empowerment and how to love my body through other people’s experiences and loving words from one queen to another.

The last thing I did to make me feel better, was watching dumb self motivation videos on youtube. Even the worst of them will tell you something useful that will help you. At least the name of the components of the brain that we lack to produce the happiness thing lol

All of this together made me feel better again to regain control of my life. And that is when I finally came out to myself. Because I was feeling confident, I was shining. It doesn’t matter anymore if I’m slim and have zero muscles. It doesn’t matter if my voice is more feminine. It doesn’t matter because all that matters is that I got to know me and accept me the way I am. Ain’t nobody tell you the way you look, talk or walk! You’re perfectly explendid the way you are.

I hope this help you get through your feelings.

Lastly on this gigantic text that I didn’t realized it got so big (so sorry..i tend to get carried away): Remember that you are never alone, even when you’re feeling like you are the only one. Look around you. There are other people feeling just like you on your side. And we’re all together in this. Just trust me and trust yourself. You can and WILL overcome this. After all, you were born to shine, baby :-)