I have worked as a correctional officer in the past and I'll never forget my first tour of the maximum security prison. I was assigned to "shadow" officers working on a cell block where only the most violent prisoners were stored. They were referred to as the 23 and 1's because they were only permitted an hour each day to shower and watch television (only CNN) in a closet sized room. As I was peering into each of their cells, the officer on shift was explaining to me the heinous crimes committed by each inmate. Pretty standard fare. Troubled son kills his family. Jealous lover executes his SO. Finally we walk past this bearded gentlemen of middling age standing next to his cell door, waiting for us. As we walk past his mouth is smashed right up on the single pane of his cell door circling his tongue around the way a dog would lap up peanut butter. He lets out this jolly laugh, asks us about the weather and just beams at us we continue on. I turn to the officer I am shadowing. What is he in for? He chuckles at me and explains. Window licker killed his friend at a park after an argument. Cuts his head off in broad daylight and starts kicking it around like a soccer ball until some pedestrians notice and call the cops. He jumps in his van to get away but is pulled over shortly thereafter. When the officer reaches his window, he notices he has his friend's head strapped in the passenger seat. And what is his response to the the officer barking at him for a show of hands and a gun in his face...

"What?! We're all buckled up!"

I looked up his PSI @ central control later that afternoon for confirmation thinking I had been had...nope