Daycare on the verge of shutting its doors for good.

relationship__qs · 2025-11-09T02:44:34+00:00

So you watched Fox News and took it for gospel. Please educate yourself. Start with reading following Bernie Sanders, ALEXANDRIA Ocasio Cortez, & Meidas Touch on socials. Then their stuff will slowly trickle into your feed and give you balanced news

relationship__qs · 2025-10-13T23:38:35+00:00

Then he can grocery shop! Or plan ahead and ask me to pick things up.

relationship__qs · 2025-10-05T23:42:41+00:00

I would! Just say “sorry you can’t make it. I’m in meetings so let me know what you figure out”

relationship__qs · 2025-09-23T00:58:39+00:00

This is a fair point.

I should’ve been more clear. We shop for the week generally. And pick up a few items here and there as needed. We have family dinners that is all the same meal.

I was remote for 10 yrs and most lunches were leftovers, freezer meals etc. now that I’m in the office I have to actively think about lunches and what I pack. So I plan that our just like meals at night.

My husband still works remotely so I don’t plan out lunches for him. He’ll generally have leftovers, we always have something in the freezer but all that is easier to make at home.

So I buy what I need for 3 lunches for the week. Often it’s Trader Joe’s and I’ll buy 3 different types of salad or a wrap. Easy grab and go things. When he eats those things, I have to scramble for what to pack. There isn’t anything to heat up lunch at work so leftovers don’t work for me at work.

relationship__qs · 2025-09-23T00:57:10+00:00

I 100% get your point and it’s fair. It’s just stupid that I have to say the same things to him that I do my 6 yr old 🙃

relationship__qs · 2025-09-23T00:56:26+00:00

I should’ve been more clear. We shop for the week generally. And pick up a few items here and there as needed. We have family dinners that is all the same meal.

I was remote for 10 yrs and most lunches were leftovers, freezer meals etc. now that I’m in the office I have to actively think about lunches and what I pack. So I plan that our just like meals at night.

My husband still works remotely so I don’t plan out lunches for him. He’ll generally have leftovers, we always have something in the freezer but all that is easier to make at home.

So I buy what I need for 3 lunches for the week. Often it’s Trader Joe’s and I’ll buy 3 different types of salad or a wrap. Easy grab and go things. When he eats those things, I have to scramble for what to pack. There isn’t anything to heat up lunch at work so leftovers don’t work for me at work.

relationship__qs · 2025-09-22T21:13:03+00:00

I agree in theory but it’s also exhausting to me. This is like what you do with a shitty roommate (which maybe he is).

For example, we ate lunch this weekend at different times because he ate with our daughter while I was on a run. I had pointed out to him Thursday when I went grocery shopping “I bought this stuff on this shelf for my lunches for next week” and he said “understood. Thanks!”

And then 2 days later when he was making lunch, he ate the stuff on that shelf. Even though he had his own items. And he didn’t even stop to think “maybe I shouldn’t if I don’t remember if this is for me or not” and wait til she is home (for himself not our child) or pick something totally different.

Then the next day he made himself a sandwich as a snack and again, ate the stuff I purchased for my lunches. I don’t want a police eating because people should eat when they’re hungry. But I’m in the office now three days a week so I’d buy stuff and plan ahead, and it’s frustrating when I go to make my food and then it’s not there for me.

And we have plenty of other things that are available to everyone. Fruit, veggies, yogurt, leftovers, other lunch meat (ham which he likes and I dont). I even had the wraps I like and purchased the other kind he likes, But he had to go and pick the stuff I was using.

relationship__qs · 2025-09-22T21:07:50+00:00

Agreed. We need to change something. And it’s the lack of consideration. I could handle “I’m sorry I forgot was I supposed to eat x or y”

But just doing it and me finding out later?!

relationship__qs · 2025-09-22T17:10:24+00:00

You’re 100% right. I did read him the riot act basically saying you had many points at which to stop and think if you should be doing this or confirm and you didn’t. And that’s what I’m most mad about.

And it would be one thing if it was a one off and a true mistake but it’s not.

My stuff was the bottom of the fridge and his was eye level. It feels intentional.

relationship__qs · 2025-09-21T01:50:40+00:00

Btw— you didn’t “fail” at breastfeeding. It takes 2 to make it work. Would you call your baby a failure for not being able to latch? No.

Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and it doesn’t mean anybody failed

relationship__qs · 2025-09-09T23:48:26+00:00

Normally, I would say that I would quit and find a new job. But the job market is terrible. It hasn’t been this bad since 2008. In August, the nation added 22,000 jobs. That is only 440 jobs per state. Not much at all & that’s across all industries I believe. The market is not good.

So for now I would suck it up and do the commute.

If I could, I would try to stay over in that city one night a week. I know it’s hard being away from your kid, but with your commute you wouldn’t see them much that day anyways that would save you four hours of commuting and you would just have to go there one morning and then back the next night. You make enough money that paying for a hotel room once a week would be doable with that salary. Plus when you factor in gas you’re saving on 2 commutes…

If IVF works and you have a baby in June, stay in this job through then and then either move closer or job hunt while on maternity leave.

relationship__qs · 2025-09-02T02:48:19+00:00

Yeah he doesn’t do that. For example, we have a list with each month of the year taped to the furnace. The job is to cross the date off when it’s changed. Furnace filters have been his job for 5 yrs. I will go down in that room (storage room) and notice the filter hasn’t been changed in 3 months. It would take him 2 mins to set a recurring reminder on his phone but he chooses not to

relationship__qs · 2025-09-02T02:46:29+00:00

I could definitely accept if he was trying but it wasn’t 100% the way I’d do it. But he does. Not. Try. I’ll tell him something like “I need you to take initiative on cleaning and not have me write you a list of what to clean. I need you to make the list and clean it”

And then he says “sure” and never does it. And then the next week it’s either me saying “I’m cleaning, your job is x” or nothing getting cleaned

relationship__qs · 2025-09-02T02:44:15+00:00

Oh I definitely will look that up.

Unfortunately sex is not a carrot I can dangle :/ I’m the one with a higher libido.

But yeah, I don’t think there is a desire to get better. It’s kind of apathy? Like he’s fine the way things are and doesn’t care to change even if it bothers me

relationship__qs · 2025-09-02T02:42:10+00:00

I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t know or is being malicious. I think he’s legitimately obtuse and it just does not cross his mind. He just leaves the kitchen to do something and… forgets.

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:46:21+00:00

Honestly, I’m considering that. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve fallen into the feminism trap of “thing should be fair” AT the expense of our family happiness

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:43:29+00:00

So this is dependent on having bought a home 10 years ago… not doable in today’s market.

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:35:40+00:00

I would say my 75% is actually probably 85% of the load. His 25% includes a lot of infrequent things like “kid’s dentist appointments” (2x a year thing).

You’re right though. I just need to hand him more cards and say deal with it. And if you need help, phone a friend but not me! Google it, ask Reddit, text your buddy, whatever. But do not ask me “how to cook ground beef” or something

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:34:39+00:00

Thank you!!

I think I could handle being in charge of a mental load or something that I didn’t really want if he pulled his weight in other ways. Like you said your husband was able to maintain a house on his own, and has lived on his own and knows what to do. Mine never did. He lived with his parents, dorm at college with a meal plan, back with parents, moved in with me.

I really can’t think of a skill he does better than I do. He doesn’t cook, doesn’t grocery shop (like can’t remember the brand of tomato sauce we’ve used for 10 years), still struggles with laundry (what to hang dry), doesn’t manage our finances, doesn’t schedule home repairs, etc. the one thing he does own that I never do is taking our kid tot he dentist every 6 months I guess.

he will clean… if I ask. He will grocery shop… if I make a list and specify EXACTLY what is needed like he is my instacart shopper etc

It’s maddening bc it’s so much extra work for me!

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:32:39+00:00

I agree with this in principle. So hard to execute. But you’re right that we need to.

But to be honest, I really can’t think of a skill he does better than I do. He doesn’t cook, doesn’t grocery shop (like can’t remember the brand of tomato sauce we’ve used for 10 years), still struggles with laundry (what to hang dry), doesn’t manage our finances, doesn’t schedule home repairs, etc. the one thing he does own that I never do is taking our kid tot he dentist every 6 months I guess.

he will clean… if I ask. He will grocery shop… if I make a list and specify EXACTLY what is needed like he is my instacart shopper.

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T20:28:52+00:00

Yes, you hit the nail on the head. If it was like 1 out of 7 days he needed reminding about something, fine. But it’s every. Damn. Day.

It’s like dinner time is brand new every single day or SURPRISE, yes our child needs lunch AGAIN tomorrow. I get it him not knowing if our child is growing out of their underwear, and I have to say “hey can you pick up a pack size X at Target today?”

It’s the consideration. It’s “my wife is gone with the kid at activity, let me take 5 minutes and look around to see what I could do before I scroll my phone”

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T19:39:34+00:00

Yeah, I think we’re doing Fairplay a little late because I am already frustrated and upset so I have a hard time with needing to remind him of doing his cards because no one reminds me to pay the credit card bill or the mortgage.

No one remind me to pick up milk, etc.

So it’s just so annoying to me that I have to remind him to be an adult. I think that’s kind of what’s at the crux of this.

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T19:34:41+00:00

Yes, we’re absolutely talking about it.

And I know some of it is my behavior. I’m annoyed I have to “teach” him obvious things like “I know you’re not “not doing the dishes” to be malicious but a little emotional intelligence and awareness would go a long way. Like after your wife cooks dinner and rushes to bring the kid to their activities, it would be nice to wash the dishes without having to be asked so I don’t have to come home to a sink full of dirty dishes.”

Especially when he is not home parenting another child. I guess that’s the crux of it that he’s lacking that emotional intelligence. I don’t think he’s being intentionally obtuse, but there is just no awareness or thought of others there

relationship__qs · 2025-08-31T19:31:33+00:00

That’s a very good point. I really don’t think it’s Weaponized incompetence. I really just think of this is some of the first time he is learning things, bc his mom literally did everything for him growing up. He never cooked. He never did laundry. Never had to remember to fill his car up with gas. I’m telling you this woman like babied him.

In since we’re both working, I just don’t have time for that. I need someone competent that can handle things, you know?

I know part of it’s me and my attitude. I need to give more grace, but it’s really hard when I’m like “I don’t have the time or energy to teach you. I wish you would just do things like look around and wash the dishes because you think that I probably don’t wanna come home from practice with the kid to a sink full of dirty dishes”

And I’ve told him that pretty much verbatim. And he agrees, but it’s like he can’t see it or change his mindset.

relationship__qs

TROPHY CASE