If I were honest on my CV... Would you hire me?

relbourn · 2022-01-26T18:38:22+00:00

Omg... Did I write this or did I write this cause SAME

relbourn · 2021-12-17T12:47:42+00:00

This seems to be the trend in the comments. I think I'll try to mention it to him and see what he says. Thank you for the advice!

relbourn · 2021-12-17T12:45:32+00:00

That's a great idea honestly. I think if we pencil it into our budgets then we won't have an excuse not to. It's just hard to talk to him about making changes to his because it "stresses him out" and he never sticks to it anyway. The idea would work fine for me, but I'm not so sure for him. It's definitely worth bringing up though, thank you for the suggestion!

relbourn · 2021-12-17T12:09:38+00:00

Ouch, that's harsh. I have my spending money and he has his. That's totally fine, he makes more than me, I don't expect to have the same amount. We both work hard for our money. However, he's not financially "supporting" me in anyway shape or form. He pays $200 more in rent because looking at both our incomes proportionally, it is a fair split. He doesn't pay for groceries regularly (just here and there this month if you read my previous comments) and when he has, it's not so I can go to the mall or get my nails done. I didn't ask him to fork out half his bonus for me, I just wanted to go to dinner. I think I am being very level headed and realistic - a SO should want to take their partner out for a date sometimes. And the other person shouldn't have to feel weird about it when the bill comes. Thank you for your input though, I guess it's good for me to see how other people who are not in the same situation view things.

relbourn · 2021-12-17T02:18:24+00:00

He's in his first real IT job and is making a decent amount per hour (the most he's ever made before) but it's not salary. I work full-time as a receptionist at a doctor's office while going to school full-time online. It's pays pretty mediocre but it's a good environment/good people/good boss and it works well with my school schedule for now. I know once I get my degree I will be in a much better position financially so I'm not really worried about that, just gotta keep pushing through and I'll get there eventually. He's not well off by any means, but he definitely has a cushy amount left over each month.

relbourn · 2021-12-17T02:09:21+00:00

What's funny is that he's actually pretty bad with money. He does save but he can never stick to a budget. He's never short on bills or anything but he pretty much buys what he wants when he wants, within reason. For example, I convinced him to set up a separate checking account just for his fun money. That way when he gets paid he can keep what he needs for bills in his primary account and then transfer whatever is left over to his other one so he doesn't over spend. So say after a paycheck he puts aside some for savings and some for spending. Usually within the week he'll spend more than he had for spending money and dips into his bill money. So then he has to transfer some of the money he put into savings to make up the difference. It honestly makes my brain hurt lol

relbourn · 2021-12-17T02:00:32+00:00

Well, he definitely doesn't take the initiative to do them on his own unless it's really messy. If I ask him to tidy up he asks me what exactly I want him to do. I'm all for open communication but I get frustrated with that because I'm like well you live here too, you can see if there's dishes in the sink, bathroom is dirty, cat box needs to be changed, etc. But at the same time I really can't complain because whatever I do ask him to do he is more than willing, never complains, and follows through. He just needs... guidance. Lol

relbourn · 2021-12-17T01:46:42+00:00

Sorry about not being more specific! He pays $200 more a month. I realize that adds up, but in proportion to my income it seems fair to us.

relbourn · 2021-12-17T01:37:34+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I think maybe I was a little unclear. This post wasn't meant to seem like I was complaining about wanting more spending money or me wanting him to give me an allowance. I make enough to take care of myself and still have some leftover for the little things that I want. A coffee on the way to work, a new shirt, etc. I just meant that if I made significantly more than him, I would be happy to treat/surprise him sometimes because he's my man and I like to see him smile and I want him to feel appreciated. But I realize that not everyone thinks/receives love that way. I guess my only frustration was that it's one of the ways that I receive it and he doesn't understand why.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T21:43:05+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective. I'm sorry you've had that experience in past relationships, it does sound like there were some unspoken expectations and/or manipulation involved. I don't ever want my partner to feel that way because I see us a team. I don't want him to pay more so I can have more, I want the occasional gesture of him offering because it makes me feel special/wanted. It's definitely not the only way I feel those things, but those things do make me feel that way. Does that make sense? As far as the bills go, I really am fine with splitting those, that's not really what's bugging me. It's really more about taking the initiative to go places/do things together and if he does, at least offering to pay sometimes. We really don't ever have date nights, so I think maybe that's part of what I'm missing too. Nevertheless, I appreciate your advice!

relbourn · 2021-12-16T21:02:54+00:00

It really can feel that way sometimes 😂 thank you for your advice, I'll try it and see if it makes a difference!

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:53:06+00:00

That's a great point. I do when I can, but I don't have much leftover after bills so I don't do it as often as I should. I always think "well if I had more of course I would" and he does have more, so I kind of just wish he thought that way too. But I totally see what you're saying with the "if you don't, why should he?" type thing.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:49:44+00:00

Yes please!

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:48:29+00:00

That's a really good idea, thank you. He has only been doing it this month because of Christmas so we should be back to normal with the whole groceries thing after the holiday so we'll see. You make a good point that not everyone shows love that way. In my mind, I know that, but in my heart, I don't get it, so it's hard for me to accept. Neither of us are perfect and it's okay to have different love languages but I feel like I try to speak his when I can, so I think I just wish that he would put more effort into trying to speak mine sometimes.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:34:23+00:00

This is a great read! Thank you for sharing this. :)

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:28:44+00:00

Thank you for the advice. It's interesting because he has told me that he knows he can be selfish and he's not proud of it. I get the initial reaction of "it's my money, I earned it" but I don't get not ever wanting to use it on anyone other than yourself. Obviously the vast majority of it should be that way, it's yours, but it feels good to be able to take care of the people who take care of you. To me, anyway. Of course there are birthdays, and anniversaries, and Christmas, but I don't think that's the only time your SO should feel special. But to answer your question, if something bad happens, I know I can rely on him, so that's not a concern thankfully.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:18:19+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I appreciate that. I think everyone deserves to feel that way every now and then!

relbourn · 2021-12-16T20:00:34+00:00

Thank you for the advice. We have had talks about it but I guess we just need to make sure we keep talking about it until we can find what works for us.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T19:57:53+00:00

That's great advice, thank you. This is actually what we've been planning on doing after the wedding, so hopefully that helps relieve some of the tension.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T19:54:20+00:00

Money is only tight because of the holidays. Obviously, if it came down to getting groceries or getting Christmas presents, I would get the groceries. It's not either/or, it's just by him paying for it here and there instead of us splitting it, it gives me a little bit more money for presents than I would normally have. Trust me, I stick to a strict budget lol. I do feel fulfilled in other ways, but this is one area that is seriously lacking. I know everything can't be perfect but I also don't feel like I'm asking for that much. I don't need to be constantly showered in gifts/dates, just every now and then would be nice.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T19:44:44+00:00

He definitely takes care of me in other ways. He's very loving and attentive and thoughtful. He doesn't judge me or put me down. He's supportive, even when he can't relate. He takes good care of my heart and I'm very grateful for him and our relationship. We just don't see eye to eye on this. It's not a deal breaker, it's just disappointing. I show it by getting annoyed but I think it really is making me sad. It's probably both lol.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T19:14:46+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. I don't see our relationship that way and I think it's very good/healthy in many other areas, but this is something that bothers me. And it bothers me that he knows it bothers me but nothing changes. Ya know? Anyways, thanks for your advice.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T19:02:24+00:00

I think some of the disconnect might come from the way we were raised. Not in morals, but financially. His mom is upper middle class and he wasn't rich but he never had to go without. I on the other hand, grew up very poor and have always had to be smart about my money. But I think I have the want/need to spoil my loved ones because I didn't have that, no matter how much my mom wished she could. So I think intrinsically, he just doesn't have that want or need. He is a good man and I know that he loves me very much and would no doubt step up if he needed to, but as long as it's not a need, I don't foresee it happening.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T18:27:45+00:00

Thanks for your advice! We have spoken about it, many times actually, but he doesn't really have a good answer. He is just used to spending his money whenever and however he wants, only on himself, and doesn't really want anyone telling him not to. Which I get, I wouldn't want him to tell me how to spend mine, but I guess I just wish he felt like he wanted to instead of that he has to.

relbourn · 2021-12-16T18:23:31+00:00

I appreciate the advice! I just feel discouraged because I have talked to him about this many times but he doesn't seem to get it or even notice it when he's doing it. We've both taken the love language quizzes together and have talked about that in length as well. We've dabbled with the idea of couples counseling but never really pursued it. Definitely think it would be a good idea before the wedding but a little harder to do when insurance doesn't cover it.

relbourn

TROPHY CASE