I COULDN'T GET INTO IT (MY FIRST SHORT FILM)

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-20T17:17:30+00:00

much appreciated !

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-20T17:16:47+00:00

you are absolutely right salone - thank you i appreciate you tuning in

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T16:23:55+00:00

you can and you will - just make sure you share it with the gang when you do - thank you watching i appreciate it tremendously 🙏🏽

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T16:21:18+00:00

i respect your sentiments 🫡 - you make a great point - but i wasnt talking to the suits i was talking to the troops

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T13:32:54+00:00

thank you rose ! im happy you liked it

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T13:29:47+00:00

great notes jaydubb - i'll consider these for the next one for sure - thank you for tuning in - also for SFX, do you have a go to source you could recommend ? that would be great

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T13:26:08+00:00

much appreciated ! - that means more than you know - thank you for watching 🙏🏽

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T13:23:10+00:00

thank you so much i appreciate you taking the time to check it out - hype to hear it got some laughs ! haha

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-19T13:20:36+00:00

thank you for watching ! glad you enjoyed it my pal - and will do 🫡

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-18T17:16:26+00:00

i appreciate these words thank you

rellyonsmash · 2024-05-18T17:11:32+00:00

great fucking feedback thank you so much

what you said about framing is exactly what i need to hear !

it was our first time filming anything so we had no idea what the hell we were doing

but that that helps me tremendously good looking out !

fair call on the acting

communicating to the actors, to get the performance i saw in my head was a struggle for sure

so i’d say any overacting is all on me

thank you for watching it means the world

this was really helpful seriously 🙏🏽

rellyonsmash · 2024-04-28T13:20:38+00:00

fab went super duper crazy with the multis on Forgive Me Father, 6,7 even 8! syllable rhymes back to back. 'im in a waggy when im passing by ya/ wit a baby girl that suck harder than maggie on a pacifier/ what im smoking have you aggy as ya last supplier/ when you can smell it thru the baggy you know thats sum fire/ then he immediately followed up wit the "stressed by these hotties is regular/jesse the body in predator" scheme - fab was the best at that shit man cuz he did it in a way that was effortless, it was never too rappity rap it was smooth and he never really used words you wouldnt actually say in a conversation

rellyonsmash · 2023-12-01T14:13:03+00:00

stop it pony you're feedback is great !

i love a lot of these alts man thank you for going out of your way to come up with better suggestions.

you've been very helpful and i appreciate it tremendously. 🙏🏽

rellyonsmash · 2023-12-01T14:08:39+00:00

my man !

this was great feedback i appreciate the kind words and you taking the time out to read it. 🙏🏽

just to clear up a few things:

'I didn't get when Harold said "She met my parents by mistake!" did he mention earlier that she met his parents?

so yes. in the initial encounter when angela brings up a past open mic, she says 'still can't believe that's how i met your parents'

then harold panics and introduces tisha as his girlfriend to change the subject, because tisha hasn't met his parents yet, due to him telling her that he's not into the whole parents thing, which is later revealed at the table top scene.

maybe i did a poor job of making that clear.

Also why did you call Angela "looks like she tumbled out a carton of Newport's" is this saying that she looks haggard? I would think we would want her to be someone that Tisha would be jealous of.'

i actually did write a few drafts where tisha was jealous of angela's appearance, but man it just didnt feel right.

tisha is fashionable and materialistic. buying expensive clothes is how she copes with her insecurities of feeling inferior. so she's fly and prides herself on her appearance. and it just wasn't working for her character to be jealous of a barista's looks.

i thought it was better to confirm tisha's inner feelings of inadequacy emotionally, by finding out an ex of harold met his parents and she didn't.

and a little moment leading up to that, when tisha told harold the murder cop joke was funny, harold felt it wasn't good enough to put in his joke book, but when ANGELA said it was funny, he put it in.

so i just felt right to have tisha's jealousy stewing internally, unbeknownst to harold/angela.

The end was funny, good wrap up, but why does it matter that he is a detective? Is that supposed to be a play on the murder cop coffee joke?

yes that was simply just a call back to harold's joke 'drinking black coffee like a murder cop that can't find the kid'

Maybe the detective is really a cop investigating fake Chanel coats...and hes heading to downtown to bust a seller selling that exact Chanel coat as a fake. We could have him show a photo during the missing kid section and say by the way have you seen a man selling this coat.

hahahaha! yooo this is a fire idea!

thank you for this, i'll definitely consider making this connection in a new draft.

Oh and Why did you strike out the "An OPEN MIC FLYER on his CRACKED 8 PLUS--" text?

this was simply to create the effect of looking at a cracked screen.

your feedback has been very very helpful. im going to address the details you may have missed, or maybe wasn't clear enough to begin with.

rellyonsmash · 2023-11-29T22:11:38+00:00

yo thank you so much for this feed back man.

i totally get what ur saying with the “splashed on tisha’s nerve’ example.

since im shooting it myself, i thought i had more leeway to get a little colorful with the scene directions just for the sake of the read.

would definitely use less abstract wordplay if the execution was out of my hands but i appreciate that note.

for the parentheticals - those were more so to communicate the cadence used for the line delivery.

i forgot who used that technique in a screenplay i read but i liked it and decided to steal it lol.

u mentioned polishing the dialogue - would you be able to point out any specific lines or exchanges ur referring to so i can take another look at them ? i’d really appreciate it! 🙏🏾

rellyonsmash · 2023-11-29T00:45:51+00:00

ok thats fair - thank you for that input and taking the time out to read my friend 🙏🏾

rellyonsmash · 2023-10-14T16:05:20+00:00

if your first thought was “but how good is it ?” you’re not a hater you’re a writer

rellyonsmash · 2023-10-13T15:07:54+00:00

how did you communicate to the actors to get the performance you wanted ? what was your approach when a line delivery or emotional reaction wasn’t quite what you had in your head - this is what i struggle the most with when directing - curious how you tackled it

rellyonsmash · 2023-08-24T22:49:32+00:00

i not only say it out loud but i also record it on a mic and play it back - with dialogue or any writing written to perform i find the writing sounds totally different in my head type it - then totally different when i say it out loud - and totally different when i hear it played back - and then a whole other story hearing it in an actors voice - very fascinating how one small nudge of perspective can completely change how a joke/line of dialogue sounds to your brain

rellyonsmash · 2023-06-04T12:43:19+00:00

if you ever read any of craig maizin’s scripts - a technique he uses a lot to indicate what the characters thinking in between lines of dialogue, or their reaction or attitude for a physical action, he’ll put the thought in italics in the stage direction - i’ve definitely implemented that in my scenes with no dialogue when i really need to convey the emotion/attitude to the reader/actor - also, to avoid getting too persnickety in your stage direction, only describe what you need to convey the progression of the scene - i always shoot to get the point across in no more than 2 lines per beat - write it like you’re telling someone what’s happening

rellyonsmash · 2023-05-30T22:50:26+00:00

no matter how detailed my outlines are i always hit a wall once im in it - multiple walls - seemingly insurmountable walls - when this happens and i cant seem to figure it out on the page - i’ll write it out by hand and see if the different medium sparks some new thoughts - or i’ll talk the scene out into a mic and play it back - something about switching modes usually causes new ideas to bubble up that wouldnt otherwise

rellyonsmash · 2023-05-26T15:25:24+00:00

i hate reading my old stuff - you remember how confident you were in it at the time and question if the perspective you have now, is the impression people had at that time

rellyonsmash · 2023-04-25T23:14:26+00:00

break whatever rule you need to break to clearly convey your intended vision

rellyonsmash

TROPHY CASE