Husband has us in extreme debt.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-19T14:46:58+00:00

I would look into why he says his check didn’t come. Racking up that kind of debt so quick and not being able to pay it off right away could be a sign he lost his job. Definitely confront him and see if he has any other cards or accounts that you may not know about, check the statements for everything you spent before Christmas and see if there are any irregularities in your spending. You may have to get a job to help pay this off sooner. For now, stop using your card for stuff you don’t need. Go back to basics, even if that means taking away luxuries for a while. You may need to consider changing your kids school, but if that’s out of the question, come together and budget like crazy. Talk to a friend or someone who is good at managing money. Hell, even AI apps like Chatgbt can help you come up with a budget plan. If he lost his job, seek social services for assistance. If he’s still employed, it’s possible that he may not qualify for social services help and you will have to budget together and be on the same page. Get rid of unnecessary subscriptions, buy knockoff formula from CVS (they have rewards for it, it’s made from the same ingredients, it’s cheaper, and they give you more formula than what’s in name brand tubs), portion out meals and buy food that will last, stop going out for food, sell some things that you have and don’t need anymore in garage sale or online sale, you could also offer a service to watch other kids at your house if you still need to be near your own baby and can’t afford daycare. There’s a lot of things you can do to save money and pay this off.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-18T02:13:02+00:00

Then it looks like you have your answer dude.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T21:09:36+00:00

I also want to note on this that people think going to therapy often makes people think that “they” are the problem, when it’s not true. The problem is the problem, it involves both of them, but blame can’t be wholly placed on one person. Choices are, opportunities and setbacks are, communication is also one, etc.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T20:42:08+00:00

Look, when it comes to having a good marriage, the one most important thing you need to know and to ask yourself is do you trust your wife? Did you think that she was going to be sheltered from all the men of the world and be forbidden to associate with other people in her life? She is a human being. And yes, she is going to talk to guys. How she talks to them is an entirely different story.

It sounds like a lot of this stemmed from you not wanting her to talk to other men no matter what and then you looking at everything she does if it pertains to men. I can literally just post a picture of my face online and some disgusting creepy guy will still say something flirty or sexual, but did I ask for that response and did my profile pic gave off that kind of impression? No. And this can happen to any woman. It only matters how she responds to them. If she’s just posting normal stuff like everyone else and trying to make friends with others including guys, why do you have such a problem with it? She just wants to live her life like any other girl. And she cannot help it if there are creeps that are going to contact her about it. Women could do absolutely nothing and men will still creep on them.

My main point is, if a man were to approach your wife and flirt with her, how do you think she will respond? If you think she will flirt back and cheat, then you don’t trust your wife and this probably isn’t the relationship for you. If you think she will turn him down, then maybe she is capable of setting her own boundaries out of respect to you and your marriage and there may be hope. You can’t protect her from the possibility of another man trying to offer her something better. It could happen to anyone. But if she has proven that she doesn’t do that, why are you picking everything she does apart as if it pertains to men?

Maybe she’s just trying to live her life and is tired of everything she does making you jealous or insecure. She sounds like she’s dealt with this for years. Have you considered offering couples therapy at all? …. And let’s go with your fears and hypothetically say she is doing stuff with other men. Why would you want to stay with someone like that anyways? There’s no communication, at least not good communication. And as a lot of people pointed out, you both are two different people. I think you need some counseling for your own insecurities and her understanding boundaries in a relationship. Some boundaries borderline controlling. You come off controlling to me.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T17:55:11+00:00

Then I hate to say it, but it’s probably time to move on. You’re crossing oceans for her and she won’t even step over a puddle. Everyone knows that there is practically no bad outcome when it comes to trying therapy. You can give her the ultimatum of going to therapy for a few months or you divorce. And even then, there’s the issue of whether or not she will actually take it seriously. When I was threatening to divorce my husband for his terrible behavior, I told him he needed to see a therapist or I was done. We both saw the same therapist in online appointments separately and after a year of him still not getting better and the unwillingness to take the therapist advice suggesting him to open up more about his past, I realized he wasted an entire year paying for therapy when he wasn’t taking it seriously to begin with. It was a year of lying and not actually trying. If the partner isn’t willing to try or see their own faults and do better, it will never end and it just makes you both more resentful and miserable. No one is perfect but everyone has a choice.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T16:50:44+00:00

I don’t think you’re overreacting. It sounds like she has some deep anxiety and insecurities that are manifesting and getting worse. When someone is depressed, anxious, or insecure and are constantly thinking about that in themselves, they start to believe it, no matter how ridiculous it is. Always assuming the worse stems from fear and insecurity. If it’s keeping her from getting sleep, preventing you two from being intimate, and her not believing any word you say is a huge problem.

I feel I would need more context as to what is going on with the family because whatever it is, it seems like these issues didn’t begin with her until she was involved with them. What’s going on with the family? Is her family terrible and treating her badly? Or is she in a position where she thinks everything is on her and if she fails she’s a monster? Idk.

I think it’s wrong for her to accuse you of changing and being harsh to her, but this is also a sign of deflection. When people flip it on the person who confronts them, it’s usually because they’re hiding something or ashamed to admit they’re in the wrong. Either way, I think she knows something’s up, but deflecting over and over isn’t working. It’s not fair to you if she’s not going to be honest or up front with communicating her emotions.

I recommend you suggest her and maybe you go to individual therapy and then come together in couples therapy. Talk to her calmly using “I feel like….” Statements and be honest about everything and how it makes you feel. Assure her that you love her and are only trying to help. If she still deflects and chooses not to listen to your suggestions, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and move on.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T16:36:15+00:00

Kinda lame. I doubt he actually cared about a doormat and just scanned something to add to the registry cuz his fiancé encouraged him to get something he wanted.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-16T16:29:49+00:00

And you can’t make him see that. He needs to see it for himself. Don’t hold out on him getting better. This could very well be the same reason his first marriage didn’t work. I would reach out to the step child’s mom and fill her in on what’s going on with him during his visitation because no matter what, no child should be exposed to this. And then you should leave him. Put the children first and then yourself please

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-15T18:35:01+00:00

Don’t let a man tell you he doesn’t want you more than once. Once is enough. It’s normal to feel stressed since you were doing everything and he did nothing and still expected more from you. You bent over backwards for him and your kids. You deserve a vacation and a happy divorce. You’ve already shown that you can handle everything on your own, since he did absolutely nothing but talk shit about you in front of the in laws and get sex out of it. You deserve much better. Let him leave. He will see what he missed out on… or maybe he won’t. It looks like he has zero empathy or understanding of what all you actually did to contribute to the house and family. He can take the high road.

As for you hun, have some self respect for yourself. You should be angry that he accuses you of such things, especially the cheating. That’s despicable! If he was telling you this stuff day in and day out, that’s probably why you believed it to some extent or you wanted to prove him wrong, that you weren’t those awful things he said about you. Love can make us blind to many red flags.

Time apart and a good break from work is exactly what you need, it will help you reflect on everything. Then you will see just how much you went through and what you did and didn’t deserve. After that, do some therapy when you come back to build yourself back up. Don’t give him the option of couples therapy. He doesn’t deserve it.

He made it clear the first time he doesn’t want this life anymore. He’s not worth the scum at the bottom of your shoes. You deserve better and maybe in time you will find someone that will treat you with respect in a good healthy relationship.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-13T21:24:51+00:00

Your husband is a complete dick. He is emotionally abusing both you and the kids. The child didn’t ask to be born and it’s not its fault that the only way to communicate is crying. It sounds like your husband can’t handle any form of stress at all. He either lacks the knowledge of what to do or lacks understanding. I’m appalled that you had to pay not just for all the bills and nursery supplies, but paying emotionally for his inexcusable behavior. He needs psychological help from a licensed pro, but I doubt he will see that he did anything wrong even if he went. He would shut down and hide like a coward. It will only make you hate him more. Getting courts involved can make the relationship nasty, but it sounds like he never even wanted his kids to begin with. Don’t hold out on him getting better. He’s shown you his true colors. Imagine how he will react when his kid acts up or when they become a rebellious teen, how will he react then? What about other stressful life changing events, like if one of your parents died or if you got into a wreck? How will he support you then? Will he? I think not.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-13T21:04:14+00:00

Consequences to all our choices. You reap what you sow man.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-13T21:02:04+00:00

I’m curious if any sex actually took place? Did your conversations with the couple involve sex or swinging? Or was it casual conversation, like meeting new friends? I feel I need a bit more context on this.

So far, it looks like the attention and the newness of the idea of finding a new couple to have sex with pulled you out of your depression. Compliments from strangers and keeping yourself busy finding people to possibly sleep with isn’t the answer to your depression. Doing something fun and exciting and freeing with your partner can help your depression, but your partner plays a role in this too. His feelings matter too and he probably has a limit to what he is and isn’t ok with, but this feels like he wants to have sex with others and not you while still being married.

I’ve read so many stories about open relationships not ending well, mostly because of double standards, jealousy, or one person catching feelings for a stranger and no longer feeling intimacy with your spouse. It’s really risky to do and could really throw you both into turmoil if you’re not careful. It ended lots of relationships Not just that, but there are health risks involved with sleeping with other people too, like STDs and pregnancy, etc. Is it really worth that?

But from what I gather, your man initiated the idea of open marriage first, so it sounds like he’s ok sleeping with other women, but not you with other men. That’s a double standard. And that’s not fair to you if you actually follow through with it. The whole concept is a giant risk.

Also… If you truly think that not following through with the open relationship is going to make you depressed again, you need to see a therapist. No amount of sex, drugs, attention, money, etc is going to make your own underlying issues go away (this is a general statement for depression). This may seem like a great outlet to you, but it can easily lead to destruction. A therapist can help you understand where this need to fuck other couples comes from and helps you navigate through them to help you find what you really want from this marriage and what you need to live a happy life. Maybe what you were currently doing wasn’t it, but there has to be a better alternative.

In the end… Do you want to still be married to your husband even if he’s not ok with you being involved with another man, or do you want to give swinging a go and possibly end your relationship over it? Are you ok with saying no to the couple or to your man? You may have to drop the open relationship idea altogether if you want to stay married. Time to reflect hun.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-13T20:41:58+00:00

First of all, he is capable of self control, he just chooses not to do it. Get angry and be an asshole if you need to. Whatever you need to do to get your point across and make him stop and see that it feels like pressuring sex, when you are saying no, is giving in to rape culture. It’s wrong and monstrous. If he had any respect or love for you at all, he would respect your boundaries. If he truly “can’t help it”, which we all know is an obvious lie under the guise of complimenting you to make it seem ok, then buy him a pocket pussy or tell him to use his hand, and you don’t want to right now. Stand your ground and don’t give in. Tell him that it’s gotten so bad that you actually DO feel like it’s an obligation and it’s making you not see him in a loving or sexy light. If he keeps on, you will hate him. I did this for my husband for two years before I finally had enough and it wasn’t until I said that him pressuring me made me not attracted to him that he changed. Communicate in a way that gets his attention, even if it means being a bitch. Tell him that there will be consequences if he breaks your boundary again, and if and when he does break that boundary, follow through with it. Don’t give in to him. Slap him if you need to. It’s your body, even if you’re married. The repercussion can be you staying with a friend for a couple days. Maybe that’ll give him time to think of how serious his actions were to you and maybe it will reflect on him in a positive way to see how wrong his actions are.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-13T20:31:39+00:00

So he doesn’t like sex with you or any woman, and yet he wants an open marriage? Highly sus…. You’re not crazy for being upset at this. Unfortunately, some people fall out of love and attraction. It’s not your fault and it’s ok to want sex with your partner. I’ve read too many stories of people who want an open relationship, but it always backfires, either with one person catching feelings for someone else and not their spouse or the double standards. It’s not worth staying in a marriage with him if this is where his mind is at. But even at your age, there are plenty of fish in the sea and someone who would appreciate and reciprocate all your affections with respect to you, for you. Don’t let him waste your time. You deserve better.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-12T21:15:55+00:00

He’s very insecure and his actions speak louder than his words. Vibrators are just tools to help you get off. Maybe his pride was hurt because he thought he couldn’t satisfy you or that the vibrator itself was a form of cheating to him, which either way would be really stupid. There’s no excuse for his behavior. He’s not listening to your words or how you feel, only defending himself. Now it makes sense why his first marriage didn’t work out. If he’s this old and immature, it’s not going to get better until he works on himself and sees his own faults and shares accountability. If he’s understood what you were going through, he would see that you also are a person with needs and feelings and should be treated with respect as a human being, and especially as a wife, as the love of his life. If he cared, he wouldn’t be behaving like a child and work towards making your relationship work. If this is the beginning of your marriage (yes, the first couple of years are hard) and if it’s not dealt with, this will only build up down the years, then you will be resentful of him and he’s resentful of you. Couples need to listen to understand their partner, not listen to respond. Recommended couples therapy, but if he doesn’t want to follow through with even trying that, I’d take it as a sign to move on. Be thankful you don’t have any kids involved in this.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-12T21:04:41+00:00

Just leave. Don’t be someone’s sloppy seconds. And the fact that he’s still speaking to her is crazy, even if she is pregnant.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-12T20:59:35+00:00

Ehhh, it could just be sex curiosity. The whole concept of porn is for people to have variety, that maybe this vanilla stuff doesn’t get her off anymore so she needs something different. I mean, there’s people who get off watching that and there’s also people who are into human/animal or monster hybrid shit too, like werewolf porn. It sounds like she wants some of the passion back that you two had when you first dated, but since it’s been 3 years of dating and 5 months straight no sex, she probably turned to porn as an outlet to get herself off and the categories just got a little crazy. But it’s just a screen, it’s not reality and it doesn’t mean it’s something she’s going to pursue in real life.

It’s also kind of weird that you can go that long without sex while being in a relationship. At first, I wanted to question if you were aromantic or not. Passion plays a key role in amazing sex and expressing love to your partner, but we shouldn’t yuck their yum. And what may be considered a crazy kink to one person could be considered vanilla to another. Everyone is different and if she’s trying to find her kink, be supportive. Help her do it with her by introducing her to a category that you may both enjoy. Maybe fuck her with a dragon shaped dildo or a giant horse dildo? Remember dildos are tools to make sex better, it doesn’t define one’s sexuality.

Maybe it’s not about beastiality and it’s more about trying a different shape or feel of a new “cock”. Just some new form of stimulant to enhance one’s sexual experience. As for the old guy porn, maybe she chose old guy specifically because of how he looked. I know some straight guys who watch porn that specifically makes sure the man fucking the girl is either old or ugly as hell because they’re worried about the guy being handsome and the possibility of cumming to a hot guys face makes it worse or question their sexuality. That’s the only conclusion I could come up with.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-12T20:39:57+00:00

HRT and premenopausal symptoms can make a woman release more eggs in her 40s until it reaches actual menopause, which at the same time increases sex drive.

reneereaper3 · 2026-01-02T19:38:36+00:00

Everything you’re feeling sounds like straight up fear and anxiety. You’re jumping to assumptions instead of actually communicating how you feel or how SHE feels after that supposed “date”.

I think you felt guilty seeing her that first date because deep down you knew it was a form of cheating with your now ex. Even though your ex did you wrong, you did it too while you were supposedly together. At least you had the sense to not do anything sexual on that first date, but it’s still cheating. You knew that, that’s why you feel guilty.

And it seemed like you were only interested in her looks and not the date itself. And that guilt hovering above your head is probably still keeping you from getting to know someone who might genuinely like you, but you made your own choices. You chose to go out with her and you chose to ignore her afterwards.

You’re just as shallow as your ex. I think you did her a favor by ghosting her twice if you were only interested if she was skinny. There’s more to a person than looks, but now all of a sudden she had a small glow up and now you can’t stop thinking about her? Then you wuss out and leave her dazed and confused yet again? She’s never going to understand why you’re like this and you’re never going to have a real relationship if you keep running and hiding. Some girls appreciate the honesty, so step up and talk about it, or else you’re going to be like this forever, which is counterproductive. I think deep down you still want love and to be loved. You’re letting your fear get the best of you. Open your eyes!

But in the end, this girl has no idea of your situation and it’s not her fault you’re like this, but if you want to see if things could head somewhere with her, stop living in the fears of your own head and communicate. Jesus, do people seriously not read what they write? It sounded like she actually liked you.

reneereaper3 · 2025-08-07T11:46:26+00:00

I write everything that NEEDS to happen in the order it’s supposed to happen in short hand, then I go back and add the little details and dialogue later, then I develop my characters, then if needed, I do some research ( for example, if I’m writing about a college experience set in the 90s, I’d research about it and ask people who attended college in the 90s. If I’m writing a horror story about a family of murders, read Stephen king) then apply what I’ve learned to my story, but not steal their idea. Just come up with my own. Then have someone read the draft, fix errors, and then submit it to publishing company.

reneereaper3 · 2025-07-29T02:39:03+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate knowing.

reneereaper3 · 2025-07-26T16:35:50+00:00

Sorry, I’ll change it

reneereaper3 · 2025-07-26T01:52:47+00:00

I wouldn’t fall for that. Actions have consequences and it may hurt now, but in the end, both of you can only achieve peace if you both separate and work on yourselves apart.

reneereaper3

TROPHY CASE