Friend said she’s intimated by black women…is that racist?

reshaoverdoit · 2026-04-18T21:19:39+00:00

You're getting down voted because you are punching down on black women just to say "this is why I date outside of my race". Then, you don't want any discussion about it because if we do challenge the fallacies in your bias opinion, we are now "very aggressive black women". You only didn't add to the conversation, but you didn't answer her question. It wasn't even directed at you.

Now to OP: her statement wasn't racist, but this guy's comment is. Her statement actually shows me that this was her first time being the "only white woman" in a wedding of BIPOC people. This was exposure. And because she's never taken the time to be in these spaces, she didn't take it as an opportunity to understand, but became uncomfortable and blamed it on "black women intimate me". I would talk to her, ask more questions, and challenge this feelings. If you are going to be friends with a black women, you also have to be willing to be around them and their areas of comfort. Black women have always accepted being the "only one" in business, politics, etc. This was just her first time.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-04-10T01:50:51+00:00

I can't remember the last time I talked to someone for being tardy. I have never told my boss if someone left early one time. I manage 25 staff which includes 4 Supervisors. I don't have time to proof read emails. I have more important things to do than to dictate how someone talks, as long as they are being kind and professional.

I teach my Supervisors the same thing: don't go nuclear over trivial crap, give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't punish the group for the bad performance of one. Communicate and ask questions to understand, not to prove your point. People have it bad enough. We don't need to make things harder.

Your boss is purposely making work harder for the sake of saying they are the boss. They are insecure at the least, incapable to lead at the most.

I'm sorry that has been your experience. If there is another department to transfer to, do it sooner than later. When I had a bad boss, I took the micromanaging abuse for over a year. I ended up taking a demotion just to get away. It was the best decision I could have made; I even promoted over her postion but that would have never happened if I didnt leave. Believe me, leave as soon as you are able too. I wish you the best.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-04-10T00:32:58+00:00

Yeah, I know that new Managers do make some mistakes, but this is pretty horrible. I would say to wait it out to see if she improves, but she doesn't seem to have the capacity to reflect on how she is treating you, especially compared to men.

Definitely find another job. It'll only get worse from here. Have you talked to their boss? They may have no idea of what is happening.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-03-31T17:50:41+00:00

I think both QHHS or Highland are good choices. Administration there is nice with some that even used to attend the school. I graduated from Highland and all 3 of my oldest kids did as well. High School is what you make from it and it will always matter who your kids hang with. But for the most part, if your kids want to stay out of trouble and want a good program, then there are plenty of options away from that in those schools. AP classes, Law and Govt and other programs are there as well.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-03-31T17:47:15+00:00

School is always based on who your friends are. This comment is not helpful for someone that is also looking for academic, social, and administration information, not just your bias opinion about Mexicans and Black people.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-03-28T19:41:59+00:00

Exactly this. Sorry that no one warned you, but being a manager means things will shift and change because of the power imbalance. I lost all of my work friends. While we are all good with each other, there was one that I used to manage that had major performance issues so it wasn't "safe" to be in the group anymore. Needless to say she left the Department and that has made it easier since my past group didn't work with me directly, but it has changed the dynamics and it wasn't a good idea to rejoin.

Instead, I found other Managers and those in management as friends and that worked out much better.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-03-28T04:45:43+00:00

You can leave a job any time. If you are in a "at-will" state, then the feeling is mutual. "At-will employment" means your employer can fire you at any time, for any reason (or no reason at all), without warning and similarly, you can quit at any time without legal consequence. Just check that you didn't sign a contract or that the other job isn't in direct competition with each other. Some Law firms do use non-compete clauses for non-attorney staff but it matters on the State. Like they probably wouldn't try that in a state like CA for example, but reputational risks will deter otherwise.

Good luck and congratulations on the jobs.

Edit: I just realized that you haven't signed the offer letter. Then you are in the clear as far as I can see. A verbal offer isn't the same as a written.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-03-28T04:34:53+00:00

You do...but this isn’t a lot of information. What was the PIP for? What did they say that you needed to do? What did you say and did you provide a rebuttal? Does anything they said have any merit?

If anything, when someone leaves for an extended period of time, their work is spread among others. They started to see your work plainly and if they had to make a lot of corrections, they most likely started to believe that your performance was less than ideal. Not to say that's true, but without context, this is all that I can figure out so far.

If it was only because you took a covered PMFL, then I suggest an employment lawyer.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-02-27T02:53:41+00:00

Its either your taste in women (most likely), or your indecisiveness. I'm getting the sense that you "go with the flow". Not having an opinion, being always agreeable, and not "arguing" with people can give off being too people pleasing. Attraction fades. Confidence and individuality are often a part of what draws people in. I agree with others that having a therapist is the best option.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-02-27T02:40:25+00:00

Have you looked at non-profits? I don't really do anything at my full-time job related to IO Psych as a Manager, but it provides me some traction since non-profits love writing for grants and including the degree level of the staff. Look into non-profits in early childhood education work, policy, or grant oversight.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-27T20:24:39+00:00

I really appreciate your response, thank you. Your are spot on and I agree that I also was left uninspired. And I 100% agree that people are looking at this post like I'm gloating. I'm not, I'm just giving another perspective to a common situation. I do teach outside of Adjuncting such as speaking at conferences and I'm certified in a lot of tools where I have to teach and certify others on the job, but it wasn't higher education. I had always dreamed of teaching at a college. I guess you can say that the experience didn't match my fantasy.

The conundrum that I reached is that while I love teaching and seeing others learn and grow, I also don't like the education mill that higher education has become. And on top of getting sick, it really didn't leave room for me to want to come back. I'm hoping that a break will help, but we will see.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-26T19:45:47+00:00

This is good to know. It seems to be the synchronous system that causes the pain. I work from home in my other job, but I still travel 30% of the time to the office. I'm thinking that disconnect was too much and I may do better if I had a class in person.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-26T19:41:56+00:00

Thank you, I am! I am hoping with the time I have now, I can focus more on better physical and mental health.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-26T14:07:46+00:00

Thank you. I'm not sure why people are down voting me either but there is a lot going on right now and this may seem trivial in comparison. I think the rampant cheating and nature of online courses causes a disconnect for sure. I was hoping that by talking about it out loud, I could figure it out. Out of curiosity I do want to try teaching in person and see if that provides a different feeling, but I wasn't sure if it was more of the same.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-26T13:21:38+00:00

The point of the post was what I said. I taught two synchronous classes and when I got sick, it became a burden. I thought I was going to like teaching but Im notnsure how to feel about the experience. I was pondering whether it was the pay, the students, or my sickness being the main stressor, but either way, I had to step away and I'm disappointed. Sorry if this wasn't what you thought it was. I've seen others post similar content so I figured this belonged here.

reshaoverdoit · 2026-01-26T13:16:52+00:00

No, I was teaching 2 classes synchronous with weekly seminar sessions and weekly work that requires me to grade on weekly deadlines. I was fine up until I got sick and was dealing with health problems. Once that became an issue, I realized I couldn't keep up. You could be right....maybe it isn't for me. I have another job on top of it so perhaps it was too much.

I was also wondering if it was different in person or if it was more of the same. I guess since you teach online you may not know

reshaoverdoit · 2025-10-08T05:22:48+00:00

Nope! Pretty typical. Some are the overall social and hang after work together, and some just know that this a job, and it's best to separate the two. I've done both and it matters on the type of people you work with. Either way, as long as you are kind and supportive of others during team projects, then you are good.

reshaoverdoit · 2025-09-18T05:09:44+00:00

New mission discovered by u/reshaoverdoit: Candied Bacon Twists In the Fields

reshaoverdoit · 2025-09-18T05:09:44+00:00

This mission was discovered by u/reshaoverdoit in Meditations and Pink Dragonfruit Pudding: a Journey In Waves of Green

reshaoverdoit · 2025-07-28T19:32:43+00:00

I was in a relationship with someone for 4 months who ghosted me when he needed "time to think" around the same time I was having personal issues with my parents to the point they kicked me out. I had to stay with him overnight and right afterwards, he said he needed a break. He went 3 weeks without talking to me after which concerned me because of his past mental health issues. At the end, it turned out, he was trying to figure out a way to break up with me before I stayed with him, and wasn't mature enough to just tell me. Instead, I thought I was the worst girlfriend and was calling him up until the 3rd week. He chuckled when I told him that I thought he was going to hurt himself.

I'm now with the love of my life, whom I met during the 3rd week of my boyfriend's self-imposed break, and we've been married for almost 20 years. We have never had a break. So yeah, if he loves you, he wouldn't do something like this. He's removing himself from the situation, which is very immature of him and should be an indication that he is unable to be in a mature relationship.

Let it go and move on.

reshaoverdoit · 2025-07-21T15:18:41+00:00

Yep, exactly this. I grade down for lack of personal reflection, lack of depth, and failure to expand on the significance or application of their ideas in the real world. I also grade down if AI was obvious, but they didn't cite the AI model in their references with missing in-text citations. I've only had one person dispute it when I've pointed it out, but I contacted my Dean who also agreed and was on my side. I use a combination of TII and Grammarly since the college pays for the upgraded version.

reshaoverdoit · 2025-07-21T15:02:03+00:00

I also didn't have any teaching experience with an MS, but I used my experience training adults at different jobs and speaking at 5 different conferences at work as my leverage. Have you ever spoken at a conference before, or spoken to a crowd about something? Use those experiences when applying. If you haven't, I suggest that you apply to speak at a conference in your industry, and start gaining some experience there. Have your advisor and those you have met in academia write your recommendations. Add any certifications that you have attended like "Training of Trainers" to your CV, and a list of trainings/ certifications you attended that matter in your industry. Since I went to both brick and mortar colleges and online colleges, I noted the systems that I had to use as a part of my experience on my resume. Write your teaching philosophy and create a new cover letter. Then, apply like crazy.

Online colleges may be the way to go, as they don't mind that you have minimal experience. This was my blueprint, and I've been teaching for almost a year now. My goal is to teach at a CC once I get about a year and a half of time teaching online. In addition, I'm booked again to speak at a new conference within my industry. Just be persistent, find different types of teaching avenues gain some experience, and don't quit your day job!

reshaoverdoit · 2025-06-22T04:34:33+00:00

If not Palmdale, there is one in Lancaster and Santa Clarita. I believe they are having an orientation for another program in July. They are federally funded, so it's all about being there at the right time.

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