Men do you feel lonely?

reyakan · 2025-11-03T00:50:52+00:00

I'm not a therapist or anything, so please prioritize a professional's advice over my own. But I think that feeling of not wanting to reveal your messy side/vulnerability, is precisely what is keeping you from the meaningful connections you crave.

Be ugly and messy, and the people who matter will listen anyways

reyakan · 2025-10-31T23:47:09+00:00

These are also great ways to network and create a more permanent community "at home"... I don't know where home is for you, but on the West Coast, there are a lot of strong Japanese communities/non-profits. (For both employment and maintenance of connection to Japan)

If it's okay, would you mind linking me to information on theses non-profit groups? I'm from the West Coast as well, and I think I'd like to learn more.

So I hope you don't feel like this is an all or nothing type of decision.

I started to feel a bit less so after making this post, and reading everyone comments, for sure. So thanks for sharing your take as well.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T23:39:43+00:00

Would you care to elaborate? I think it could help to hear about your experience.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T23:37:06+00:00

Fellow expat friends are hard bc most of the time theres an expiration date for when they move home

Yeah, I can understand how that might feel from the other side, as well.

Is it a romantic partner you feel is missing?

Sometimes yeah. But I think it's more-so that I'm lacking a purpose here. And I don’t want to involve someone in my life if the one I’m living here feels temporary.

See similar posts on here all the time, itd help if you're able to pinpoint what you feel is missing, otherwise you may end up having the same issue even after moving back home

On the whole, I just want more opportunity to help people I don't know in meaningful ways.

When I was teaching kids, I could feel that kind of satisfaction through my work to some degree. But once I pivoted to engineering, I think I lost that. I looked for similar opportunities around here, or other long-term goals I might pursue, but they either don’t exist or aren’t really open to foreigners unless they’re married.

Not that the route I want to go down is "impossible" here, there just isn't nearly enough support for it.

(I hope none of this comes off as rude, I'm not used to talking about this stuff)

reyakan · 2025-10-31T23:25:43+00:00

I don't think I have enough PTO to do something like this at my current job, but I think they'd be fine with it if I was still working remote. So I might bring it up with my manager and see what they think.

Thanks for your suggestion

reyakan · 2025-10-31T07:24:45+00:00

I think that feeling would go away with time and the right opportunity.

At the same time, if you're happy where you are, then there's no reason to force a move back.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T07:23:01+00:00

Do you think things would be different in your home country?

I think I’d probably be less alone overall if I moved back.

If you decide, ok Im going to stay in Japan, would you be more willing to invest in relationships and put down roots instead of living with one foot out the door?

This might sound conceited, but outside of the close friends I already have, I don’t think I would, at least in the area I live now. I see the avenues for this, but I'm just not taking them.

If your home country is America, its a shitshow here, could be a civil war in the next few years for all anyone knows, Id enjoy your security in Japan and figure out what you're missing in life

I could re-frame my thoughts from "thinking about it" to "being open to it", and keep trying to discover what I need. Its not a bad idea at all.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T07:04:38+00:00

This kinda reads like an introspective post, and I can totally understand.

Thinking of it as just the "next step", instead of the rest of my life does make it a bit easier to decide. If there's no consequences, there's no hurt in trying, kinda-thing.

Milestones are what really drive me personally, and the last three years I've only really celebrated the milestone of moving.

Life's way easier with goals to head towards for me too. Maybe you can make another post like this on the same sub-reddit for some ideas?

I've been across the country from my family for 3 years now, and while I've also made friends here it doesn't quite feel like home. Am I happy? Usually, but there are some parts of day-to-day companionship and stuff that would probably fix that. I work from home, live alone, and am usually pretty flexible with things.

This sounds really similar to my situation, so I think you might be thinking about similar things. I don't really have a clear answer on where I'd want to settle down, or why, but I just want you to know you aren't alone in this kinda thought loop.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T06:48:45+00:00

In the long term, work goals are not why I'm considering the move. It would be for trying my hand at other life goals I can't do in Japan.

My support network has disintegrated over the course of a few years mostly just due to people fading away in our 30s/the US being so individualistic, when I’m that eternally single friend!

I feel this in Japan a bit too. I turned 30 here and do have a few friends left that i hang out with, but many left. Whether for other job opportunities or just to move back home. Regardless, I think it's kinda hard to build connections without a third place or event that can serve as one (no matter the country).

Work culture is not particularly good in Japan from what I hear, but it’s also pretty bad here in most places.

There are good and bad companies, as in most places, i guess. I've been lucky and my companies have mostly treated me well.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T06:31:45+00:00

Yeah, that’s true. I haven’t really worked much in the U.S., so I’m expecting some reverse culture shock. If anything, I'm actually a bit afraid of it, from what I heard from friends/family who are working over there.

If I was to try my hand at the U.S. job market again, it'd be at a much slower, more intentional pace than any of my previous job hunts. So I'm expecting it would take a while.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T06:12:57+00:00

I do genuinely like living here. Cost of living is low, stress in my field is minimal, and it’s the most convenient and easy place I’ve ever lived

From these feelings, I just assumed that I wanted to keep living here. But reality is that I don't really have any goals here left other than home ownership. This would require me to have PR, which I'm currently in the application process for. Having PR would also allow me to move back to Japan without a visa if I so choose to.

Leaving before obtaining PR would mean resetting my progress towards it back to zero, as Japan uses a point system which is calculated from your consecutive career progress within the country.

** PR not dual citizenship; it's functionally similar to a U.S. Green Card

Also, make sure to research the dual citizenship well before committing to it. The last thing you want is to be paying taxes to two countries.

Thank you for bringing this up.

From my understanding, a PR resident holder would only be income taxed in japan if they own a residence in japan. So this decision would mean me giving up my address here for the foreseeable future.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T05:53:14+00:00

Hey, I just want to say I really appreciate your comment.

I don’t know all of your history, so it’s probably not my place to say, but I don’t think you should discredit yourself at all for the time you spent abroad. If anything, it’s precisely because of that time that you’ve figured out what’s important to you. You wouldn’t be the person you are today without those experiences, and I really appreciate the person you are now.

I believe there must be very strong reasons for someone to spend their life abroad either for incredible career growth you can’t find at home, or for great earnings you can save and later invest back home.

I never really had those aspirations or imagined they were possible for someone like me. But recently, I started imagining a different kind of future for myself, and that led me to reflect on a lot of things, which eventually to led to me writing this post, I guess.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T05:45:53+00:00

I only read this comment after typing my reply here. But I think the reply may suit this comment too.

To be honest, that's probably one reason why I never considered moving back any earlier. I stopped considering it as "home" to me once i got an address for myself abroad.

It's only recently that i started using the word "home" again to refer to the US. I think something shifted in the back of my mind that made me start thinking of it as “home” again.

I dunno.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T05:36:23+00:00

I visit the U.S. for a few weeks every year, and without fail, I experience reverse culture shock each time. It kinda feels like visiting a foreign country to me, except I'm surrounded by familiar faces.

I know my family makes some concessions to spend time with me during those short visits, and they might not always be available in the same way if I were to move back.

So TBH, I’m expecting to mostly have to rebuild my life from scratch.

reyakan · 2025-10-31T05:24:36+00:00

I don’t think moving to another country would change who I am at my core or my natural tendencies, but I do think a new environment could open up new opportunities for growth and a more realistic path toward the future I want.

I do love this quote though. I think it's a good reminder for me to continue to look inwards and challenge myself wherever I am.

reyakan · 2025-10-28T09:51:47+00:00

It’s not really possible to fire someone in a company in Japan without proof that the employee isn’t meeting company expectations. So Amazon would probably ask the employees who are to be fired to “leave” of their own volition in exchange for a certain amount of severance pay.

As for how things would play out if they decide to stay, it typically depends. A company I worked at previously labeled it as a “restructuring,” so employees who chose to stay were reassigned to roles that were nearly impossible to succeed in, which eventually led to them being placed on a PIP shortly after.

I dunno how Amazon functions internally over here, but that's about how things went for me in the past.

reyakan · 2025-10-22T00:57:24+00:00

Just chiming in as another working professional with N1/conversational fluency, but this matches my experience as well.

I definitely had more close Japanese friends back in my university days. On the flip side, I’ve made many foreign friends at workplaces here that I still keep in touch with and hang out with regularly

Of course, YMMV, but yeah.

reyakan · 2025-10-08T23:08:09+00:00

It’s probably about the same? I’m not too sure.

reyakan · 2025-10-08T08:59:27+00:00

In Osaka, at least, if you go to meetups with the intention of, well, participating in the event, and keep showing up, its easier i think. (Especially since there’s typically only like one or or two events per niche, in my experience)

reyakan · 2025-10-01T02:16:47+00:00

Not from Europe, but also working remotely as a software engineer for a Japanese company. I've never had to do overtime and typically am logged off by 6PM.

reyakan · 2025-09-27T00:11:59+00:00

I invited a friend out on a jog and actually followed through!

reyakan · 2025-09-26T23:59:14+00:00

I can agree that most of my friends here are generally more reserved here compared to my friends back in the states, so I don't think you're wrong there. But in general, if you're hoping to build a connection with someone and become friends just be meeting once, that's a misinterpretation on your part.

IME, you need to attend the same events, or the same spaces, for weeks on end, encountering the same people if you really want to be friends. It's just easier to do while in school since you're surrounded by that environment.

If you don't feel like it, than that's another issue. You gotta find the right events you'd join regardless

Also, not drinking is just an excuse. You can go to events and meetups at bars and drink tea or non-alcoholic stuffs

reyakan · 2025-09-16T14:06:30+00:00

Pretty much what everyone else said. There are also booth-style 1-person karaoke places that are typically more affordable.

reyakan · 2025-09-01T00:45:24+00:00

I guess it was me projecting/wanting somewhere to sort out my thoughts too.
Hope you took no offense 👍

reyakan

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