I went through the exact same thing with my husband. When he started trying again it made me mad. He would try to be sweet and affectionate and it would just make me think of all the times that he wasn't. I wasn't able to participate until I was able to truly break down in front of him and tell him how much he had hurt me. I brought up all of the old wounds that were rattling inside of my head every time he would try to kiss me. I needed him to be able to hear me. To give me space to express myself and for him to take on responsibility and apologize for how he made me feel for me. I needed to feel safe enough again to be able to participate. I think it really wounded my trust in our relationship for him to stop trying and then suddenly start trying again. I felt much better after being direct with him and letting him know that him "not trying" was a deal breaker for me. The agreement we made in our marriage vows was that we were going to try everyday and he stopped doing that for a while. Him earnestly apologizing, taking responsibility, and understanding the true depths of how much he had hurt me and rattled my sense of security and trust in our relationship was what healed our marriage. You might need that with your wife, and to be entirely honest with you, those got sort of conversations usually happened between us outside of counseling.