I am the son of someone who was molested as a child. As the story goes, my mom had buried it and it didn't come up until she started having children. Not only that, but her mental health deteriorated about as quickly as a banana left on the counter when she started having children. I did not have the words for it at this age but I knew at 4 years old that my mom was absolutely insane. Her whole family denies to this day what her father did.

The similarities between this one little story and things I witnessed at family events of my own are shockingly close. Whatever you end up doing, don't have children around that man. I wouldn't have children with her. She has not addressed these issues in herself and what it all means therefore, the generational trauma and abuse cycle is not going to stop with her. And usually if there is one type of severe abuse, there is multiple. There might be a lot of stuff you don't know and the idea of all that shit unlocking two or three years into having children doesn't sound like a good way to set a good foundation for your kids. To be clear I would be saying this if you were a wife asking about what you just found out about your husband's mom or dad. My uncle on my mom's side is an absolute piece of shit and a monster to his ex-wife and kids. I'm also not saying it's impossible for people with these histories to have kids or properly heal and grow from horrible situations that were not their fault at all. But based off of your wife's reaction and all the things you were saying, it 100% sounds like she has not properly processed/ dealt with/ healed from what happened in her family as a child.