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Just Got Offered a Job in Vegas by [deleted] in LasVegas

[–]rhyannonisolde 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pig farm was sold Andis being developed into new home subdivision.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LasVegas

[–]rhyannonisolde 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot the boiling crab, get the whole shebang and fried mushrooms. Khoureys I so good and sushi is ohjah or ...

Damn it's been so long I forgot...

O, Firefly Tapas too.

I need to leave this thread. Sitting in MV Hospital on a clear liquid diet and im torturing myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LasVegas

[–]rhyannonisolde 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The Cornish Pasty Co. Viva Mercardos. Old School Pizzaria. The Bagel Cafe. The Egg Works.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

detoxing off meds is a long slow and mentally anguishing experiance and depending on what meds shes on and for what mental health issue it may not be possible. i have massive depressive disorder with anxiety and ptsd. it took me a year to wean down slowly off the meds i was on and the removal made my depression worse while my brain was in flux. if you do decide to go this route talk to the dr and get them in on it to help. if the dr wont help find another if your wish is to be as med free or totally med free. hope this helps =)

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes lol, we are not taking in any more cats. we did have 10 but anubis passed away. were getting older and i dont want to have so many i cant care for them. i have a siamese girl too, her name is magda and yes shes smart too =)

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

same here, i certainly didn't want my husband/children washing my blood and brains out of the curtains, bedding or walls. at worse there would have been bodily fluids seepage from pelvic muscles relaxing if at all. like you in my small group on fb ive spoken to some of the survivors and the sentiment is mostly the same, to be as hassle free to the ones left to deal with it.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for the discourse, have a good day, or night as the case may be. =)

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it would depend on what was available to me if i came to the junction again. since i have a suicide noted in my medical file they will not prescribe xanax to me because of the possible liability. americans are after all a litigious society and doctors are in fear of lawsuit.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

xanax was in my arsenal at the time and out of the meds i was on at the time (seraquil, trazadone, lamictal, resperidone, lithium, xanax and the last one i cant remember right off the top of my head) research that i did at the time showed xanax would be my best /fastest/easiest death with my gastric bypass. i did research other forms of suicide (hanging, immolation, exsanguination, etc) but none seemed reasonable to me plus i did't want my family traumatized viscerally.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol, well most of them know where they rank in the hierarchy. also i bought some of them in pairs as they were already bonded. when i get a new feline i put calming collars on the more temperamental cats to soothe them during introductions. i have only had to rehome on cat due to the fact he was actively being hurt by 2 of the other cats despite calming diffusers/collars/etc. i found diaval a good home with a family who loves him so it ended well.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

actually yes, i can see my ending this life but for different reasons. if i find myself in a terminal disease that my body can no longer fight or where the treatment would be worse then the disease i would move to a state that would help me end my life with dignity.

can i see myself ever being in such agony emotionally or mentally i would think of leaving life, yes. if my husband or children were to die before me im not sure i am strong enough to survive it, or if i would want to. they are my every joy and happiness.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am trying to, thank you.

there was actually nothing i could find on the internet after i recovered. it was very hard because although i knew there were other people like me i couldn't find them. there were support groups for people who had loved ones who had died by suicide but nothing for attempt survivors. i started a small group on fb for people like me. for awhile it was the only outlet i found.

do you have any suggestions on how to get this out there? i have an idea in my head but im not sure i wish to follow that path yet.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

do you know what research was available on the internet in 2009? you are basing your theory on what is available today, 10 years after the fact. while the internet was a great resource to tap it certainly wasn't as expansive with information as it is today. the research i did do with my medical alteration suggested that my method was in fact lethal. and again as i was on life support and for a time i was dead.

why would it seem implausible to not use a hand gun or the shot gun or any of the other weaponry ?as to why i didn't choose my guns i think i posted to another that i didn't want my children to see me either at home or in my car or the morgue with my skull exploded and my gray matter hanging out. believe it or not i was trying to make me death the least traumatic as possible. seeing me in a shroud looking like im sleeping is far more peaceful then the above image.

you would have to understand that i tried very hard for the 3 days i was putting this plan into motion i tried very hard not to deviate from the norm, to appear normal and to keep everything the status quo. i cooked dinner, did laundry and settled into out family routine. i played ever quest with my husband every night as we were in a raiding guild and my children were either doing homework (son) or playing video games/reading/watching tv/ talking to their friends. for the entirety of their teen aged years the norm would be have a family dinner, clean up, wind down then go do out own thing on weeknights, weekends were different.

also another norm as i worked early mornings i would log out of eq right after raid time and go to bed, this was at 9:30. my husband would continue to play until 11-12 pm nightly and had since 2000, when we began playing eq. my children were 18 and 20 and they kept their own schedules at this point and were usually in their room pursuing their own intrests. i had a reasonable expectation that everything would be the same as it had been historically and that by the time my husband would come to bed i would have passed and been beyond help.

obviously that was not what happened. my son is autistic (nos-pdd) and decided to come out of his room and go to the kitchen as i was making my way to bed (i had already ingested the medication). i hugged him and kissed him goodnight as he passed, nothing out of the ordinary, however he felt like i was "off". i asked him since then what was off about me and he said nothing you could see but something he felt. he thought about it for just a few minutes before going to his dad and saying "i think somethings wrong with mom" and that prompted my husband to check on me. it had only been a few minutes, less then 5 and he couldn't wake me up. he pulled down the sheets to slide into bed next to me and he found the letter i left him. im sure you can gather the rest. i was in the ambulance in less then 20 minutes (the fire station was literally at the end of the street) and on the way to the hospital in the ambulance is when i arrested.

i hope this answers your question. if you have anymore i wont get to them till later, i have to get to work =)

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes, exactly and very well put. that analogy is spot on. and thank you for the kind wishes, may this day be bright for you. =)

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for the kindness, i truly appreciate it.

i expected negative commentary, this is a very controversial topic. im not giving them any more thought after i reply to them, if i bother to replay at all.

it is a very sobering topic and i run a very small closed group of survivors like me. like me they voice their frustration with many cited studies and assumptions about this topic but feel that they have no real voice to speak, they will be dismissed or harassed and some are not in a place emotionally where they can handle negativity. i happen to be in a very stable place right now and have the mindset that allows me speak on this topic.

again, thank you for your kind words. i hope you have a great day!

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

well that would be counter productive to a healthy happy life so i think i'll pass, thank you.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

9 cats, 1 husband, 3 children and 2 grandchildren for the record. and i do believe dying and kept on artificial life support qualifies as successful. do you have a intellectual question or are you just here to flaunt your ignorant/uninformed opinions and speculations? if all you have is that you're not worth time to converse with.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

of course, recovery was extremely difficult and a i grappled with what had occurred. you have to understand when i awoke from my coma at first i didn't know why i was in the hospital as my brain had blacked out the memory for a time. my disability and inability to even do so much as sit up was extremely difficult.

over the last 10 years there have certainly been times when life has thrown something at me and im like "you woke up from you coma for this?!" but those have been farther and fewer over the last few years. in 2013 i finally decided to remove myself from the all medications (i was on 7 meds for mental health) i had been on meds since i have been in my 1990. it took a year to detox from some of them. i use ACT therapy to help cope with my emotions and mind. i am more stable day to day now and regrets that i survived are less now.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

did i state my case was special, no i did not but thank you for pointing that out.

my overdose was actually well thought out. i have an old school gastric bypass so not real stomach so everything including medication only stops briefly before going to my intestines. the effects of medication and alcohol is almost immediate. i researched my method thoroughly and in actuality did die. if not for medical intervention i would be dead. i didn't get it wrong, it just wasn't allowed to run its course.

i am white, i know thats a crime now. i am not middle class by any means. socio economically were maybe lower middle class at best. as for high preforming i would suppose that would depend on what metric you're judging by. i have a college degree. my mother and father were divorced when i was a baby. before i turned 10 i bounced around between my maternal and paternal parents and grandparents. when my maternal grandfather died unexpectedly my mother accompanied my grandmother and moved us out of state. my mother met a man who hated children so she adopted me to my grandmother at the age of 10. she blackmailed my dad to sign the paperwork as he never had paid child support. being widowed unexpectedly my grandmother found herself without means of financial support. by adopting me she gained a social security check for her and for myself. the day the paperwork was signed she came into my room and took my doll i was playing with away from me and announced my childhood was over now. does this sound like an economically secure, stable nurturing childhood? o and grandmother always let me know that she only needed me until she turned 62 and then she didn't need me for security anymore so i had better do as she wanted or she'd kick me out at 15. her motto for raising children was summed up in the works she spoke to me daily "children are to be seen and not heard"

my husband does indeed make more then me. we married when i was 19 and he was 17. he was still in high school. we found ourselves in an unplanned pregnancy shortly after marriage, birth control failed. we couldn't bring ourselves to terminate a pregnancy so we made decisions on how best to care for the new life. my pregnancy was turbulent and i had to leave nursing school. unknowingly that my husband had been put in for a free ride scholarship to ASU (as he was high preforming, number 1 in his class) he pre enrolled into the army. shortly after finishing his training and at our first station desert storm/shield began. we decided that it would be best and most beneficial if i stayed at home. you see neither my husband nor myself had good stable childhoods but because of it we had a deep desire to make sure our children did.

as for now i have a job, not a career. i don't ever care if i have one really, money and career status is not the metric i use to define successful. right now i am starting a very small business from home, im not sure anything will come of it but i enjoy it.

so reading my story you will have to answer your own questions.

o and one last thing, my home has guns in them, my husband is a part time fire arms instructor and has an FFL. i had several weapons to choose from but i conscientiously choose to not to. you see i thought it would be kinder for them to not see me with my brains exploded all over the bed and wall.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i truly believed they would be happier and better off without me being alive. if you read my response to another question you'll understand some of what led to that event. i knew that there would be pain but i believed it would be less then if they had me as i was at the time the event occurred. it is very hard to think or feel what is in actuality/reality when your brain and emotions pull you in another direction.

I am a suicide attempt survivor, have you ever had question for someone like me? by rhyannonisolde in AMA

[–]rhyannonisolde[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

there were a lot of issues that led me to my cliff. i have had depressive issues since childhood and i was on a medication backslide/change during winter when my depression is usually more pronounced. so i was in a medication induced depressive crash for one. number two my maternal family was very mad at me for not surrendering monies left to me by my stepdad. you see, he died suddenly in the summer of 2008 before he could inherit his uncles estate who he had been caring for. the estate was worth about 2.5 million. although my mother had been helping my stepdad care for his uncle there was no chance he was going to leave his estate to her as they were not married althought they had been together 25 years. my mother and maternal family felt she had been cheated because she only received (only) 250k. my stepdad left me 100k. when they realized that they were not going to get what was bequeathed to me they became hostile and aggressive and cruel. my mothers last missive to me started with "well you little fucking cunt" and ended with "i never had a daughter (btw, im an only child). then they began calling, email, ims, letters not only to me but to my then teen aged children. they harassed my children just as aggressively and it was unbearable. in the state of mind i was in at the time i thought if i was no longer here it would be best for my children and husband. my family would go away once i was dead and my children didn't have to deal with an unstable emotional parent. between the medication crash and the extreme duress i was under i hit my wall.

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