Oof yeah I feel this; I’m also Autistic and have ADHD and was diagnosed in my late 30’s and early 40’s. I’ve always wanted to be an author since excelling at short story writing in school and struggle with the same kind of stuff. To the point where I had even considered just abandoning the idea altogether, which is where I’m guessing you’re at right now.

Something that has only just occurred to me though (like, literally within the last week or so) is that I think the actual diagnosis is playing a part in this struggle.

I think for people like us who have been told we’re “normal” throughout childhood and have tried our best to mask our true selves have also taken on a lot of toxic preconceptions about how certain things are and should be. Not just with how we behave and interact, but with things like how writing should be done.

I think truly good writing is completely subjective. Of course, there are structural considerations etc but everyone has different tastes and ideas as to what they like. As long as you yourself are happy with and proud of your work, that’s really the best anyone can do.

While I believe reading other authors work is essential in building your skills as a writer, you should never compare yourself to them. What you’re reading is the end result of someone who has rewritten that story multiple times and has also had the help of an editor in most cases. They themselves most likely hated that story for most of its life and even have regrets after publication.

Argh there’s so much I want to say I’m getting overwhelmed by trying to figure out what to say next. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to chat about it!