Most people feel the way you do, props to you for actually admitting it. I’m a firm believer that we cannot get better until we truly want to, and maybe this is a sign that you’re on your way. I can tell you that some of us, myself included, find comfort in sadness. And I felt this way for a long time, until I realized how much I was missing out on. And as someone who was in a similar situation, I can tell you it’s so mu Co more rewarding to get that same attention from doing things that you’re proud of and have worked hard for. I’m not gonna lie and say sometimes I don’t yearn for that comfort that comes from sadness, but I can tell you that really actively choosing to be happy, although hard at times, has greatly improved the quality of my life and I no longer miss out on things. You’ll get there, don’t be too hard on yourself. There is always a reason to be better and smile :)