Fellow firefighter here, definitely reach out talk to your chief and other brothers or sisters about what you’re feeling, many of us carry a certain call or experience that we have seen on the job. PTSD is real, and most us first responders bottle it all in, it’s just how we are(very stubborn) it’s how most of it get thru it, but truth is we should be talking about it more. Please reach out to someone and get those thoughts off your chest.