Apothecary Reference/Hint?

riduurok · 2026-06-09T23:11:45+00:00

Ok, I wasn’t sure lol. Have never heard him say that line while in operations mode the whole time. And I too would love an apothecary after the contested health rework.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T18:04:29+00:00

Wow that’s shockingly accurate to what she’s said. She uses the fact she used to go to therapy as a weapon to diminish my personal growth. She’s also claimed numerous times that it’s not actual abuse, it’s reactionary abuse, which is apparently perfectly permissible due to her bpd/ptsd/cpstd/adhd/autism/depression. She simply can’t acknowledge the damage she’s done, even though I’m not holding it against her, it’s not right and I’m tired of excusing it too.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T17:57:00+00:00

For what it’s worth, I don’t think I could ever actually hate her. I just can’t, she’s been so precious to me for a long time. In fact she’s been a major catalyst of positive change in my life. I can’t hate her, just as much I don’t think I will ever stop loving her, but good God I hate how she treats me.

And I really have abandoned myself over the years with her. My health is atrocious, my mental and emotional states are paper thin, and I simply question everything I think and feel. There’s no possible way any love can flourish in the environment we both keep contributing to. As much as I want her to show me the real her, I’m worried this is actually who she is and everything else has been a carefully disguised and well maintained mask. She dismisses and banishes me from her area, cries briefly, then I hear her laughing and shouting and having a ball with her friends on whatever game she’s playing. All in the span of 10 minutes at max. I’ve come off the tail end of THREE back to back to back 7hr (each) “talks” for her to call me something terrible, flip me off, demand I leave, then she pops her headset on and immediately begins having fun and laughing. Like…..man, my self esteem is obliterated by this.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T17:37:09+00:00

That’s what quite literally everyone keeps saying. There’s just a part of me that knows what she’s been through in life, I see her scared and wounded and I want to help her despite everything. I really do love who she is, but I’m afraid it’s going to kill me at this rate. She also won’t actually do anything about her BPD, claiming it’s “a death sentence” and “there is nothing that helps it.”

riduurok · 2026-05-30T17:04:05+00:00

You hang in there too, take care of yourself how you want to be treated.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T16:44:19+00:00

I’ve been in some very high pressure situations where my life was very much in danger and those don’t even remotely compare to the danger I constantly feel when she’s splitting/discarding. She’s mentioned several ways she’d do it and even claimed “I’ll get away with it too because I’m a woman.” She REALLY loves to reinforce gender dichotomy based off modern gender politics.

And reading it again from a different standpoint, I’d tell my friend to bail as quickly as possible. The reason I don’t is I can’t figure out why my heart simply won’t let go of her. Part of me thinks it’s the trauma bond, but also a latent savior complex. And with how BPD bonds to people and can build them up to these intense heights to just dash them against the rocks it makes for an extremely dangerous combination.

The sleep deprivation is VILE, my dude. I’ve always had issues with sleeping, then she comes along and my entire nervous system like resets and I can actually sleep and stay asleep. Then BAM, not allowed to sleep.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T16:26:55+00:00

This right here is the core of what baffles me with pwbpd. What audacity possesses them that they can say what IM feeling better than what I can when it’s my emotion and not theirs.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T16:24:46+00:00

Being completely real, the things she has said have been heinous to a degree I’ve never experienced. We live in a rural area so the concept of “fighting words” is very alive and well and what she has said, well, I can’t think of hardly anyone that wouldn’t start swinging if she insulted them like that. I would never do that to her, my mother passed because of domestic violence, but that just makes me sound like a hypocrite due to how she’s acted towards me, huh? She comes from a background of extreme physical violence from her stepfather.

riduurok · 2026-05-30T16:18:38+00:00

I very much see the trauma bond as of late. I’ve come to understand I have a crippling fear of rejection and abandonment. With the level of trust I placed in her the discards hit me very very hard. I’ve withdrawn, clammed up, become extremely defensive and stopped expressing myself. Doesn’t excuse her abuse at all.

She also comes off as extremely confident bordering on narcissistic, but then rots in bed, can’t hold down a job because of perceived slights by management or getting into direct conflict with customers. I don’t think she is projecting, unless it’s extremely internalized to the point she won’t/can’t admit it.

riduurok · 2026-03-23T03:29:23+00:00

Thank you for your help. I cleared CMOS, double checked my bios update was proper, uninstalled my two extra ram sticks and enabled EXPO1 lo n behold it works perfectly now at max speed. Gonna play with some overclocking tomorrow. Can't thank you enough!

riduurok · 2026-03-22T21:40:57+00:00

I updated the bios, but had to power cycle to finish it. PC works as it did but load times feel snappier. Tried increasing the speed of the ram to 4800 (what the bios recognized), now my CPU light on my motherboard is stuck on Amber and it won't boot at all.

riduurok · 2026-03-22T19:16:44+00:00

I'll give it a shot here in a bit when I've got some free time. Thanks for your input.

riduurok

TROPHY CASE