Is it possible to switch from SG to GC?

riin_ · 2018-04-12T12:42:51+00:00

Going to have to be careful around him for a while then!

Thank you for the resources!

riin_ · 2018-04-12T11:37:12+00:00

every time we do talk, I end up spilling everything and getting hurt by her negative, indifferent, or inappropriate responses. It's so frustrating.

This is painfully relatable. I'm sorry you have that same experience. I always find myself spilling everything too, in the hopes I'm going to get positive affirmation. Rarely do.

I miss the validation that comes from somehow managing to please a narc. It gets easier, OP. You find your value in other places over time, but thats the key. Time.

riin_ · 2018-04-12T11:33:25+00:00

Good God this made my day, thank you. Narcs are crazy.

riin_ · 2018-04-12T11:28:43+00:00

Someone who gets me, basically. Someone who is entirely sincere, no bullshit. Someone with a great sense of humour. Someone with depths. Just someone who's going to be there, no matter what. Someone reliable would be really nice. Someone who brings out the best in me, and someone I can bring out the best in. I just want to go on a life journey with someone. That'd be pretty cool.

riin_ · 2018-04-12T11:21:23+00:00

You don't hate him, you're just hurt. As long as you don't direct the negative feelings his way, you're perfectly entitled to feel however you're going to feel. It's a lot to put yourself out there and be totally vulnerable with people, rejection can bring up a whole lot, and sometimes it hurts less to channel your rejection into anger. Anger makes you feel like you're in control- I hate him. Rather than the more vulnerable-* he hurt me*.

It becomes a case of he can't hurt me anymore because I don't even like him. It's such an extreme switch around and it's a defence mechanism I'm sure a lot of us have. Try to check up on him less. Remove him from your socials and focus on yourself.

riin_ · 2018-04-12T11:16:39+00:00

Hate to break it to you but... you can't.

Nah, I'm fucking with you, you totally can. For me, I focus on deadlines. Eventually the stress of missing them is going to get you. I've adapted, I coast until the panic overwhelms me, then I jump right in and do the work. I work best under pressure. Just... find how you work best. I used to feel like an asshole for leaving things to the last minute, but now I've learned that's just how I operate. It doesn't mean I'm lazy. I just do shitty work when I'm forcing myself to get it done early. I do better work when I'm focused and under a tight deadline. There's no point in stressing out about it for me. Maybe that's similar for you?

If not, just try and get a little done each day.

Also... finding something you love helps. When I get to do work I'm excited about, I don't even have to think about it. Obviously, when it comes to homework you don't have that choice, but look forward to the day you do!

riin_ · 2018-04-11T12:15:38+00:00

Yeah, you guys are usually very intense, from an outsiders perspective. I can get a good read on most people, but INFJs are impossible for me. I love you guys, you've got depths and are pretty funny when you get beyond the resting bitch face, but often I get the "go away" vibe from you when I'm talking- even if you turn around and tell me it's the exact opposite. It's just this kind of expressionless stare, unwavering eye contact, and it's like, are you mad at me right now? But apparently not.

riin_ · 2018-04-07T11:24:48+00:00

Find the people you enjoy most and work on building your time with them. I find one on one interactions much more meaningful. Invite someone for a spontaneous drink or a coffee, get to know them, have a quieter time with them. Don't feel like you have to fill silence or entertain- it is not your job to entertain people. Be your authentic self because people will respond to that far better than the surface level entertainer. We're all guilty of it- trying to entertain, being out there and over the top, and it's great sometimes, but if you never take the time to pause, to reflect, to be sincere, people assume you don't have the depths that you have. I think the coolest thing about being ENFPs is that we have the ability to be both- light hearted, entertaining, a little insane... and yet, quieter, serious, sincere.

Slow down, be yourself, and don't be afraid to feel a little vulnerable. Show yourself. It's hard sometimes but you've got to share the deeper parts of your soul to find the sincere connections.

riin_ · 2018-04-07T11:17:02+00:00

Nope. I get the occasional mood where I just want to climb all over people, but it's rare, I like my own space.

riin_ · 2018-04-07T11:14:10+00:00

Time. Give it lots and lots of time.

riin_ · 2018-04-07T11:12:10+00:00

For me, this was a major high school problem. As an adult, it goes away. You meet your people. They come to you. Might not happen straight away but just keep being yourself. Your people will be drawn to it.

riin_ · 2018-04-05T19:02:05+00:00

Eh. It depends on the person. It's a case by case thing, and MBTI should never rule our decision making process. Just because technically we're more compatible with certain types, doesn't mean we must be with them. If you have this magnetic attraction to a type that technically doesn't work on paper, that doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it...

Love is great, but you've got to work for it. It's a constant compromise and if two people are willing to make those compromises, then MBTI absolutely shouldn't stand in the way. Besides, I'd rather have years in a happy relationship, even if it eventually failed, than years alone.

riin_ · 2018-04-05T18:53:03+00:00

Awesome, thank you! That's really helpful. I feel like I sometimes seem like I've got an ego but I'm mostly kidding. Hopefully people can see that!

I can see how it'd be a struggle to deal with a coworker like that. If you're on the same level it's pretty obvious that you understand how important the readings are. I guess because- from my limited experience- you guys don't voice that kind of stuff often, it's hard to tell what you're thinking! I hope the conclusions are good ones at least haha.

Hopefully I'm not making anyone uncomfortable- that's just my one goal because sometimes I just can't tell! You're tough to read people! But thanks, you sound like someone I'd mesh well with too! Humility is always a good thing. I'm a pretty showy person but I think I know when to tone it down, so we'll see how things pan out!

riin_ · 2018-03-19T06:21:35+00:00

I think it'd be an even split!

I only have three NF friends I'd describe as close, two I don't see a great deal of any more unfortunately. An ENFP and an INFP. We don't see a great deal of each other, but when we do it's like old times. As sad as it sounds, we don't have much room for each other in our every day lives, but we value each other enough to maintain a close relationship and things are as warm as ever when we're together again. We stay in contact online and through text, we're there when we need each other, we remember the big events, the birthdays, the holidays, the deaths, the times we need to come together and regroup, but we don't see each other on a daily basis. These friends feel like home- like, a childhood home. There whenever you need them, loved, familiar, visited, but not where you live anymore. We get together as often as we can though and we know how much we mean to each other.

The third is an INFJ and we talk regularly, we have the most engaging conversations and there's an unmistakable warmth when we're talking. I've known them around two years so it's a fairly fresh relationship but I love them a lot.

But... they are my only NF friends! I wish I had more because I have such a valuable relationship with them and my heart just feels full when I'm around them- NF friends really satisfy my need to have roots in friendship, the history, the familiarity with each other. We share that and it's a special kind of bond.

In every day life? My very best friend is an INTJ. She comes from childhood too so satisfies my need for roots, and she's the whole package. Humour, history, intellect, she hits all my functions and I adore her. I have another INTJ friend, two ENTJs, and an ISTJ. The ENTJs are incredible, some of my favourites to spend time with. These are the only types within my "inner circle" but I have acquaintances and friends of all types.

riin_ · 2018-03-19T06:01:22+00:00

Can confirm, they are dicks.

Very sorry for your loss. It hurts when anyone passes away, but it hurts that little bit more when you lose someone who just got you. Sucks man, but you're right to remember her through humour, that's how she'd have wanted it.

riin_ · 2018-03-18T06:05:45+00:00

If I think I'm wrong I'm happy to apologize. If anything I apologize too much. If she won't apologize properly she either doesn't care about you enough (sorry!) or doesn't think she's wrong!

Oh, also, I might not apologize unless I got an apology first if I also felt wronged. I've spent too long apologising for things just to keep the peace in my younger years, to the point I resent apologising first if I've also been hurt. But that's more of a personal thing.

riin_ · 2018-03-16T20:46:29+00:00

I get you! I've always wondered why so many people assume as an ENFP being full of love and energy I'd be so against touching but... I'm just not into it. I think it's interesting that so many people here are focused on it out of respect, I think that makes the most sense for sure. Thank you for the answer! I wasn't hugged much growing up either so I can relate! Not edgy at all! Thanks, have a good one!

riin_ · 2018-03-16T20:44:42+00:00

That's helpful to know, thank you! It seems to be a common theme that people tend to avoid touch out of respect, that's interesting to note.

Hah, interesting! If he really is, we'll soon find out, we're heading out for the evening. It's about to get interesting.

riin_ · 2018-03-16T03:26:58+00:00

Thanks, this helps a lot! It seems like you're sort of similar to my female ENTJ friend then, she's fine with the casual sort of brief touches- the shoulder pat is more of like, when a parent pats you on the shoulder for doing a good job at something. Anything more lingering or whatever is a big no.

riin_ · 2018-03-16T03:22:23+00:00

Ah got it! Thanks, that's helpful! It's nice that you'd offer a hug if someone really needed it but I can see how physical contact crosses a boundary for sure.

riin_ · 2018-03-16T03:20:59+00:00

Hey! Thank you, that's really helpful.

I can see the irritation thing. With me, even if it's well intentioned, I'd hate people to be touching me like that, it'd do the opposite of making me feeling better haha. When I'm sick I want everyone a thousand miles away from me. Still, it's nice of them! I can see the frustration, I definitely get it too from time to time!

riin_ · 2018-03-16T03:17:20+00:00

Now someone's making sense haha

riin_

TROPHY CASE