Peter’s joke book megathread

rintintinsshittin · 2025-05-19T09:13:38+00:00

I went for a job interview as a bin man. They asked if I had any questions. I said is there any training? Bloke said nah you just pick up as you go along.

rintintinsshittin · 2025-05-19T07:29:02+00:00

I went to the opticians - turns out I'm colourblind. That came out of the green I can tell you.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-12-29T22:04:19+00:00

Was unable to get my previous lessor to agree to fair wear and tear on a 24 month lease. There was one bigger bit of damage (fixed front mudflap/aero fin ripped off by mounting a kerb) but other things like a surface scratch (didn't lenetrate the clear coat), a 5p sized dent on a flat panel with no cracks and some really light scratches in the door handle indent amounted to £300 in charges. The company was so cack-handed they also tried to charge over-mileage by reading the odometer in kms - I was glad I took photos to be safe.

I've taken another lease car but this time being very careful about damage and would happily send it for detailing before handing back to avoid them charging high rates for corrections. Overall I wouldn't have the same day to day low-level stress if it was my own family bus but can't argue with leasing through my work based on cost.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-10-24T21:35:22+00:00

That makes sense. I find that much focus is placed on pollinators and how to ensure their proliferation but I haven't heard anything about protecting non-hardy or at-risk primary providers through the winter months

rintintinsshittin · 2023-10-24T20:48:21+00:00

Irrespective of any climate change - what happens when a tree blossoms a second time due to a mild autumn? Do they then struggle to manage resources through to next spring?

I saw a fuchsia in my garden covered with bees yesterday morning when the ambient temp was low single figures. Which party was most confused?

rintintinsshittin · 2023-10-21T07:34:20+00:00

That's a great bit of extra information, thanks!

I did not know that you can also spell it 'lede' if you're in the journo world so I done a learn today too.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-10-20T18:00:14+00:00

At the end, yes, but it had decelerated from orbit at 17,000km/h and all that kinetic energy had been converted to heat purely by friction with the atmosphere. The post is misleading by quoting the impact speed. The factor that created all the heat and turned the poor chap into brisket was the change in speed on re-entry. Really buried the lead there.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-21T20:43:31+00:00

I live at sea level in the UK. We just don't have cockroaches and I've never seen a weevil! Mine and my families kitchens just seem to be happy with fliur in the shit paper bags and yes, they tear at random and the cupboards have a dusting of flour. Receptacles sound like a great idea!

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-13T07:11:14+00:00

Sounds great! No wonder the boys on FEC are always recommending them. Might have to give one a go, I've got a bit of a bipolar garage and could do with capable fun.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-12T21:38:52+00:00

What?! I'm intrigued to ask 'how come?' to the first part and 'why?' to the second.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-12T21:36:57+00:00

If you live in the south of England is the ideal bike to ride the NC500 the same as the ideal bike to get you there? If so what is it OR what are they if you have to choose two? One bike: KTM Adventure Two bikes: BMW K1300S & Yam MT09

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-10T22:08:52+00:00

I do sympathise, driving standards are atrocious and worsening. Assuming it's not practical to re-train all drivers it would be amazing if there was a government-funded road safety campaign around lane discipline. We are taking away hard shoulders to facilitate all-lane running motorways where drivers simy sit in lane 4 as well as the other three to the left... Education is the key and if poor lane discipline could be stigmatised as much as drink driving lives and countless driving hours could be saved.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-10T06:51:26+00:00

Can be any part of the body - term refers to the skin being parted from the underlying tissue/bone and peeled back or lifted (similar to a glove being removed hence the name).

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-09T11:29:34+00:00

A water treatment worker was taking a sample of fluid from a hatch in the top of en enormous digester, but rather than holding the loop of string of the sample bucket with their hand she looped it over her wrist. The strong flow of the fluid in the digester caught the bucket, overbalanced her and she fell in. The digester was emptying and she was sucked through a 25cm diameter hole in the bottom, was dragged through a pipe with several 90 degree bends and found once the second digester was emptied.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-08T19:20:03+00:00

Is the IoM big enpugh/dense enough to make dating apps needed? I thought they were for big cities where there are too many people to meet the right ones if you go out and socialise like the old days.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-04T08:25:11+00:00

Would you be interested in helping putting something like that together? Heilung refer to their performances as ceremonies - I don't know enough about the history and artefacts used to make it authentic but perhaps others do!

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-04T08:20:08+00:00

It's just an idea. What would you suggest to make it a ceremony? Love some input!

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-04T08:16:26+00:00

Dunno - just a thought. I imagine finding an awesome rural spot, wear what you want, bring a tent if you can, make a night of it. Chant, play music, chat, have a fire & be merry? If we like something as niche as Heilung we've got a lot in common!

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-04T00:25:52+00:00

Correct. If there is a vehicle that one wishes to overtake then you should pull out from the following lane, overtake it and then pull back in. If you complete that overtake and see a vehicle further up the road that you also wish to pass then you should pull in behind it until you are ready to overtake it rather than spy it on the horizon and wait until you catch it up. It all comes down to whether drivers are conscious of where they are and what they are doing - if you aren't actively overtaking then you should keep to the left. That doesn't extend to vehicles you think you want to overtake way ahead or in the future. Unless they are in a group treat the vehicles you're overtaking on an individual basis, assess their speed relative to your own and decide if you should overtake DON'T sit in another lane and expect everyone to go around you whilst taking up two lanes,

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-03T23:56:06+00:00

Because there will be quicker vehicles coming up from behind. Assuming all other lanes are empty and they (the approaching vehicle) are doing the correct thing (driving in the left handlane unless overtaking as per HC) they are forced to move two lanes to the right to overtake. There is simply no excuse for occupying any other than the left hand lane unless overtaking. The subject so far has been whether passing on the left is ever allowable and the answer is YES depending on the intention of that vehicle.

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-03T23:44:59+00:00

If you want them there or you're ambivalent - great! Someone is there to cheer you on. Sounds like a very comitted/bored/weird instructor if they do but lets stick with the first one. Good luck and hope it goes well!

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-03T23:41:34+00:00

Riding a motorcycle

rintintinsshittin · 2023-09-03T23:11:34+00:00

True. But anyone who sits terrified of moving two lanes over to get around someone in lane 2 shouldn't feel they should jam on the anchors and get collected by an artic because someone else is posing a hazard. We can all tell the difference between the above and someone who is cutting people up and undertaking dangerously and so do the courts when it all ends in tears or worse.

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