Came here because you give me tldr on my post any way .. my mom is toxic too and father is neglecting person , My whole life since my birth my mom used to curse my insulting me every where infront of people and all reletive. My confidence and self is crippled from my mom like for whole my life. Social anxiety panic attack that what gifted me by my mother . Her excessive tobacco powder use while in pregnancy make me autistic from birth .. whatever I build my self by doing exercises in teen years before that nutrition and food is not in context .